prrrrraaaayer para mi

haha. and i bet you didnt think i knew spanish...ps, i really dont. hehe.

alright, so im giving in and sharing my "feelings". feelings that only Jesus and my best friend (here on earth!) know. ive never felt so close to God. and ive never had so many questions. heres a little about me. i really hate drama. if you have a problem fight with me, get it out and then we can be good again. i dont do the guessing game. 20 questions are out of the question. tell me how you are feeling and dont feel sorry for yourself in the process. i grew up following the foot steps of my dad. and then i was just one of the boys for most of my life. i have a lot of friends, but i still think im closer to the boys than the girls, with a few exceptions. boys can listen and be serious for a short time until the really work on making you smile and laugh. thats what life is all about.

soooo back to my feelings. I'm not on good terms with 2 of my best friends. and i need prayer. ive had talks with one, that seems to go now where. and the other im "talking" to tonite. I pray that we can both see eachother's sides and move on. i want my friends back. i hate serious talks. but when two friends are completely not speaking its dumb. im trying. i still talk, offer to have her come places with me, but she is stubborn and refuses to just talk to me. so it has been over a week now, and today she finally told me we need to talk tonite. shes hardheaded. and i doubt she will budge with her thoughts and ideas. and i will probably apologize to appease her and make things better. i have a hint of why she is mad at me but i really dont know. i just hate this drama

the other problem im facing right now is my actions. my other friend is trying to change me. and i dont like it, like most people wouldnt. my problem is i dont see a problem in what i do. i love dancing, i love social drinking. sometimes those happen at bars like pure country where i can dance and talk to tons of people and rumbullions where i can play bingo and talk and enjoy people. my friend thinks these are bad because of the people that come to bars. im aware, im not ignorant that creepy people go to bars, but im also aware of why i like to go. ive met friends at pure country. When i go there on the weekend, there is always a table of people that i know where i can put my belongings. where i can sit and chat. there are people that i can dance with. bands that like to share their stories and their hopes and dreams with me. i have a few friends and acquaintances from the bar. and more than not, i get to share my Jesus with people. you may think who talks about God and Jesus IN A BAR???? well thats me. One of my best friends Marissa i met at club underground. two weeks ago she came to church with me and plans on going everyweek (weather permitting!! haha). her parents may come down to reno sometimes too because the church they used to go to is not for them. one of her and my friends (that i met at rumbullions) is thinking about going to church because we both love it so much, it must not be all that bad. There must be something to this Jesus thing. Another lady tentatively offered me a job. guess where i know her from. a bar. we learn in church that church is where we go. why cant church be just living and doing what we do and sharing with God tells us to?? why cant i have church at a bar? because of the connotation? bar=alchohal=bad people=sin???? Jesus socialized with people. He hungout with people that werent "worthy" to step foot in a church. (who can claim to be worthy really?? i cant. i cant do something to deserve what i am given)

sometimes you gotta be silly. sometimes you have to just go out and have fun. i need to meet more new friends. im not ready to settle down right now. im not ready for marriage. im doubt if ill ever be serious. thats not who i was made to be.

mercy me song: "hope dont be a stranger, wont you help me make it through the day, then a voice comes calling out to me, youre never alone because i am with you and i will always be, and i will hold you because you belong to me"

thanks for reading. i owe you a cookie if you really made it all the way to the bottom... :)