prrrrraaaayer para mi

haha. and i bet you didnt think i knew spanish...ps, i really dont. hehe.

alright, so im giving in and sharing my "feelings". feelings that only Jesus and my best friend (here on earth!) know. ive never felt so close to God. and ive never had so many questions. heres a little about me. i really hate drama. if you have a problem fight with me, get it out and then we can be good again. i dont do the guessing game. 20 questions are out of the question. tell me how you are feeling and dont feel sorry for yourself in the process. i grew up following the foot steps of my dad. and then i was just one of the boys for most of my life. i have a lot of friends, but i still think im closer to the boys than the girls, with a few exceptions. boys can listen and be serious for a short time until the really work on making you smile and laugh. thats what life is all about.

soooo back to my feelings. I'm not on good terms with 2 of my best friends. and i need prayer. ive had talks with one, that seems to go now where. and the other im "talking" to tonite. I pray that we can both see eachother's sides and move on. i want my friends back. i hate serious talks. but when two friends are completely not speaking its dumb. im trying. i still talk, offer to have her come places with me, but she is stubborn and refuses to just talk to me. so it has been over a week now, and today she finally told me we need to talk tonite. shes hardheaded. and i doubt she will budge with her thoughts and ideas. and i will probably apologize to appease her and make things better. i have a hint of why she is mad at me but i really dont know. i just hate this drama

the other problem im facing right now is my actions. my other friend is trying to change me. and i dont like it, like most people wouldnt. my problem is i dont see a problem in what i do. i love dancing, i love social drinking. sometimes those happen at bars like pure country where i can dance and talk to tons of people and rumbullions where i can play bingo and talk and enjoy people. my friend thinks these are bad because of the people that come to bars. im aware, im not ignorant that creepy people go to bars, but im also aware of why i like to go. ive met friends at pure country. When i go there on the weekend, there is always a table of people that i know where i can put my belongings. where i can sit and chat. there are people that i can dance with. bands that like to share their stories and their hopes and dreams with me. i have a few friends and acquaintances from the bar. and more than not, i get to share my Jesus with people. you may think who talks about God and Jesus IN A BAR???? well thats me. One of my best friends Marissa i met at club underground. two weeks ago she came to church with me and plans on going everyweek (weather permitting!! haha). her parents may come down to reno sometimes too because the church they used to go to is not for them. one of her and my friends (that i met at rumbullions) is thinking about going to church because we both love it so much, it must not be all that bad. There must be something to this Jesus thing. Another lady tentatively offered me a job. guess where i know her from. a bar. we learn in church that church is where we go. why cant church be just living and doing what we do and sharing with God tells us to?? why cant i have church at a bar? because of the connotation? bar=alchohal=bad people=sin???? Jesus socialized with people. He hungout with people that werent "worthy" to step foot in a church. (who can claim to be worthy really?? i cant. i cant do something to deserve what i am given)

sometimes you gotta be silly. sometimes you have to just go out and have fun. i need to meet more new friends. im not ready to settle down right now. im not ready for marriage. im doubt if ill ever be serious. thats not who i was made to be.

mercy me song: "hope dont be a stranger, wont you help me make it through the day, then a voice comes calling out to me, youre never alone because i am with you and i will always be, and i will hold you because you belong to me"

thanks for reading. i owe you a cookie if you really made it all the way to the bottom... :)

faith like a child...

(remember its late, and i have a lot of thoughts running through my head, here are some of them in a scattered form. good luck)

who is God? How did Mary become pregnant without having sex? How did Jesus rise from the dead? How did he heal? How does he still heal. when i went to the dentist i had 5 cavities. when i went back to get them filled they only found 3 tiny ones. how did the others disappear and reduce in size?

im someone that is blessed with faith. when i say this i dont mean that i never have doubts. or a hard time grasping God. but i believe that the bible is truth. there is comfort. I believe that nothing in the bible is false. it is not a popular fiction book. i read a quote once "the bible is the most widely read fiction book". it broke my heart.

why is it that people can spend their lives searching for something to fill emptiness with (drugs, sex, alcohal, prostitution, gambling, tv, acting, cars, possession etc) and yet when the find God they start searching for more and more about God. Why when you hear about God dont you turn and read about budda?

the big bang theory. it makes sense. God spoke and BANG 6 days later there was the earth. seems like quiet a revolution to happen in such a short time period. no wonder there is no explanation other than bang it happened for people that dont believe in God.

why do i not cry when loved ones pass away, when i feel pain, yet at the thought of Jesus i can turn into a waterfall?

i wish that there was an easy button that would allow people to see my Jesus. I wish i could just tell them and just by the words they would believe in their hearts. when a child has a question, you can tell them anything and they trust it.

why can Gods own creation not believe in Him. there is no greater love than the love of our Lord!

how do you tell and show people your Jesus when they ask, and are seeking, but cannot believe? How do you know that God and the bible are truth and not fiction?

true family

soooo. me and robert were in an accident this last weekend. We were coming back from san francisco and i was driving and robert was sleeping. we were 20 miles from truckee and as we came around a blind corner, there was a giant rock in the middle of the road. I hit it. the rock hit the transmission, causing tranny oil to cover my back tires and back brakes. The engine died and the front tires locked up. And i was fish-tailing at 70. By the grace of God i got to the shoulder and was able to stop. and i was also driving Robert's car. i was scared to look at him. i was scared he would be mad. in my life, when i mess up, i hear about it. and i hear about it for a while. robert just looked at me and just said he cant believe i brought the car all the way to the shoulder safely after that. i couldn't believe it. i wrecked his car in the middle of the nite, in the middle of no where and he was thankful that we didn't crash. infact he wasn't mad at all. then was the task of calling people at close to 11 pm for a ride from truckee to reno. and now is the process of trying to get it fixed. insurance is jerking robert around. and its frustrating. but with help of friends, we got back home and he has a truck to drive until his car is fixed. the auto-body shop told robert yesterday that if i would have hit that rock 3 inches to the left it would have taken out the arm that holds the wheel on. and there wouldn't have been much of a chance at all to control the car after the impact. Jesus was definitely there.

my heart ache right now is that my parents arent really there for me. i expected more from them. maybe its my fault for expecting help. before robert borrowed a truck from his friend, i asked to borrow one of their extra cars until Robert's was fixed. yesterday i dropped off pans that i bought for my parents (i got them for them because they didnt want to drive to reno) and the first thing out of my step mom's mouth is what makes you think you could borrow our car? they owed me $96 for the pans. i owed them $104 for a plane ticket to LA. my mom debated on calling it even. they didnt care that i was ok and not in the hospital. but rather it came down to money. and using their possessions. God forbid i need them for something like this in the future. I'm thankful for other people in my life that i can call family. im not looking for sympathy, or money or anything. im fine. me and robert are fine. i just dont think ive been this heart broken in a while. and it hurts. really bad. do i still go out of my way for my step mom? do i keep trying only to be hurt again? or do i just live my own life. and take care of myself? what makes family if they are not there to help you 100% ? Thanks again for my friends, and my church family. i consider you all my family. thankyou for opening your homes to me. for feeding me some nites. for listening and talking. its more than i could ask for. And God really blessed me with the family he continues to give me.