alien to me means foreign. and attack is brut force.
i want to start by saying im ok. im just feeling attacked. How do you keep faith when you cant feel Him. How do you stay happy and focused on Jesus when the enemy wont stop attacking you? How do you know what is from God and what are the devils lies? why can i not find Jesus although i'm seeking His face?
At youth i always tell my kids that if they feel scared all they have to do is say the name of Jesus and the devil will flee at his name alone.
now i feel dead inside. although i have been singing His name, and praying, i feel that He is sooo far from me. i feel like what is the point of me seeking him. I feel like im on the losing end of the battle. at the same time i know God would not allow me to go through this if i could not handle it.
i'm just upset that the devil is able to get to me. i have had allergies for months now. i finally get an air filter for my office. i feel great for ONE day. the next day i feel like im getting sick. i fight it, feel the best i have ever felt in months the next day (friday). i thanked God for such a beautiful day and a beautiful life. later that day i pulled a muscle in my back. had to go to the ER. doctor was a jerk. wouldnt send me home because it would have workmens comp. id never had so much pain in my whole life. they doctor was going to write me a medical release but the nurse told him he couldnt since i worked here at the hospital and it was workers comp. im not too proud but when the doctor came back to tell me that i told him to go to hell. and i was going home anyways. i told him about the pain and he didnt care. it was like i was making it all up. i was sooo upset. later that night, i couldnt walk, i couldnt move. i would rather have my whole other foot tattooed rather than have to go through that again. it was the worse pain i've ever had. (although i was released to go back to work). that was crappy. i just feel like no matter where i go or what i do, theres the devils works.
Jesus i need your healing.
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3 comments:
I hope your back is feeling better!
Regarding our emotions, part of growing in faith is learning that our relationship with God is not dependent upon our feelings. Even if we don't feel it, Jesus is always there with us because the Bible says, "I will never leave you or forsake you."
He always cares about what we're going through even if we don't feel that care, because the Bible tells us that He "loves us with an everlasting love."
The Bible encourages us to imitate those who had great faith such as Abraham, who believed God's promise to give him a son even though he and Sarah were past the age of child-bearing.
Just know that God is with you, He does care, and He will see you through every challenge that you face in your life.
I'm sorry that you're going through this! I'm praying that you would feel God's presence even in the bad things. That said, I completely understand what you mean about going on when you can't feel him. I was really getting down at work on the bad days--I'd be happy to tell you more about it by e-mail or phone--but then a very good friend challenged me to stop looking at the negative and just to seek the positive in everything. It's only been a week, but since then, I have felt God a little bit more. I have gotten through a couple of rougher days with no emotional breakdowns.
And just as an encouragement to you, I love how no matter what is going on in your life, you don't let it affect the way you love the people around you. I never know that you've been having a hard time until I read about it on your blog. At the same time, don't forget to lean on your friends when you need to get stuff out! :)
jeni! its funny you said that because i did something similar last nite. Lately i have had a lot of quesitons and stuff to present to God. Whenever i feel like hes not listening (although i know he is...) i write it to get it out like then He has to hear my requests and questions! thats what i used to do with my parents when i was younger and felt they werent listening. sooo. last nite i wrote pages on what i was thankful for. i wanted to let Him know that i'm thankful for him and then things he gives me. :) You guys were something i was thankful for! :)
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