what a season....

of change that is. Ive been a Christian for about 2.5 years now. And already i was able to go help with an outreach in Germany. Talk about blessed. In Germany there was a lot of crying lots of revelation for me (and others, but im really not much of a crier...) There was one time in particular where i realized how much i have changed in the last 2.5-3 years. I really didnt want anything to do with church. I believed in my heart there was a God but thats as far as i wanted to explore. i didnt understand about relationship with Jesus. When we were Erden Germany, I was wondering around the vineyards in by myself, and God really showed me how i changed. a few things have changed my life completely and didnt even know it. when God hit me with this i just stood near the vineyards, surrounded by the beautiful scenery and cried. a lot. i was never one to share my emotions. i was always the funny one but not even my good friends knew about me. its taken me a lot to really let people know that i have problems in my life. its hard. i was always carefree, and people always used to tell me how much they wanted to be like me, even though they didnt know me. i didnt share myself. i didnt know myself. i knew how to make people laugh and did what my parents dictated me to do. then i moved out...and i still didnt find myself. it wasnt until i accepted Jesus, that i started a real foundation of who i am. im still in process, but now i know who i am. i am who God made me to me. not my parents. not my friends.

God is really taking me through a season of change. He has been since before i left for Germany. Without knowing it, he prepared my heart so i could get the most out of Germany. Before i left i half joked with people that i may never come back...sure it was a joke, but in my heart i wanted to be as far as i could from life as i knew it. I hated my job. HATED. i really hated my life. my friends were just ok to me, and i knew it was me being bitter. Really, truely, there were only 2 people i missed when i was gone. my dad and my best friend. and i had a new job and a new house lined up and ready for me when i returned. No stress, no real distractions. I came back the same person, but i believe with a better understanding of who God made me to be, and with a better spirit within me. now, my job is FABULOUS!!!! i love it. ive been working there for almost a month! and it has flown by! my house is another story. it wasnt what i had in my head, but i know something significant is going to come out of it. Life is really never better now, but i know there is a lot more change to come. I just want to be able to say Yes. I cant wait to see more of who i am in Him. im excited to see what God will equipt me with. im also a little terrified. but i have to keep going back to my favorite verse: philippians 4:13 "For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength".

the newest thing that God is teaching me is how powerful words are. and how powerful HIS words are. :)