South Korea...

I wrote a blog on the airplane back about my trip...and I'm finally posting it.

Ah South Korea…My friend is there teaching English, so I thought what the heck, I can visit my friend and see South Korea. It was quite the experience and I decided I needed to blog about it. I’m on a plane right now, with 7 hours left, and one good typing hand. It’s gonna be long…I warned you.

Petey and I went to South Korea. My friend has a pretty good size apartment, and an extra mattress for us. She was working so we had dinner with her every night, and explored during the day. Day 1 – Cabs are cheap. We took them a lot because it was never more than 5,000 won for a ride. (about $4). Hardly anyone speaks English unless they are college age or younger, and had learned it. (which was still hard to find). And everything is in Korean with very few things in English. It is a little overwhelming not being able to understand anything. I’ve been to Germany and at least there you can sound out the words…business there must be owned (the majority of the business) by a Korean. There is no diversity, so we stuck out like sore thumbs. The people are amazing. Extremely nice and go to great lengths to help. It’s convicting because there are so many times we encounter foreigners in the US and instead of trying to help them we say they should learn English, like it is that easy. Try learning another language that is NOTHING like yours. Ok back to the trip, it was just a relaxing week of doing whatever we decided the night before. Our first day, first lunch was a sit on the floor place, and me and Petey pointed to soup that looked good on the menu, and hoped for the best. Lol. It was actually pretty good. Day 2- we went to school with Ashley to teach with her in the morning. The kids are funny. And way advanced compared to US kids. (well the majority). And the spoke pretty good English. On that note here’s a trivia. In the Korean language there are a couple letters that sound the same in Korean. B&P, L&R, and G&K. So it is very common for them to mix it up…therefore Petey called Ashley “Asherey” for most of the trip. Lol. But to them it is the same. ☺. The Koreans at Ashley’s school were awesome and helped us a lot with traveling.

Day 3 was one of the best days. We went to the DMZ. Demilitarization Zone. There was a few stops on the tour. One of them is on the line between North and South Korea. Along their border is the DMZ. It is a 4 Km area where each side protects their own country. In the middle is a bunch of buildings where half is on the North and half on the South. The buildings belong to one side or the other. Blue are South Korea’s buildings and tan are North Koreans. This is where the peace talks took place between them and other countries too including ours. This is where we went. To that room. We stood on the North Korean side of the building so technically I have been to North Korea, lol. The guards here stand all day staring their enemy in the face…and both sides are scary (obviously the north more). All South Korean men are actively in the military for at least 2 years and all have at least a black belt.

Day 4. Seoul, just wandering around and shopping. It was rainy. We saw a giant cathedral, and went to the Seoul Tower even tho it was too foggy to see anything. Then we did more underground shopping and bargain shopping.

Day 5 (Friday) we had a tour guide named Paul. Well, he actually didn’t know the area, but he did read and speak English and Korean so it was easy to get around. We went to a palace, I believe the biggest in the area. From there we had an awesome Korean meal. Just a ton of food really. We had a whole table full that we finished off, and I got up to use the restroom thinking we were done, and came back to a table full of new food. From there we went shopping and Petey found his wedding ring. It’s a silver hand-made ring. Super cool. Then we went to a little creek and off to meet Ashley and her friends and co-workers for a “dinner”….

Our engagement party- In Korea, they love love. And love marriage. So they surprised us at dinner. I got a bunch of the most beautiful roses you have ever seen. They bought cake and champagne, and the director of the school and her son, Paul, got us wooden ducks. In Korea, they symbolize love forever. ☺

From there we went to the “noribong”. They have rooms you rent by the hour for karaoke. It was fun.

Day 6- After a quick walk through Chinatown, and awesome Korean BBQ for lunch we headed to a baseball game. It was fun, cheering, making up what we thought they were chanting. And in the 7th inning stretch all us Americans (5 of us) stood up and sang “Take me out to the ball game” which ended with cheering and clapping. Then was out to an “western” bar. I almost beat a guy at pool even with my bum hand, and Petey rocked the drums.

That night was awesome and ended great and late at 5am…more on that later.

Our last day—we tried to get to a beach with no luck but did find a cool park. They were flying kites there and linking a bunch together, there had to have been hundreds of kites on one strand. From there we headed back to the apartment and then to the airport. Our flight was set to leave at 5:50…we got to the ticket counter at 5:20, and finally to the plane at 5:45…I live life on the edge…haha.

So that is our trip. I learned a lot. Like Petey and I are no longer allowed to drink Soju together because it makes us mean and overly sensitive. Good combo. It was so bad that we didn’t bring any back so we wouldn’t drink it…
The Koreans are nice people who band together to help each other. And there is hardly any crime. I think it is because of them wanting to help each other mixed with the fact that every male Korean has a black belt. Oh and you can buy waffles on the street that have like a honey butter on one side, chocolate cream on the other, and folded in half….heaven on earth.

Ok. Yeah there’s more…if you made it this far, congrats. Saturday night, some crazy stuff was happening, physically & spiritually. And it turned into a night of prayer with Petey, Ashley, her friend and Me. We were praying for Ash, and then were able to tell her friend about Jesus, and she was saved! It was really awesome. I hope to keep in touch and hear how her life changes through this. It was great to see hope at its finest. And love. And peace. And freedom. ☺

It was a great trip. Petey and I travel well together. Hanging out 24-7, we did great. And saw great stuff and met interesting people. I enjoyed Korea, and would recommend it to others.

success!!!

so i went to a success seminar today. and as silly as it sounds, it was a lot of good information. and a lot of it aligned with God (just without mentioning God). a lot of it, i have been learning over the last few months. well similar ideas. it started with us writing what we are thankful for because "sometimes we forget about all the great things we have". i think a lot of us get down and want so much that we forget what God has already given us. The bible says to give thanks when you present your requests to God (Philippians 4:6 --- there may be others too, i dont know) and it makes me think, we shouldnt just keep asking and keep asking without remembering what He has given to you. another big component was speaking positive, smiling and using language that is positive. and not negative, even like "i won't fail my exam", turning that into "I will pass my test" or even "I passed my test". he talked about spending time talking yourself up and putting it in writing. ive recently been realizing how much what you say matters; over yourself and others. There is a pastor named Keith Moore in missouri who teaches often that if we believe that if we ask for something and speak good things we believe for it to happen. so the opposite has to happen too. if you speak negative, you are cursing yourself. We have also learned a lot at Hillside too that your words have real power, for good or for bad. for life or for death. good stuff. I liked it alot. and i liked that a lot of it is talked about in the bible, and there is a guy teaching that these are important, but without the emphasis of God. interesting.

my favorite thing i learned is smiling creates endorphins in the brain that make you happy, just as if you are happy you will naturally smile. so when you are feeling down, smile and it will make you feel better!!

changing and feeeeeeling

my good friends just left to go live in hawaii. and even though i know i will see them again and talk to them a lot, it really hurt. and it hurt even more because i dont like feeling that pain. ive changed so much in the last few years and i feel like i can love better, and feel pain better. a friend helped show me that if i dont feel pain, i cant really feel great joy. most of my life i didnt feel. and now that i am feeling more and more, i wonder how many people i hurt, because i was hurting but couldn't see it. i dont look back and search, but its more of seeing out hurting i was, and i couldnt show that much love to people. i love people and i had lots of friends, but i also see now that i was not always loving to people that were close to me. and my friendships then were nothing compared to what i have now. some of those people are still my friends, through it all, but now our friendship is better. im thankful for friends, that i can call family. even though it hurt (and still hurts) to say bye to my friends, i have a real relationship with them, and they bring me real joy, and real happiness. and i will take the hurt to have the joy that they bring me. :D

the last lecture

I just got done watching the last lecture with Randy Pausch. he was a pretty neat guy. now i was multi-tasking while watching it but for the most part i loved what he had to say. what i got from it, live life to the fullest. And that the people who care most about you are sometimes the hardest on you. i love living life to its fullest. isnt that why Jesus died on the cross? it inspires me to keep trying. because you cant succeed if you dont try. it was interesting hearing him talk about the idea of dying, and comparing it to a game. you may be on a winning streak and able to battle through lots of obstacles, but if you lose the game, at least have fun playing and give it your all. another thing i loved was he would ask his kids every night what their favorite part of the day was and what the worst part of the day was. i like thinking about the best part of my day. i wrote a blog similar to this before, about my song. if in my life, my day was a song, what would i ask to God to play again. God sure is gracious and giving to me. i cant wait to see what else my life has in store.

the name of my blog, sometimes ya gotta be silly is really how i try to live my life. it seems like lately ive gotten down and out of it. im still having fun, but man, i could have so much more! and why not! im still young, but when my time does come, i want people to enjoy stories of me and them just doing crazy or silly things. i want to see everything. even though i have an awful memory. i think its getting better. i wanna see the elephant!! haha. i dont remember where i heard that but its true. i want to see the things you just dont normally see. i want to travel and see crazy cool sites. i think thats why i love photography. there are so many beautiful things everywhere i go, and by taking pictures i take that experience with me too. i wonder what my next adventure will be....

:D

a new chapter??

so i have a new roommate! her name is shayla and she comes with swazy, a 3 year old black lab. I LOVE having two dogs in my house! many think that two dogs is a little much and more crazy, but now when i leave parker at home,
she has a friend. swazy is an awesome dog and he is really well behaved. and both dogs just love each other. parker now sleeps next to my bedroom door rather than on my bed, just in case swazy is up and ready to play. its relaxing. and even now i can just sit and watch them play instead of parker needing me to play with her late at nite. i have one video of them running around a little on my youtube. there will be more soon im sure. youtube.com/debi1016

im hoping life at home slows down a little and is a little more relaxing on the nerves. :D

whew go life!!!

so. 1130. sleeeeeping for work tomorrow. 1230, woken by about 10-12 people in my house parker barking and going crazy. seriously? its almost 1am. lets have a party in a house with people that actually have regular jobs and need sleep. good idea. ugh. i am really growing to hate roommates and our lease is up. do i renew it for more hell, and i still have to find a new roommate so i can kick one of my roommates out. we will call her roommate #1.....now what is the cause of my awakening tonite? roommate #2......not amused. im trying to figure out how to live in a good situation where i can really enjoy life at home. ive thought about living with a family, but i dont know about that either. as much as i like people i really like my privacy too. and i dont want to live way out there, in say cold springs. :( the drive is just too far. and i know another girl who has a room for rent and would be awesome to live with but she lives out in wingfield springs. its just too far. ugh. whatev. i think the party ended and they are actually gone now, so yay for being awake for a little bit of time. i just dont know. where are people about my age that are respectful and pay bills on time? and are nice and friendly? do they exist? im starting to give up on the idea that this is possible. thanks for reading....peace out its bed time...again.

the dentist.....

i hate the dentist...a lot. i finally found a dentist that i like and hygienist that was awesome too, but now my insurance doesnt cover that dentist. my boss tried a new dentist today, and she had to wait an hour just to see the dentist...no bueno. soooo who out there has a good dentist. im back on the dentist hunt and have NEVER (except my last dentist, greg powning) liked any dentist. I need a good, nice place with nice people and a hygienist that isnt going to kill my mouth. :D

truths of Jesus.....

Jesus is the Son of God.
Jesus died for our sins.
There is freedom in Jesus.
JESUS CAME IN THE FLESH.
Jesus rose 3 days later....after dying...
Jesus is Lord.
Jesus is my King.
Jesus is Love
Jesus is Truth
Jesus is above all else
At the name of Jesus demons flee.

I like knowing that Jesus is real. and that He loves us. and all His Truths. I like knowing about God's good spirits. I like knowing that Jesus is stronger than anything Satan can throw at us. Sometimes these truths can be hard to believe. especially when there is an enemy battling against Him. I love it when i feel His angels surround me. when i feel His peace flood me. I love feeling His Perfect Love. Im so thankful to learn and know my Jesus. The Word. word.

then and now

ive been thinking a lot about the "then and nows". specifically before jesus and after jesus, and life without jesus and then coming to be a slave for jesus. bear with me.

i wonder how many sacrifices people had to give to be "pure" or right with God. I wonder if it really deterred people from sinning more than today. I dont think so. i dont think people are worse now than they were then. i dont think they are better either. but i cant help but think how easy it is now. we dont have to buy animals to sacrifice. we dont have to go to the temple to sacrifice them. we just go to God through Jesus and we're done. But maybe our sacrifices are just different. I know the more i learn about Jesus, the more i change. I have lost friends. criticized by family at times. i think this happened back then too im sure, but was there God guiding people on how to live their lives or just laws? is it easier to "get right with God" now or is it harder to be guided by God now? maybe there are real answers. i didnt grow up in church. i dont know a lot still. so this is my newest thought. Im thankful that we can go right to God now.

the other thing that i have been thinking about is good and evil, with and without christ. in the book velvet elvis, he says "God has no boundries. God blesses everybody. People that dont believe in God. People who are opposed to God". thinking about this it makes sense. we are all God's children. I think God gives special blessings to those that follow him. and then i think about the Devil. I think back to the days when i didnt know who Jesus was. Life was hard, but i was still pretty blessed. not as much as i am now, but still pretty blessed. i never had any really hard times to go through. i dont think i really belonged to Jesus. or maybe i did but i didnt know it. and neither did satan. but then i make that choice. i learn about Jesus and i decide that this Jesus thing sounds good. then satan turns up the heat. makes it a little harder to trust and follow this Jesus fellow. but looking in on it, it makes sense. if satan has come to steal kill and destroy, who would he go after. how about those who are for the one he opposes? makes sense. why would he sit and waste his time on people that dont believe in Jesus? I think he still causes destruction in everyone's lives but i think he really works on turning people from God....which means they have to know God and be for God.

well those are my petty thoughts for the moment. now im going to sleep and try to get over this cold thing i got going on.

it breaks my heart

it kills me to see others put down. it kills me to see this happen in everyday life, lies spoken over peoples lives. why are we so quick to judge?? am guilty of this too. i am quick to judge but i like to think that i would still talk to the person and not put them down. it kills me to see people judge others because they are a different race, or have a retardation, or something about them that they cant change. i make a lot of jokes, but if you hear my jokes its satirical i promise. i have all sorts of friends. that i really consider friends. but it kills me when it hurts someone. and why is it when people go to church, they can be the meanest and most judgemental? "i found jesus now i can judge others because i am great!!" is this the message they are hearing. because ive been hearing a different one. it kills me to see kids be forced to grow up so quickly. i grew up quickly. and now i spend everyday being a kid again. (part of the reason im still single is because boys have cooties...jk...but seriously...lol). it kills me to hear teens have destructive words spoken over them. its hard enough they get it at school, but to get it at home or from adults? what is that teaching them? im glad our God can handle us being upset or even angry. im glad that we are allowed. im glad that it is ok to be mad (just not sin in our anger). :) man when i get to heaven i have so many questions for God. i really think from about 12 to 21-ish is when we are really trying to figure out who WE are and what WE believe. (i think we all struggle with knowing ourselves our whole life, but i think this is really one of the more important times). where do we get this? from our parents. from our friends. from our church. from our peers. parents, and "adults" --- why are we not living our lives like Jesus??? why are we not showing our children how to live? why are we hurting others in church? shouldnt this be a safe place? where everyone is welcome?? one thing that bothers me is people have this idea that they have to be put together. i grew up this way. problems at home were at home, when you went somewhere, you were a happy family and when people asked how you are you said good. im learning to really say how im doing. i'm glad some of the youth can really tell me how they are doing. i think its important to have your life more open. :D ok im tired. not making much sense to myself anymore, and i want to read some Sex God, so good nite all!

my song

taylor swift has a new song out called "our song". its about a guy and a girl driving and she says shes sad because they dont have a song, so he replies

"Our song is the slamming screen door,
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow
Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date "man, I didn't kiss her, and I should have"
And when I got home ... before I said amen
Asking God if he could play it again"

now ive never been one to have songs with boyfriends...well ive really never had one. but i like this song because life can be our song. i love it. and asking God to play it again. it makes me think of my song with Jesus. stuff that means something to you, but wouldnt to other people. great stuff that you wish could happen every day. my song today, drivin with my puppy sleeping in my lap, talking to my dad, going to youth and getting attacked by kids hugging me, and sitting, watchin a movie with parker (my puppy) laying in my lap. this is my song today.

today had its bad times, but when i think about what mine and Jesus' song would be, i think i had a pretty cool day. and a pretty good song :) maybe God will play it again tomorrow.

Whats your song?

my house!!...and a puppy on the way

ahhhh. i decorated a little for halloween. i bought a wooden hanging decoration with three pumpkins on it, and painted it myself, and hung it in my kitchen area. and i got a GIANT pumpkin that lights up for the front of my house and spider webs for my front porch. the next door neighbor kids came over and helped me put the webs up and man, those kids are good!! haha. i did the high parts (yes i stood on a chair, because im short, but i was the tallest...) and they wrapped some around the pumpkin, and just made it killer good! im pretty excited. its great. ill have to take some pics and post them up here. so cool...i cant wait for xmas. i cant wait to get a real tree and stuff.

im feeling more like this is my house. its only been about a week that i have felt that, and we are in our 3rd month here. crazy. im lovin it. and im getting to know my other roommate joann and she is really a sweet girl. love her.

oh and btw, in case you are curious. my garage is completely decorated....my room is still white walls...haha.

and im getting a puppy in a couple weeks. shes a yellow lab with a pinch of shepard in her. if anyone thinks of any names that are cool, shoot them my way. im kinda wanting either a name that has to do with camping, or boating, or something to that nature. OR something cool in german that doesnt sound like im throwing up in my mouth when i say it. here are some options so far: malibu, schatzi (tresure), fluss (river), blume (flower), schnee (snow), wohnwagen (trailer).....gimme some more!!! or maybe cool english words that i can translate and see if they are cool in german. so far, im leaning towards mailbu (like the brand of boats) but i still really want something in german. :)

good nite all!

what a season....

of change that is. Ive been a Christian for about 2.5 years now. And already i was able to go help with an outreach in Germany. Talk about blessed. In Germany there was a lot of crying lots of revelation for me (and others, but im really not much of a crier...) There was one time in particular where i realized how much i have changed in the last 2.5-3 years. I really didnt want anything to do with church. I believed in my heart there was a God but thats as far as i wanted to explore. i didnt understand about relationship with Jesus. When we were Erden Germany, I was wondering around the vineyards in by myself, and God really showed me how i changed. a few things have changed my life completely and didnt even know it. when God hit me with this i just stood near the vineyards, surrounded by the beautiful scenery and cried. a lot. i was never one to share my emotions. i was always the funny one but not even my good friends knew about me. its taken me a lot to really let people know that i have problems in my life. its hard. i was always carefree, and people always used to tell me how much they wanted to be like me, even though they didnt know me. i didnt share myself. i didnt know myself. i knew how to make people laugh and did what my parents dictated me to do. then i moved out...and i still didnt find myself. it wasnt until i accepted Jesus, that i started a real foundation of who i am. im still in process, but now i know who i am. i am who God made me to me. not my parents. not my friends.

God is really taking me through a season of change. He has been since before i left for Germany. Without knowing it, he prepared my heart so i could get the most out of Germany. Before i left i half joked with people that i may never come back...sure it was a joke, but in my heart i wanted to be as far as i could from life as i knew it. I hated my job. HATED. i really hated my life. my friends were just ok to me, and i knew it was me being bitter. Really, truely, there were only 2 people i missed when i was gone. my dad and my best friend. and i had a new job and a new house lined up and ready for me when i returned. No stress, no real distractions. I came back the same person, but i believe with a better understanding of who God made me to be, and with a better spirit within me. now, my job is FABULOUS!!!! i love it. ive been working there for almost a month! and it has flown by! my house is another story. it wasnt what i had in my head, but i know something significant is going to come out of it. Life is really never better now, but i know there is a lot more change to come. I just want to be able to say Yes. I cant wait to see more of who i am in Him. im excited to see what God will equipt me with. im also a little terrified. but i have to keep going back to my favorite verse: philippians 4:13 "For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength".

the newest thing that God is teaching me is how powerful words are. and how powerful HIS words are. :)

what do you want God

so i have a friend....not a good friend but a friend. and he knows the bible just doesnt live a lot of it. at all....and i have been feeling lately like i am supposed to talk to him about it. so tonite i asked God to make it completely obvious to me. and he told me to turn my music off...something that rarely happens. and this is what he shared with me.

we are the light right?? Well Jesus is the light, but we have Jesus in us, therefore we are the light to the world. ive heard analogies before but heres what God told me.

Im driving home, there are street lights spread out down the street. as few as there can be while keeping it fairly lit up. now. me driving in my own car, i have my own light. so the street lights dont do much for me. they add extra light but i dont need them. but then God made me think if i didnt have my car, i would be walking. then how thankful am i that there are a few spread out. i would have to use them to get home. what about if you live where there arent street lights. i grew up where there wasnt but we still walked home if we were at a friends, so we would walk a block or so in pitch darkness...but it was fine. a little scary at times but it was fine. a light would have been nice though....

ok. sooo heres the thing. We are the street lights. In our world i dont think there are a lot of us. but when people are walking in darkness and wanting to have that light, they will walk near the lights, they may even stop to use the light, but the lights dont move with you......some people walk in darkness and think light would be nice, but brush it off and keep walking in darkness because it is what they know and they are ok with it, even though they know that light would be good.

sooo. we are called to speak when we are called upon. what do i mean. when people ask questions, we are to speak our hearts. we are not called to turn off our light especially when there are people seeking after that light. :D

so this is what God is calling to me, for this situation. i thought i would share because i enjoyed the lesson. i want to say too, that this is just what God is speaking to be about my situation. :D

gut nacht. im tired and going to bed.

sober

sooo God has put this on my heart a lot...this is gonna be a long one, so bear with me. The dictionary on my computer says sober means "not affected by alcohol; not drunk". ive been listening to kelly clarkson's song sober...if you haven't heard it, its a good one. ok. first, my blog has nothing to do with alcoholism itself, but rather the idea of things that capture us. for some it may be alcohol but for others it can be a multitude of things from sex, to drugs, to lying, whatever your drug is, we all have ours. in kellys song she talks about how shes been sober for 3 months yet its still hard. her first line, "i dont know, this could break my heart or save me. nothing's real, until you let go completely. so here i go with all my thoughts ive been saving, so here i go with all my fears weighing on me."

There are things of this world that are not illegal but are still harmful. if you are of age it is completey ok for you to get drunk by the worlds rules. but its not healthy. This is where God came in and said dont get drunk. It is to protect us against harm. when we have something like that to give him, it doesnt make it easy once we offer it to him. its something we still struggle with. ask a girl that has been anorexic, and she will tell you that she still has a hard time with it even if she has been free from it for years. ask an alcoholic after 10+ years of being sober if it is easy. They will tell you they still struggle. We need Jesus.

back to the definition. "not affected". this is phyically not mentally. We struggle a lot with things in our heads. what is right and wrong. emotions and feelings get in the way of this a lot, and i really feel that Jesus wants to help with it. thats why He gave us his word. So we have a manual to follow. we dont always follow it, but if we are seeking truth we know where to find it. "this could break my heart or save me". a lot of our 'drugs' we cant get rid of. we feel that if we stop, we wont be complete because it is a part of us. we feel that, yeah it could save us, but what if it breaks our heart, what if it is too painful. 'once you start its just too hard to stop' right??? In Jesus we have new life. In Jesus we have his strength. Philippians 4:13 (my fav...) "I can do all things with the strength Christ gives me". not i can do all things. the bible says that God will never give us more than we can handle. (many places like 1 corinthians 10:13) but think about this. if that was the case, there wouldnt be suicide. for those people it is too much to handle. here enters Jesus. it is Jesus that can handle it. philippians 4:13 doesnt say "I can do all things." it doesnt just state that Jesus can do all things (which he can but its not my argument). but rather we can do all things with HIS strength. Jesus calls us to call on his name all the time. (Let my life be a prayer) but when things get really tough and we cant handle it we dont have to. we call on the one that can. I like to think that God will never give me something too hard. At bible study tonite, it came up that, He will give us something we cant handle. read job. but with the strength of Jesus in us. there is nothing that we cant do. BECAUSE OF JESUS. NOT OF OURSELVES. will it make it easy, no. but because of Jesus we can walk through it.

He wants to save us. He came to save us. He died to save us. He lives in us to save us.

He wants us to live life to the fullest. and a lot of times there are 'drugs' that hinder life to its fullest. I think it is time for us to 'sober' up. and place our hearts in His hand. and know that we will be saved and not heartbroken. but we have to give it all up. we have to let go completely. it will be hard. always. i think in time it gets easier, but never becomes easy. Life feels better though. and then you can walk in truth and know true freedom. not freedom by the worlds standards.

Let our lives be prayers. Let us walk in your freedom Jesus.

is marriage worth it

im single...no boyfriend or anything. but marriage is super scary. someday i really want a husband and a family. but sometimes i see people in aweful marriages and it makes me wonder if it is worth it. my friend is thinking about getting married. i see red flags like mad. things arent good now and i dont see them getting any better. I feel like shes settling. Thats one thin i dont wanna do is settle, but how to do you when its right? I know my past relationships werent right. because when i get out of them im happier than when i was in them. is it right when you are the happiest with the person? i mean there are always going to be fights im sure...but how many fights are too many. im thankful to know people in good relationships. the couple im living with right now, i see how perfect they are for eachother. but those that dont work, or where people are miserable, make me worry. I mean God gives us life to enjoy. what happens if we are stuck and cant enjoy anymore.... hummm. I've been told not to settle. and i dont think marriage should be settling. it is a blessing from God. its a gift. and you never settle on a gift...but im getting challenged by "love". the more relationships i have the more i realize i know nothing about true love between and man and a woman. hummm. so these are my thoughts. im not sad, or bitter or anything. life is the best it has ever been, these are just my ponderings. :D

like father like daughter

Matthew 5:16 "In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father."

I read this verse this morning and God really spoke to me about this. Taking God out of this picture heres his message to me. Children take on characteristics of their parents. Sometimes that is a good thing and sometimes its a bad thing. For me, my dad is a super caring guy, willing to go out of his way for others. I think i got that from him, im always willing to help people without thinking that i need something in return. My mother is subborn as all hell. She doesnt take any crap from people and is pretty set in her ways. I think i have this in me too. I am extremely subborn. sometimes it is a little negative.

ok back on track. When you meet a good kid, you normally look to the parents and give them praise for rearing such a wonderful child. if the child is bad, you look to the parents and think, "man they need to learn how to disipline their kid". as good kids, we try to behave well when we are around our parents company (or at least i do).

ok now God. When people see us, they see nice people or mean people. If it is known that you are of God and that you know God as your father in heaven, they are going to see your Father through you. they are going to see how God reared you. If we are truely from him, we will bear characteristics of him. And his company is his creation.

The kids right now are at youth camp, and yesterday a lady gave noel a compliment about the kids. they were at bowers mansion swimming and the lady came up and started talking to noel, curious as to why they were there with so many kids. Noel told her it was youth camp for our church, and the lady said "I knew you guys were from church! Those kids are sooo nice to eachother, and others, well behaved and no cursing or anything!!" This is what Matthew 5:16 is talking about. Good deeds, can be, being nice to others, or not cursing. and when that lady complimented the kids like that she was giving glory to God. Whether she knew it or not. I dont think either that the kids were trying to be good. maybe to a certain extent. but i know these kids pretty well. they are good kids. they behave, it is habit for them to be good. and for just playing at a public pool, and playing, they brought glory to God, and God rejoiced in them.

it makes me wonder how i bring glory to God. I hope that i too, can be a light to God's way. in everything i do. When im working, when im playing geetar, when im riding my dirtbike, when im out at my country bar, when im just hanging out with friends, at a house, or at a party. My prayer is that my actions and my heart bring praise to my Father in heaven.

church everyday

Me and miss amanda are going to be moving in together pretty soon (for a little we are both moving in with nick and kirsten actually too, soooo) we were talking about the fact that we are going to have church everyday. probably a few times a day. what am i talking about?? no, we are not going to sit and do a "bible study" a few times a day. but we will probably see each other every morning. maybe have breakfast. we will watch tv together. dinner on a bunch of nites. movies, parties. i know some may be thinking crazy. thats not church. why not? we dont have to pray everytime we sit with eachother to make it church! i pray constantly, let my life be a prayer, and make it just as strong as my words of prayer. (a secret, i usually dont end prayers when praying to God. I talk to him and then continue on my way. and then i will jump back in to conversation. if he is always with us, why do we feel like we need to close our thoughts?? if your on a road trip with your friend you dont start a story and at the end, say bye.....youre still with them) whew. back to my point....God created us to be in community. when me and amanda and liz sit and watch a movie at our house, jesus is surely going to be there!!! of course there is going to be prayer and such with me and amanda, but i dont think thats what constitutes as church. at my church, there is time to sit and talk, then worship, then teaching, then eating and more talking. i consider the talking just as much church as the teaching! and the words and feelings being shared are not always about jesus....i will have more about things we do for our "church"....

ps. im excited about the whole church taking a month off....i know there is still more discussion on it, but i cant wait to see what happens with it and im looking forward to praying with amanda and seeing what ideas are givin to us! :)

blessed

Im feeling so overwhelmed lately. God has truely blessed me with a lot of things. Friends who i consider family, and just a lot of stuff. God knows my path. He knows where i'm straying, He knows where i'm right on path. He knows when i will stray again. I find myself asking why He continues to bless me sooo much. I also cant help but feel happy and warn inside knowing that im not walking alone. God is still teaching me a lot. He's in the process of teaching me HIS way. and not my own. Its hard. My own feelings get in the way alot. This is really hard in the youth group too. Finding where my place is. and in life really right now. Finding where my place is as a friend, as a christian, and as a person in other people's lives. oh growing pains. its hard at times, but miss amanda keeps encouraging me that it is worth it. haha :)

on a separate note, i cant believe how God has blessed me with family. im not talking blood family. well blood of jesus family....hehe. me and my real family always have problems. I miss my dad soo much. and he lives 45 minutes away...me and my mom's dont really get along. (real mom & step mom). Me and my real mom are talking more which is nice, but im always leery of her being nice. My brother and me are getting closer. if i didnt have those people that are in my life now, it would be really hard though. my sisters: amanda, kylie, lisa. my brother petey. i love them all soo much. im really gonna miss petey when he is gone....and missing church has been really hard for me, because I consider them all family too. I love learning. I love hearing Louie teach, but even more than that, i love the people. I can listen to the podcasts. but the podcasts dont give me hugs from my family.

but the point -> Jesus has blessed me soo much over the last 2 years. It was right about 2 years ago that someone told me about this Jesus guy. And not too long after I fell for Him. It was around the end of May 2005, that I started my relationship with Jesus. And ever since the blessings continue to flow.

head over heals in love.

you know when you first meet someone. and for the first little while they are perfect. and if you could fall in love, you would. that feeling that they are wonderful. welcome to my life with Jesus. i've known him for about a year and a half. and i'm sooooo in love. this last sunday at church was great at worship. (for those that may not know, the worship im speaking of is singing songs of praises to God). i got lost in it. i forgot where i was. i was just calling out to Jesus. i got home, and sang more in my room. i got lost in him again. i dont know how long i was singing but i was lost in his love. He is that perfect love. the one that never lets ya down. that never condemns when you mess up because it is going to happen. rather he corrects. hes funny. and loves to tease me about things. he teaches me new things constantly. he gives me great friends and family. people in my life like amanda petey kylie lisa and soooo many others. these people that support me. but back to the love of my life. hes perfect. he makes me smile everyday, and helps me rest at nite. i cant help but sing out to him. i know it is only monday nite, but i have been singing to him as much as i can since sunday morning. he calms my worrying. worrying does me no good. he constantly tries to please me and give me blessings! and my blessings are truely overflowing. i pray that someday i can have a husband much like him. someone i can be crazy about. someone that will make me laugh and smile every morning til nite. a year and a half. im not bored. im excited and somehow keep falling more in love with him. im excited for the future ahead. i know it is good. i will continue to walk in the blessings he has for me. i thank jesus for knowing my heart and consuming it. i thank him for refining and not radically changing me. i thank him that i dont have to fit some mold, and that he came and broke that mold. i need him and love him. hes always been there and never let me down. im never lonely. im head over heals in love.