doctors appt!

so i gave in and im seeing the doctor tomorrow at 245. prayers please for knowledge for the doctor and pray he finds what it is. i got a lot of people aware of what is going on and my bosses are having similar symptoms so that helps. i was gonna fight and make the hospital pay for my co-pay, but today i met with my boss (about something else) and he said to make sure the hospital pays for it!!! yay no fighting! so hopefully by this time tomorrow i will be with the doctor figuring out why im dying. please pass along the message i need prayer for the doctor to figure out what it is so it will help me and hopefully others in my office too!! thanks all!! god bless!!

a blessing

i just wanted to share in how the Lord is blessing my life. i love relationships with people. The Lord has blessed me with good strong relationships lately and im soo thankful. The first is my church family. You guys rock my socks!! (hahaha, totally stole that from one of the kids, cc) You are amazing and caring and truely family to me!!

next is amanda! she is my new best friend!! and its exciting! shes just perfect for me!! we have sooo much fun together and can talk about problems and pray together. i have a lot of friends but none quiet sooo like me, and i love her!! shes amazing! i love that we can go out together dancing, have a drink together occasionally, and still share a Jesus relationship! Thank you Lord!! :)

Secondly, i have a new boy friend. hes different than anyone i've met though, and he treats me like a princess. (which is a big change, im usually just one of the boys...which i love but this is special to me!!) I prayed a lot about him, and whether we are supposed to be together or if its best to be friends. God's responce, he is a gift to me. our ideas line up very well, and he is seeking Jesus. doesnt know Jesus yet, but is seeking him! :) and hes wanting to go to chuch and bible study with me and he loves hearing the stories i have about youth group and the amazing kids that i have grown to love with all my heart!! i dont know where God will take our relationship, but im excited for it.

i wanted to share this and how loved i feel by two people who i have only known for a few months or less. Love is soooo important and i think it is important to say to those you do love. i enjoy hearing that someone loves me, because i think love is wholeheartedly. to all of you who i know and have become my family and friends i love you and in Jesus' name, i pray a blessing for your day ahead! :)

perfect and perfect timing

last nite i went to bible study at karis house and sat with her and tiffany and katy. it was great times, we learned about the power of the tongue, but along with our discussion lead us to the idea that we are perfect in God's eyes and we are right were we need to be.

we talked about envy. i think this is something we all do. not necessarily in the form of "things" or "pocessions". one of the girls brought up the idea of envying peoples opportunities or lifestyle or relationships. know we know thats not good, but why? we wanted to know the why. it says that the tongue is a 2 edged sword, we praise God with the same tongue we curse man made in God's image. the words we say come directly from our thoughts, which in turn come from our hearts. we thought about the idea of your thoughts are really words to yourself.

ok, so at the end all this will go together (i hope). another thing we talked about is that we are perfect to God. everything God creates is good, and he created us. we are perfection because we are his creation. not because of what we do or our looks, because we are his creation. Tiff had brought up the idea from the monday morning church: God gave us our little quarks as gifts. our different face expressions etc. and he smiles when we use them. he thrives in our personality.

that said, an evil tongue brings death and evil straight from hell (im not trying to be sinical, thats what the bible says). your thoughts are what drives your tongue and the heart drives the thoughts.

so envy is indeed evil thoughts that you are not good enough. when you envy, you dont get what you envy, you only get bitterness. and this is not from God. good does not come from envy. also remember you are a child of God and you are perfect in his eyes. he made you, you! and he placed you where you are for a REASON! he didnt place you in someone elses shoes, he set a path just for YOU and no one else! and good things happen to those that wait.

so basically my main idea that God has been pounding in me lately --- you are special and perfect, flawless in God's eyes. and you are in the perfect place in your life. as hard or "unfair" as it seems, it is your PERFECT place right now!

and that, ladies and gentlemen, is my ranting for the day! :)

needing prayer!!!

ok, i need some help. i need prayer for health. i dont have allergies. but at work im allergic to something! and i dont know what it is! so there is a department here at the hospital called "infection control" and they deal just with the health issues like this at the hospital and stuff. i called them and they are doing carpet samples and air samples to see what it what is wrong. i start my day with benedryl and afrin and asprin. then the benedryl takes a little to work and once it is working it makes me drowsy all day! i have to get something else that wont make me tired, but the point is i need prayer that this will be solved. right now i just hate coming to work, only to feel like im dying and sick. and i sit and fight to stay awake during work, (only taking one benedryl too but it kicks my butt!!) and its freezing today. but i have a sweatshirt and a blanket!!! :) please pray that they find out what is wrong down here. other co-workers are having the same thing so i know its not just me. i just cant work like this anymore. i wanna go home after like 15 minutes.

like a brother...

lol. i love my life. i love the love Jesus gives me everyday through others!!!

so yesterday i raced!! first race ever. i missed monday morning church and i was sad about that, but racing was a lot of fun! it was out in yerington, and just like a big family race and they welcomed me with open arms! it was barrel racing and for those that dont know it is usually done with horses. there are three barrels and you have to go around each one as fast as you can. horses do this in around 17-18 seconds. me....well my fastest time was 24. which was good though!! still faster than some guys though!! and i got a tee shirt for being the fastest girl...yeah its pink,,,and yeah its my first pink shirt and i got it from racing!! lol.

so i went with my friend mikey and his brother. mikey told me i was like a brother to him! lol. we were fighting. i lost. got my gear all dirty. when im out riding. im one of the boys, and its fun. i pray God uses me in racing.there are actually a good number of racers who are christians, but there are also alot that arent. i hope God uses me to show people who he is. (on a side note -- there is a few races that start with the national anthem and then a prayer before racing -- pretty cool)

random thoughts....

so last nite, i was just sitting and thinking...and driving....anyways: i thought it was interesting how some peoples nervous tendencies are the same as when they are really comfortable with a person....

lemme explain my random thoughts. when i get nervous (yes it does happen!!) or just uncomfortable, i start talking -- randomly too, usually incoherent talking. similarly, when i know some one really well, i talk and talk usually making no sence. if its in the middle, i dont ramble quiet as much. i thought about those people that are quiet, how they are quiet when they are nervous, and when they get super comfortable with a person they can sit in silence with that person and love it. silence for me kills me! lol.

so thats my thoughts for today.

also on a separate note: i want to sincerly thank everyone for their kindness in our church. i prayed my graditude last nite and college group, but i want everyone to know how thankful i am that we are a loving accepting church. i really believe we are a good example of a Jesus church family! love you all with all my heart!!

my happy heart!!! thank you Jesus!!!

today was amazing. it really was. i was doing the powerpoint for church and i love doing it because i get to see everyone and its great!! today church was just filled with the holy spirit!!! worship was amazing. Gods blessed me soo much in my life, i dont even know what to do but give it to others. now, let me be the first to say that im a pretty tough girl, i dont cry (even though i know i prolly will when i get my tat....but i digress) today, i cried. there are these 3 girls at church and they are amazing and sweet. i love them with all my heart i really do. well today i met mom and dad, and mom just gave me a hug and said that i was such a blessing to these girls and how highly they think of me, and just how thankful they are for me...dad hugged me and told me i was a blessing and thanks...wow. i never even thought i was touching a family in that way. it made my heart sooo joyous the tears came rollin down!! thank you Jesus for the love you have given me so i can give that away to others!!

you guys, i have to say i love our church. one of my friends has been coming lately, and he has (like many many others) been hurt in church before. tonite he told me and amanda that the first time he came he was a little nervous since he hadnt been for years, but went, and felt unbelievably welcomed! thank you Jesus. he was scared of judgement and was confronted with love! he loved louies message, and the realness of him. thank you Jesus. i really wanna say though, louie can stand up there and give the best speech in the whole world but it is still the church as a whole that really makes the impression. today another friend came with me too. she hadnt been to church in a long time too. hurt also. worship touched her heart so much she cried. (and shes tougher than me!! lol) she wanted to know more about things i do with the church. what this idea of bible study was, and it was great to tell her all about it! she'll be back soon enough and thanks to those that showed her love too. its so nice to see it. i love you all. i love that our church is a safe place overflowing with love.

well its late and i work early so i think its time for bed.... but before i do, thank you all, you are all blessings in my life and thanks for the power to give me joy. everyone of you do! In Jesus' name i pray a blessing over our church family and those we touch. In Jesus' name i pray for joy and love for the week ahead, and i thank God for all the love we have and have given away. Thank you Jesus, it is in your name i come everyday. Amen.

...at the drive in

we had a lot fun at the drive in!! it was great. just great. so i got a radio, that wouldnt work btw. and my truck wouldnt pick up the station but other trucks around us had the station just fine. it was a great nite and one of the best ive had in a while. it was a great mix of people! my friend noelle came up from gardnerville (we go way back and have a pirate history...long story) and she brought her friend tink. also, petey, jamison, matty, kari, amanda and her brother (whos name escapes me now...i prolly couldnt spell it anyhow). my friend timmie and his girl friend tamara also came along! it was fabulous. i'm gonna plan another one, and maybe plan it a little in advance so we may be able to get a bigger group (we will see if i can try to break out of my shell of randomness....and plan something a little while in advance) and popcorn is a must next time! lol.

God blesses me more than i deserve. we were talking about destiny last nite, its one of the things i struggle with. i dont like structure. i like chaos, randomness. i love it so for me to think that God has a purpose for my life and has it planned out scares me and i just plain dont like it. i realized last nite though that im just thankful that he is unique to everyones lives and he blesses me with the idea of randomness even though he knows my destiny day by day for the rest of my life.

Thanks to all those who came out. You are a blessing in my life.

In Christ

its refreshing. so im reading through the monday morning church book. i love it. today, i was reminded that there is nothing i can do to deserve God's grace. thats comforting.

over the last few weeks my patience is being tested by many people. i am very patient and hardly get mad. it takes quiet a bit. (please dont try --- lol) but i have found myself overly frustrated lately. mainly because of peoples words and actions. there have been personalities of people close to me that i hate. i hate when people use others as a crutch when it is meaningless and they can do it by themselves. they do it for the attention of others. secondly people attacking the one person i love the most here on earth. my father. for all those that dont know, i am a daddy's girl and think VERY highly of him! ahhh. ok back to my point. heres a little bit of the set up. a guy here at work said something incorrect about my father. it was just mean and completely untrue. not his place to say. so while reading the book i was reminded, we are placed where jesus would be placed. im sure Jesus's father was comdemed by people. im sure he had to be confronted with negative ideas of his heavenly father. and i can imagine how mad he could have been. but he loved them just the same. i hope that i can keep my love towards people. it is slipping.

I love you Jesus and i pray everyday that you will make me stronger and more like you.

a little ruffled

so tonite something was said to me that made me a little upset. my dad is my everything. i love him more than anyone on this earth and something was said about him. and the thing that was said (looking back on it now) was not meant to be mean, but that is how i took it. not mean, just disrespectful. lately this friend of mine has been really sarcastic, which is fine! so am i, but there gets to a point where you dont hear anything encouraging, and you can only brush off soo much. so i guess this was the straw, and i just lost it, i was heart broken and really hurt.

on another note, im not good with sharing hard feelings. so if this blog doesnt make much sense its ok. i grew up like "one of the boys" and we dont share our sad feelings right?? lol. much easier for me to write a little about them though. so along with this idea, i may have been a little harsh. --- i dont know if this is just me, but i dont care to hear that someone is sorry. i can see if the person is sorry or not by their eyes. i just want to be assured that it will not happen again --- so i told him how it felt, and how much i was really angered by this. (it takes a ton to get me angry). he appaulogized like a nice person, but i just told him i didnt want the appology i just wanted him to be aware of how i felt and for it not to happen again. (maybe a little mean on my part...)

i feel better that i got it out. ok back to work. and eventually sleep.

what is "wrong"?

i have been thinking a lot about how people are "supposed" to go about presenting God. i mean, if something i think is wrong helps one person, is it right?

i always love driving past these two particular churches in carson because of the messages outside. i remember one day, one of the churches signs said "God is coming, Repent" (or something close to that) and the other said "in Christ you are free". i like the second one. if someone doesnt know Christ they dont want to be scared into it. and even a believer that has fallen wants to hear good news. isnt that the idea of the Gospel?

but what if that first sign brings someone back to christ?

i get angry really easily by those who are preaching to people in the "wrong" way. like those people who were preaching at unr and trying to scare people. and the guy downtown that tells people why they are on their way to hell. or there was another lady in vegas that walked around with a giant sign saying "stop sinning, turn to Jesus". i consider all these bad ways to bring people to Christ.

but again....what if their message made one person pick up the bible and read it? or made one person think? or even brought one person to search after Christ?

i hate it when God is right!!!! lol

life is good and amazing!

its funny how God works. ya know, you know he knows best and all, but when you think you are right, you tend to forget he knows what he is doing! ha.

the biggest area of my life where this is true is my relationships with boys...ya know, i find a guy i think would be good for me, and i tell God, "hey there ya know, this could be a good thing", then he doesnt give it to me and shows me why. hum, i hate it when he is right..... lol!

funny too how when God wants you to do something, he keeps coming! keeps knockin until you hear the door. I like it because i get the analogy of me at home. i like noise. i love music. and if someone is knocking at my door, i may not hear it right away and how sad if they were to just leave. but not Jesus. he stays and keeps knockin til we hear him and are ready to answer it. it makes me think too of our monday morning church. Jesus doesnt shove his presence in our face, storm into our house; neither does he condemn us in His name, we need to do the same. There is this crazy guy i saw last nite downtown who likes to tell people why they are going to hell (in God's name of course). i wanted to talk to him, but it was late, and i had a group with me that wasnt interested talking to this man.

hum, ok enough for this post, love to you all

time for prayer

so i dont know if you guys have heard, but here at my work (Carson Tahoe Hospital) they are cutting jobs like crazy. 50+ people are being terminated. already about 15-20 have been cut, mostly department heads, and most of them people that have been here for around 30 years. my boss was one that was cut. everyone here is on edge to hear about the next in line to be cut. its frustrating, everyone is on edge and in awe of the people that were let go. my position is one that could be cut, but i dont know if they will yet or not. my boss assured our department that no one else from here will be gone, but i dont believe it for a second.

I would love some extra prayer for those who lost their jobs and those that have yet to find out. I pray that this opens a new window in life for them, and i pray the best for them and their families. please keep these people in your prayers.

so im not a rough tough coco puff....

so this weekend was the first time ever that i almost hit someone...i mean like punched them as hard as i could in the face. i'm not an angry person, and ive never been in a fight, i do enjoy wrestling and fighting with people i know but never been in a real fight. well ok, i was at a mx race in california (just for watchin no pictures) and me kylie and our two guy friends were walking down this hill and (sorry here im not racist just describing) and this black guy about 6'5" prolly 260+lbs, muscles popping out, walks in the middle of our group and make an awful comment to kylie. extremely rude and completey innapropriate. as soon as he said it, i pulled back to hit him. then it was like time stopped and i thought....hum...i hit him it wont faze him prolly, he will kick my butt and then go for the two scronny guys i am with....worth it....kind of.....well no. so we just walked past him. so the guys i was with are strong but they dont have his weight or muscles....

this was the first time i had nearly acted on feelings. i was angry enough to try to show this guy that he was in the wrong. i thought about it later and well im still shocked i had made a fist and actually pulled back to strike a guy more than twice my size. and all i could think of was...maybe i would have had a chance if i had mase....hum. i just wanted to bring pain and humility to this guy. humility more than pain.

funny how just words can pierce sooo deep. ive never felt such physical anger. i am better today though!! :) i'm just amazed that there are people out there like that. sick people.

hard times

i hate when you have to do something or make a choice that you dont want to. when you have to do something that you know will be better but when it comes time to do it, its terribly hard and painful. hard times make us stronger and are for teaching i believe. if things were always wonderful and easy, there would never been anything great about life. it would be boring and mundane, with one good day after the next. im thankful for the hard days that make the good days that much better. life is wonderfully awful, and awfully wonderful.

goodnite

welome to the madness

SOOOOOOO i'm officially freaking out!!

this weekend i have four foto shoots. yeah thats right, two days, four shoots. three on Saturday and one on sunday. (thank you james for covering powerpoint!!)

ok, saturday, 10am-2pm is the K-9 Karnival!! yeah its a dog show at RC Willeys, benefiting the Cancer Society. We will be taking pictures of the show dogs competing and all other dogs that want a studio setting in our booth....if anyone has a dog, bring it down and stop by and say hi!! :)

at 3pm, I'm headed to Marie's salon for some head shots (yay, we are doing before shots now and then after shots may 20th!!!) so that should be fun and quick.

Then, we are headed to Fernley. There is a barbecue and karaoke competition from 7-10.

THEN SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then Sunday is the race! yay. then monday tuesday wednesday, etc is uploading all these pics! (i dont think i will be at bible study on monday matty...:(........)

I keep praying for patience and smoothness starting at 4pm today when i get off work.

and one last note....i saw my friend Eva last nite, and we are going out to dinner on tuesday!! im excited i havent really talked to her in a while. she doesnt have a phone so she is hard to get a hold of. she has a myspace account which she checks occasionally so we talked mildly through that, and she just told me she is back and working at raleys so i was able to see her!! yay! i love this girl soo much. i have a funny story for another post, my break time is up!

love you all!!

im sick

i hate being sick. it seems like lately i have been sick a lot. like 4 times in the last 7months or so. I've been trying to figure out why. before that i didnt even have a cold for like 2 years. (and worked at a grocery store!! constant germs) I'm convinced that i am allergic to my new boyfriend! lol. ok not really, but i could be.....hum.

so church yesterday was great for me. (not that it is ever bad...) God really spoke to me though. I have really been blessed these last few weeks and i havent given any thanks to God. This really hit me in worship and made me really count my recent blessings. of course i came to God, thanked him, and appaulogized for not giving him thanks earlier. life is great. and i want to give all thanks and glory to God!!

I love watching how God places people in my life and others. when i look at my friends i see that most of them would not hangout together if they were not brought together by me. I have a variety of friends. ive never really fit into a "group". i love growing and learning, and if you stick to the same group of friends, you dont learn as much. ok i think ive had to much medicine and shouldnt be typing a blog....

i'll be back when i have a clear head!

boyfriend or girlfriend

ok, so heres the deal.....i have a new boy, yes it is now official. my roommate/best friend/ sister (yeah kylie) hates him. not dislikes him, hates him. don (my boy) is really shy, and when he talks he tries to be cool and what comes out of his mouth is a little mean. all in joking though. that and he is hard to hold a conversation with when he doesnt know you. so i need help with prayer. i pray that don can learn to show himself to people as himself. hes absolutely great. really sweet. so heres the deal. im not going to lose kylie. but im not gonna give up don. it puts me in a hard place though and whenever don is over at my house it is awkward around kylie. i hate it. i also pray that kylie can see past her stubbornness and try to get to know the don i know.

another little thing i have to vent about it the idea of girl friends. lemme explain. kylie says don is ALWAYS mean to her, and she told me that EVERYONE else sees it but me. this to me means she talked to her friends and they rallyed with her in her complaining. they do this and i hate it. so when i go against them, im kinda singled out. i just hate it. i hate that she uses everyone. i really am if-y still about don, but many people have also said he seems like a nice guy. just REALLY shy. but many have told me that i should try it because hes a sweet guy, and i deserve a sweet guy. (which sounds corny, but i know its true, and i havent really had that in the past - nothing like don)

im just a little down and dont know how to handle this. i dont do drama, so i dont know what to do. all i can do right now is pray. i just hope the power of prayer helps this situation. please be praying for me also guys. :) thanks!

what a nite!

my buddy louie is in a band and last nite he opened for paperboy at NV50! it was their first show!! and they were great! it sounded great!! :) and i had my camera so i have a ton of cool pics of them singing on stage and just chillin. it was a lot of fun though. we were dancing and yay! (btw, me and katy are taking a hip hop dance class so soon i will be awesome at dancing!!) ok so back to the story, my wording my be a little crude so beware to all that read!!!! im serious! we the guy that owns the club also owns all the bunny ranches. soo the wrist bands said "bunny ranch" around them and there was a special VIP area where that guy and all the girls. after my buddy's performance, we went to sit down (the other guys were aweful) and we were sitting right behind that guy and those girls. it made me sick. i was sooo angry!! this guy is old groping on the girls and the girls were aweful too!! ahh, i sat there pissed off and praying to God for each one of them, until i couldnt handle it and me and don left. i had a hard time with that guy (i dont remember his name nor do i care). the girls i prayed that they would see the light someday, and turn to Jesus. but this guy, he was selling girls bodies and lusts after all of them!! hes rich and well, i think i finally found someone that i can hate! i was glad to be surrounded by christians (my whole group of friends :) ) but still. i was glad to go and support my buddy, i just wish i didnt have to support the bunny ranches at the same time by buying the ticket and stuff.....

so other than that, this new guy is cool. hes still quiet, but hes breakin out little by little, and hes still going and doing these thing with me, so its cool. one thing that i love is he really just gives to people. we are always talking about the Jesus question, and well hes full of that. hes sweet. its nice to with him going to church because i can bring him to my church and i can go to his as well. its nice that church is a part of life to him too. im also still unsure about him, but I just keep prayin. we are going rollerskating tonite with my little brother and all his friends. lol. then maybe to the driving range at the hilton. should be fun! alright im out! see most of you tomorrow!

i just cant get enough God!!

so man, i have some stories. (i know i know, surprise surprise)

so i had a date tonite, kind of a blind date, never really met this guy but i saw him once and said "hi", so i kinda know him. funny because i was dating another guy a few weeks ago, and he was a ton of fun and really sweet, but he wasnt good for me. i knew it but liked him. I feel like God really took him away from me, and i wasnt sad. weird, but true. i met this new guy...well its a story on its own. at pure country (my favorite bar) i met a guy named john, real nice guy so he set me up with his roommate, donny. so about donny, hes quiet. almost painfully quiet for me. but hes cute, 20, doesnt drink at all, and he loves Jesus. hes into sports (which im not....but thats ok) and doesnt really watch tv (yay neither do i really!!). im unsure but i kinda like him. so im praying to God, and giving him this possible relationship with this guy. if hes a good guy for me, God will give him to me. If not oh well, there are more out there. hum....im wierd with relationships, sometimes i see i guy thats great, but theres just something that tells me God says no. even when they are good christian guys. i just dont know.....

secondly, i have been praying that God show himself to Kylie. and tonite, the idea of different types of religion came up and she asked if people believed in the same "person" (her words...:) ). so we got to talking about it, and she asked if she was ok. she said that she believes in God (man i was sooo happy, overjoyed, etc, she believes. before went we had talked she was unsure if she believed or not!!!) but she said that she is just someone that needs proof of something. i pray that i help be her proof. she said that she does believe though but is she a bad person for like not going to church and such and just not fully knowing because she doesnt have proof. i told her no. i told her believing was a big step. i dont think its bad to need proof. i think beliving is the first step, then its seeking truth, and in seeking you find proof. its not something that someone can tell you. (read 1 john 2:27 - only the holy spirit can teach you things...not other people so those that dont seek the holy spirit may not see proof because people alone cannot show proof) :) im happy tonite!

one more thing i need prayer for. i hate praying in front of people. i feel like i dont have the words. they are ok in my head and when they come out its aweful. i want to be able to pray and uplift people. i want Jesus to really speak through me. and i need to feel more comfortable. i can tell anyone about Jesus, but praying is really really hard for me. i realized this more than ever when i was with katy and matty on monday nite. we prayed for eachother, but i just didnt feel it. i was nervous in front of two really good friends, and its wierd and i dont like it. soo please pray for me. thanks guys!

im going to bed now, gooooooood nite all!! xoxo