what is "wrong"?

i have been thinking a lot about how people are "supposed" to go about presenting God. i mean, if something i think is wrong helps one person, is it right?

i always love driving past these two particular churches in carson because of the messages outside. i remember one day, one of the churches signs said "God is coming, Repent" (or something close to that) and the other said "in Christ you are free". i like the second one. if someone doesnt know Christ they dont want to be scared into it. and even a believer that has fallen wants to hear good news. isnt that the idea of the Gospel?

but what if that first sign brings someone back to christ?

i get angry really easily by those who are preaching to people in the "wrong" way. like those people who were preaching at unr and trying to scare people. and the guy downtown that tells people why they are on their way to hell. or there was another lady in vegas that walked around with a giant sign saying "stop sinning, turn to Jesus". i consider all these bad ways to bring people to Christ.

but again....what if their message made one person pick up the bible and read it? or made one person think? or even brought one person to search after Christ?

i hate it when God is right!!!! lol

life is good and amazing!

its funny how God works. ya know, you know he knows best and all, but when you think you are right, you tend to forget he knows what he is doing! ha.

the biggest area of my life where this is true is my relationships with boys...ya know, i find a guy i think would be good for me, and i tell God, "hey there ya know, this could be a good thing", then he doesnt give it to me and shows me why. hum, i hate it when he is right..... lol!

funny too how when God wants you to do something, he keeps coming! keeps knockin until you hear the door. I like it because i get the analogy of me at home. i like noise. i love music. and if someone is knocking at my door, i may not hear it right away and how sad if they were to just leave. but not Jesus. he stays and keeps knockin til we hear him and are ready to answer it. it makes me think too of our monday morning church. Jesus doesnt shove his presence in our face, storm into our house; neither does he condemn us in His name, we need to do the same. There is this crazy guy i saw last nite downtown who likes to tell people why they are going to hell (in God's name of course). i wanted to talk to him, but it was late, and i had a group with me that wasnt interested talking to this man.

hum, ok enough for this post, love to you all

time for prayer

so i dont know if you guys have heard, but here at my work (Carson Tahoe Hospital) they are cutting jobs like crazy. 50+ people are being terminated. already about 15-20 have been cut, mostly department heads, and most of them people that have been here for around 30 years. my boss was one that was cut. everyone here is on edge to hear about the next in line to be cut. its frustrating, everyone is on edge and in awe of the people that were let go. my position is one that could be cut, but i dont know if they will yet or not. my boss assured our department that no one else from here will be gone, but i dont believe it for a second.

I would love some extra prayer for those who lost their jobs and those that have yet to find out. I pray that this opens a new window in life for them, and i pray the best for them and their families. please keep these people in your prayers.

so im not a rough tough coco puff....

so this weekend was the first time ever that i almost hit someone...i mean like punched them as hard as i could in the face. i'm not an angry person, and ive never been in a fight, i do enjoy wrestling and fighting with people i know but never been in a real fight. well ok, i was at a mx race in california (just for watchin no pictures) and me kylie and our two guy friends were walking down this hill and (sorry here im not racist just describing) and this black guy about 6'5" prolly 260+lbs, muscles popping out, walks in the middle of our group and make an awful comment to kylie. extremely rude and completey innapropriate. as soon as he said it, i pulled back to hit him. then it was like time stopped and i thought....hum...i hit him it wont faze him prolly, he will kick my butt and then go for the two scronny guys i am with....worth it....kind of.....well no. so we just walked past him. so the guys i was with are strong but they dont have his weight or muscles....

this was the first time i had nearly acted on feelings. i was angry enough to try to show this guy that he was in the wrong. i thought about it later and well im still shocked i had made a fist and actually pulled back to strike a guy more than twice my size. and all i could think of was...maybe i would have had a chance if i had mase....hum. i just wanted to bring pain and humility to this guy. humility more than pain.

funny how just words can pierce sooo deep. ive never felt such physical anger. i am better today though!! :) i'm just amazed that there are people out there like that. sick people.

hard times

i hate when you have to do something or make a choice that you dont want to. when you have to do something that you know will be better but when it comes time to do it, its terribly hard and painful. hard times make us stronger and are for teaching i believe. if things were always wonderful and easy, there would never been anything great about life. it would be boring and mundane, with one good day after the next. im thankful for the hard days that make the good days that much better. life is wonderfully awful, and awfully wonderful.

goodnite

welome to the madness

SOOOOOOO i'm officially freaking out!!

this weekend i have four foto shoots. yeah thats right, two days, four shoots. three on Saturday and one on sunday. (thank you james for covering powerpoint!!)

ok, saturday, 10am-2pm is the K-9 Karnival!! yeah its a dog show at RC Willeys, benefiting the Cancer Society. We will be taking pictures of the show dogs competing and all other dogs that want a studio setting in our booth....if anyone has a dog, bring it down and stop by and say hi!! :)

at 3pm, I'm headed to Marie's salon for some head shots (yay, we are doing before shots now and then after shots may 20th!!!) so that should be fun and quick.

Then, we are headed to Fernley. There is a barbecue and karaoke competition from 7-10.

THEN SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then Sunday is the race! yay. then monday tuesday wednesday, etc is uploading all these pics! (i dont think i will be at bible study on monday matty...:(........)

I keep praying for patience and smoothness starting at 4pm today when i get off work.

and one last note....i saw my friend Eva last nite, and we are going out to dinner on tuesday!! im excited i havent really talked to her in a while. she doesnt have a phone so she is hard to get a hold of. she has a myspace account which she checks occasionally so we talked mildly through that, and she just told me she is back and working at raleys so i was able to see her!! yay! i love this girl soo much. i have a funny story for another post, my break time is up!

love you all!!

im sick

i hate being sick. it seems like lately i have been sick a lot. like 4 times in the last 7months or so. I've been trying to figure out why. before that i didnt even have a cold for like 2 years. (and worked at a grocery store!! constant germs) I'm convinced that i am allergic to my new boyfriend! lol. ok not really, but i could be.....hum.

so church yesterday was great for me. (not that it is ever bad...) God really spoke to me though. I have really been blessed these last few weeks and i havent given any thanks to God. This really hit me in worship and made me really count my recent blessings. of course i came to God, thanked him, and appaulogized for not giving him thanks earlier. life is great. and i want to give all thanks and glory to God!!

I love watching how God places people in my life and others. when i look at my friends i see that most of them would not hangout together if they were not brought together by me. I have a variety of friends. ive never really fit into a "group". i love growing and learning, and if you stick to the same group of friends, you dont learn as much. ok i think ive had to much medicine and shouldnt be typing a blog....

i'll be back when i have a clear head!

boyfriend or girlfriend

ok, so heres the deal.....i have a new boy, yes it is now official. my roommate/best friend/ sister (yeah kylie) hates him. not dislikes him, hates him. don (my boy) is really shy, and when he talks he tries to be cool and what comes out of his mouth is a little mean. all in joking though. that and he is hard to hold a conversation with when he doesnt know you. so i need help with prayer. i pray that don can learn to show himself to people as himself. hes absolutely great. really sweet. so heres the deal. im not going to lose kylie. but im not gonna give up don. it puts me in a hard place though and whenever don is over at my house it is awkward around kylie. i hate it. i also pray that kylie can see past her stubbornness and try to get to know the don i know.

another little thing i have to vent about it the idea of girl friends. lemme explain. kylie says don is ALWAYS mean to her, and she told me that EVERYONE else sees it but me. this to me means she talked to her friends and they rallyed with her in her complaining. they do this and i hate it. so when i go against them, im kinda singled out. i just hate it. i hate that she uses everyone. i really am if-y still about don, but many people have also said he seems like a nice guy. just REALLY shy. but many have told me that i should try it because hes a sweet guy, and i deserve a sweet guy. (which sounds corny, but i know its true, and i havent really had that in the past - nothing like don)

im just a little down and dont know how to handle this. i dont do drama, so i dont know what to do. all i can do right now is pray. i just hope the power of prayer helps this situation. please be praying for me also guys. :) thanks!

what a nite!

my buddy louie is in a band and last nite he opened for paperboy at NV50! it was their first show!! and they were great! it sounded great!! :) and i had my camera so i have a ton of cool pics of them singing on stage and just chillin. it was a lot of fun though. we were dancing and yay! (btw, me and katy are taking a hip hop dance class so soon i will be awesome at dancing!!) ok so back to the story, my wording my be a little crude so beware to all that read!!!! im serious! we the guy that owns the club also owns all the bunny ranches. soo the wrist bands said "bunny ranch" around them and there was a special VIP area where that guy and all the girls. after my buddy's performance, we went to sit down (the other guys were aweful) and we were sitting right behind that guy and those girls. it made me sick. i was sooo angry!! this guy is old groping on the girls and the girls were aweful too!! ahh, i sat there pissed off and praying to God for each one of them, until i couldnt handle it and me and don left. i had a hard time with that guy (i dont remember his name nor do i care). the girls i prayed that they would see the light someday, and turn to Jesus. but this guy, he was selling girls bodies and lusts after all of them!! hes rich and well, i think i finally found someone that i can hate! i was glad to be surrounded by christians (my whole group of friends :) ) but still. i was glad to go and support my buddy, i just wish i didnt have to support the bunny ranches at the same time by buying the ticket and stuff.....

so other than that, this new guy is cool. hes still quiet, but hes breakin out little by little, and hes still going and doing these thing with me, so its cool. one thing that i love is he really just gives to people. we are always talking about the Jesus question, and well hes full of that. hes sweet. its nice to with him going to church because i can bring him to my church and i can go to his as well. its nice that church is a part of life to him too. im also still unsure about him, but I just keep prayin. we are going rollerskating tonite with my little brother and all his friends. lol. then maybe to the driving range at the hilton. should be fun! alright im out! see most of you tomorrow!

i just cant get enough God!!

so man, i have some stories. (i know i know, surprise surprise)

so i had a date tonite, kind of a blind date, never really met this guy but i saw him once and said "hi", so i kinda know him. funny because i was dating another guy a few weeks ago, and he was a ton of fun and really sweet, but he wasnt good for me. i knew it but liked him. I feel like God really took him away from me, and i wasnt sad. weird, but true. i met this new guy...well its a story on its own. at pure country (my favorite bar) i met a guy named john, real nice guy so he set me up with his roommate, donny. so about donny, hes quiet. almost painfully quiet for me. but hes cute, 20, doesnt drink at all, and he loves Jesus. hes into sports (which im not....but thats ok) and doesnt really watch tv (yay neither do i really!!). im unsure but i kinda like him. so im praying to God, and giving him this possible relationship with this guy. if hes a good guy for me, God will give him to me. If not oh well, there are more out there. hum....im wierd with relationships, sometimes i see i guy thats great, but theres just something that tells me God says no. even when they are good christian guys. i just dont know.....

secondly, i have been praying that God show himself to Kylie. and tonite, the idea of different types of religion came up and she asked if people believed in the same "person" (her words...:) ). so we got to talking about it, and she asked if she was ok. she said that she believes in God (man i was sooo happy, overjoyed, etc, she believes. before went we had talked she was unsure if she believed or not!!!) but she said that she is just someone that needs proof of something. i pray that i help be her proof. she said that she does believe though but is she a bad person for like not going to church and such and just not fully knowing because she doesnt have proof. i told her no. i told her believing was a big step. i dont think its bad to need proof. i think beliving is the first step, then its seeking truth, and in seeking you find proof. its not something that someone can tell you. (read 1 john 2:27 - only the holy spirit can teach you things...not other people so those that dont seek the holy spirit may not see proof because people alone cannot show proof) :) im happy tonite!

one more thing i need prayer for. i hate praying in front of people. i feel like i dont have the words. they are ok in my head and when they come out its aweful. i want to be able to pray and uplift people. i want Jesus to really speak through me. and i need to feel more comfortable. i can tell anyone about Jesus, but praying is really really hard for me. i realized this more than ever when i was with katy and matty on monday nite. we prayed for eachother, but i just didnt feel it. i was nervous in front of two really good friends, and its wierd and i dont like it. soo please pray for me. thanks guys!

im going to bed now, gooooooood nite all!! xoxo

a wonderful weekend

so i got baptized this weekend. and it was weird, i was really nervous. i can stand in front of tons of people and speak or dance around and be silly, but although it was a great happy time i found myself very very nervous. Giving my life to another is just a little scary. I've already given myself to God but being baptized just told everyone else that i was serious about it. Thanks to all those that were there. Very happy time for me. i was really glad to have my family there too. I was excited to introduce my church family with my immediate family. And Kylie came which was great!! She is soo supportive, and although shes not ready for church right now, its amazing how much Jesus she has in her without knowing it. :) I pray that God will show her His way. :) Thanks for all your support though, its hard for me to take compliments usually, but i do enjoy the love that is shown. and i wasnt at college group, but my highlight was being surrounded by family while giving myself to Christ. :) life is still just grand!

final thoughts before bedtime!

so tomorrows the big day. (well technically today, its morning now). im a little nervous but i know im ready. im getting baptized!!!!! its cool to because my parents are coming up, and my bro. and my friend marissa may come and watch me! shes awesome and it was really cool of her to ask to come and watch.

on another note, this last week was great. i went out dancing tuesday nite and learned a new line dance and then wednesday nite after youth group, i went to a movie nite with a new group of people i met at pure country. they're fun! crazy, and high energy, and just good people! its great.

this weekend was fun too. always interesting, and never the same. im selling my dirtbike... :( but im getting a newer one. ive had my bike for years and love it, its just getting old and needs a little tlc. i test rode a bike today honda 250x and really liked it. and my dad is gonna help me make it street legal to so i can drive it around a reno a little to peoples houses and stuff!! yay. so today i spent a lot of time with my dad, cleaning up the bike and makin sure it is in good condition. (almost made me wanna keep it til i rode the other one)

well thats all, im going to bed, tomorrows gonna come too quickly. goodnite all, see most of you at church tomorrow. xoxo

God is Good

God makes all things good. God makes mistakes good in the end. (well He is capable of that) tonite was great at bible study and louie and joni's. everyone was full of thirst for knowledge and it was great. lately we have been reading alot without a lot of discussion but tonite we read about 3 paragraphs and we had soo many good conversations. makes me really happy. we talked about promises God has for us and how long we are supposed to wait and how to wait. mainly how to wait. God promised me a family. And im ready for one. (well not ready for the full family but ready to date that guy that i could have a family with someday) but it seems that guys pass through my life and i just havent found that guy that i see myself with. theres always something that doesnt fit. i've been seeing a guy lately...and hes sweet and nice, but not one that i will be with for my life. we havent talked in a few days and i have been a little down about it (ya know that typical what did i do...) but i realized tonite that i have Jesus. and that is the best guy to have. and "soon" (God's words..lol) i will have a guy that i can grow with in life and have a family with. im just soo happy tonite. life is good. I havent felt this good in a while. and louie, no im not taking that job, i would miss out on too much stuff that i love. God showed me tonite what i need to do. and the job doesnt fit.

also, im sooo excited to get baptised. i really cant wait. ive known Jesus for about a year and a half now, and its great. when i started going to hillside i didnt know who He was. i didnt know if He was God, or God's son, or what the deal with Jesus was. and know i know Him. :) i cant wait to be re-born in him. Jesus is the love of my life. although ive only had a relationship with Him for a little over a year now, im thankful He's been there since before i was born. right by my side. :) life is grand!

Thanks to all of you for your love. i couldnt ask for a better church family and im truely blessed to have each one of you!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

untitled

man, life is good. and confusing. and unknown. and i dont know. so here goes another random, pointless post.

today i ditched work to go snowboarding. it was great!! went to northstar, and i kicked butt. (mind you this is my first season, so i did good, but still not like pro)i went in the terrain park with my friend and decided to give it a try. i did a box, yeah thats right. so it was small, like 2 ft long and like 7 inches off the ground....but i did it without crashing!! then were the jumps, well i ate it off of nearly everyone. then i decided on the second run through i wanted to do a 180 off a jump....so i attempted it, and slid face first down the other side of the jump...lol it was great! maybe next time ill make it.

next, is jobs, i love my job, but im thinking about moving up with another company. i answer phones now and do some tech support, but mainly i answer phones. this new job i would be a tech. soo theres a plus. down side is the new job is swing shift. plus side it is 4 10's. not sure if i get weekends off and stuff which would be a big issue. but then it is here in reno and that would save me hundreds on gas every month. so i dont know. how bad is swing shift guys?? i think i need to apply for it. btw. the shifts are either sun-wed or wed-sat. the hours are 430pm-3am. i would miss youth on wed, and maybe sunday nites bible study. i just dont know. any thoughts guys? (i dont know pay difference yet either)

on a side note, im getting a new couch tomorrow. free from a friends family member. yeah im stoked! its a nice one too. soo its great. i cleaned my house and im ready for it, now i need someone to help me move it into my house and it will be sweet!

"Did you think you were immune to this"

WOW!!! It's amazing when God really talks to you.

So tonite i went to the youth bible study at the church and btw petey was speaking and did FABULOUS!!!! yay petey, really you did great!! (all the kids loved you too, they told me so!!)

so, tonite there was a girl that was just having a bad day. (a bad week really) and i could tell. ive been there and saw how she was feeling so i decided to talk to her. She's going through a rough time and well, i could relate to her well. Ya know when you are going through a rough time and every little thing seems to go wrong, and the littlest thing can bring you to tears even if it is silly and trivial, this is her now. Her highlight: coming to church!

so the title of my blog is the first line to the song "love heals your heart" by third day. this song reminded me of the girl and what we were talking about. there are so many lyrics in the song that are just perfect for life. and its troubles. one line says, "everybody has a wall to climb". it really makes me think that problems we go through are like giant walls. at first we know they are big, but it is still laughable, like ur standing in front of it, playfully pretending to jump over it. then you realize you have to climb it. hum. it gets harder and harder until finaly you are in tears because you cant get over. and ur trapped. everything makes you cry now, even barely scrapping your finger on the wall. the hardest part is pulling yourself over, but when you finally reach the other side, it is like the wall was nothing. Eventually we all make it over the wall, but it is easier when there are two rather than one trying to get over. Here enters Jesus. The wall is still as bad, but with Jesus helping you over it makes it a little easier. (still hard though).

so thats my thoughts and the words God gave me for tonite. I will be praying for the girl and keep her in my prayers!!!!! Love her to death and hope that God shows his love to her too. like the name of the song i've been quoting, "Love Heals Your Heart". Please add her to your prayers as well!! God Bless!!!

randomness.....

well its 240 in the morning....and i cant sleep. yes im tired but my throat hurts, my head hurts and my eyes are alittle swollen. yeah i think im allergic to myself. so anyways....i figured i would write a little blog about my random thoughts at 240 in the morning. keep that in mind while reading. lol

i dont know how many of you watch supercross, but ricky carmichael is a racer and used illegal fuel and was caught so he was pentalized 25 points. good news to me because i just dont like him and he was in the lead, so yay. well no, last week they decided to give him his points back and fine him 20,000!!! ahhhh. now he is back in the lead. makes me a little sad. i just want someone else to beat him. hum.

i called in sick yesterday. i hate calling in sick, but i was completey unable to talk and i answer phones all day.....just wasnt gonna work. so i figured as long as i wasnt going to work i was sleeping. i have been overly tired lately though. im not a sleeper. if i get 6 or 7 hours a nite im good. really. but yesterday i couldnt stay awake for more than 4 hours without falling asleep again. so i pretty much slept all day yesterday.

im home sick. i miss my dad. me and the rest of my family got in a fight a few weeks ago, and well ive never been able to be mad at my dad for anything, me and my bro made up but my mom (actually stepmom) said something that really hurt. im wanting an appalogy but know i wont get it. ive already forgiven, but still want the recognition that what she said was wrong and mean. but i really just wanna go home and have homemade spagetti, help my dad in the garage, watch movies and pass out on the couch. i really miss my dad.

im hungry but dont know what i want to eat. pasta really sounds good now that im reminising about spagetti. well i actually dont think im hungry but i cant pass up the idea of food. yeah i want pasta, and bread with lots of butter on it. ummmm.

i dont know what im doing anymore, i feel lost. i had a plan coming out of highschool and stuck to it for 2 years, then over the last 7 months, i dont know what my plan is. im very spontanious, but i like to have life plans to stick to so i have a feeling of accomplishment. im just not feeling dedicated to anything.

and lastly for tonite, april 2nd. im gonna be baptized. never been before, and i just cant wait. i feel that God is really talking to me in this area and asking me to do it. i keep reading different passages on baptism and agree with every one. i feel like this is my time to be reborn again in christ.

well its 3 now, and im gonna try to get alittle sleep. love you all, xoxoxo

my bible study

my friend katie got me a bible study book for christmas and we decided that we want to do it together. problem: our schedules are opposite, and we really have no time together. so i decided to make it a blog, we can talk when each of us gets a chance and others can do it with us too!!

so lately it seems like me and katie are just trying to find ourselves. and it is a little hard. hopefully this bible study will help us and others in finding who they are and who God wants them to be.

Take a look at the blog, add to it, join in if ya want, i want this to be a nice discussion and the more views the better!! :)

http://www.walkthewalkyoutalk.blogspot.com

xooxoxoxoxoxo

bible verse of the day

So i have a mac and i have widgets on my mac. They are just little mini programs that can let you view different things quickly (to to mac.com and look for widgets there are a ton, from weather to email to daily words). anways so i have a bible verse of the day on there and i love reading it everyday. Some verses i've heard and others i havent. todays was a good one. At church Louie has been talking about Truth. and what is real Truth. This verse reminded me of real truth and i believe louie shared it the week before last...

John 14:1-7
1 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. 2 In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. 4 And you know the way to where I am going.” 5 Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” 6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7 If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him.”

i love to know that through Jesus, I have a place in heaven just as Jesus does. I like the analogy of a giant house. although it is big, there is a place just for me. my very own room in the kingdom!! :) I also like this because of the fact that Jesus is our way to truth, life and to God. Sometimes God seems a little intimidating to me. I know he loves me but i can't help to be intimidated. Jesus is my best friend really. i feel comfortable talking and sharing, and never feel overpowered by him. Im thankful that God gave us His son. Im also thankful that i have Jesus, Himself, living in me everyday. This is the Good News!!!

Love you all!!

Fotography!!!

So as some of you know, i started my own fotography business with my roommate/sister, Kylie. And so far its a lot of fun. I've been missing some church which is hard, but with the online files i can still listen. :)

so this weekend we headed to marysville ca, for a local motocross event. I love motocross and it is great to be able to take pictures. We stayed with my grandparents. Thanks to those who have prayed for my grandpa. He is doing good and looks good. he was up and walkin around, and in good spirits, just like he always is!! He has been undergoing chemotherapy and just got shingles. so its hard right now, but hes doing great!!

me and kylie didnt get track permission to take pictures yet for this race. but we went anyways hoping that it would all work out. and it did perfectly. we were scared we were gonna drive all the way there and have them deny us, and turn back around and come home. but no. they were awsome and really nice. its funny how many christians you see at a motocross race. before they sang the national anthem, they said a prayer. how cool is that??!! that was definately a highlight (since i didnt get home intime for college group now you know what my highlight was...)

It was a great race though, two people were hauled away in an ambulance, one with broken ribs and leg, and the other with a broken arm i think. scary at times, especially when you are close to the crash and know you need to run on the track and stand in front of the injured rider til the flaggers and medical staff can come. but those were the only bad crashes. The little kids are fun because when they fall over they just stand next to the bike and wait for someone to help them up. and i think every 50cc and 60cc bike i picked up and started, started differently and was geared different. ahh. some kicked forward others backwards. it was fun helpin them though. :)

there was another fotographer out there too, he was at the last one also, but hes awesome. really nice. me and kylie are gonna print a nice pic of him (he also races in the 40+ class) overall we were blessed to run into so many great people at these events, check out some of the fotos!! www.flipflopfotography.com

love you all, God bless, and good nite!

Rockin' and Rollin'

So i just want to write and give props to a great artist. Shawn Lear. Shawn, just want you to know that i love listening to you and your worship team!! i get lost in your songs, its something about ur style that i love! When i am worshiping with you, i feel just like im at a casting crowns concert. or maybe dilerious, or even third day!!!! Shawn you rock, and God truely blessed you with your voice and talent!!! Even if you dont make it big, you'll always be big to our church. You're Hillside's rockstar!

(he was singin tonite at youth group, just made me remember how much i love his singing)