sometimes ya gotta be silly

Forgiving....

2010-01-28T08:54:00.000-08:00

So last Sunday my friend Louie talked about forgiving other and how important it is. He read the story about the Unforgiving Debtor. I have heard this story a bunch of times but it never kicked my ass like it did Sunday. Here's the part that killed me... (Matthew 18:34-35)"Then the angry king sent the man to prison to be tortured until he had paid his debt. 'That's what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.'"

It scared me a little and it made me realize that I have a ton of unforgiveness inside of me. I don't want that! So then my thought process was how to I get rid of this...pray...yeah, but when I was talking to my friends about it, I made a comment like "how do I start forgiving someone I hate? I hate hearing their name, and I have nothing nice to say about them." One of my friends said "sounds like there is a lot of uglyness inside of you..."

So here's my thoughts today, maybe the beginning of forgiving is not hating. I've been realizing, its so draining/unhealthy to hate, but the more you do it, the easier it is, but it is still very bad. But I have been realizing its not about what they have done to me as much as what is going on inside of me. I can control me only. When I was talking to my friends I wasn't expecting the problem to be me...I was expecting that maybe I need to learn to tolerate them better for being so mean, or something like that. nope...its all me.

So I'm gonna try to blog about my process...right now it looks like this: I'm not going to speak those negative words. And I have people to hold me accountable if I do. :D

Honeymoon Trip

2009-12-15T11:25:00.000-08:00

Ok so, I thought I just better write a blog about everything that happened on our trip! it was so fun, and we had some crazy moments too so, if you are feeling ambitious, read on! :D

Ok, so we went down to LA saw lots of family in a couple days, and then had my family take me down to the Port.

ok so day 1, getting on the boat, super exciting! we had no problems getting to the port or on the boat, and our "apple juice" was still in our suitcase when we got to our room. Our room was a small inside cabin, but it wasnt really that bad. The following day was a day at sea, so we spent it exploring the ship, dancing at night and singing Karaoke.

Our first Port was Cabo San Lucas. We really liked Cabo, and didnt have any problems here. We walked to the main beach from the boat, it was about a 20 minute walk, and rented a double ocean kayak for the day. We paddled to the otherside of the bay to a place called Lover's Beach. It was a cool beach, calm on one side and crazy on the other. We also went in this rock cove kinda thing, with big waves and sea lions, it was pretty cool. so we swam around and then took the kayak back. Then we went to a place on the beach for tacos, ceviche and beers and margaritas. GOOD FOOD! expensive thought, but good.

Our second Port was Acapulco. where do I start....I had decided to parasail here. So we walked down the beach found someone who was doing that, and made a deal with them. They told us we had to wait for some more wind, and finally the wind came up enough. So they brought the boat and took us out to a platform about 300 feet out from the shore. I decided to go first. So they hooked me all up, and told me how everything worked. I ran off the platform and was up in the air for about 15 seconds....then the boat died...which meant that I was headed straight for the ocean. And remember, we are in Mexico, so no one can to my rescue, I sat in the ocean for 15-20 minutes while the guy "fixed the boat". I was finally dragged back into the boat, and then he had to "fix the boat" again so we could make it to the platform. Once on the platform, one of the guys started laying out the parachute again for round two...I was screaming at him, and finally got him to take us back to shore. We got our money back and headed down the beach. We had given up on the idea of parasailing, and decided it was more beer money, but then decided to try it again. We watched a couple people go before us, and then went, this time with no problems, and I made Petey go first...lol. After that we found a cool place with mini huts you sit under and had tacos, ceviche and beers, on the beach.

Our third Port was Huatulco (pronounced Wah-tool-co, but we just called it hauk a loogy....by this point, we were over mexico. It was soooo expensive, and you get so hassled to buy crap or go on tours that we were just over it. Huatulco is a really small town, and we walked it in about 5 minutes, and decided to sit on the beach instead of exploring, and drink beer all day. There was one beach with lots of lounge chair with umbrellas. So we sat at one, and a guy came over and told us we had to pay $10 to sit there...so we sat on the beach in front of the chairs until Petey decided to go find one we could sit at for free. He found one. :D So we sat, drank beers, ate some tacos, and bought new rings. I really wanted a ring that I could wear camping, or somewhere that I think there is a high chance for me to loose it. I'd rather loose a $20 ring from Mexico. So yes, both got new real silver rings, for pretty cheap. I also laid out all day in the sun, and had fallen asleep at one point so i had a very nice sunburn for a couple days.

Then that night I woke myself up kicking my legs, and by morning we had realized we had bites all over our legs. I had close to 20 petey had at least 10...turns out they are sand mites, that were in the sand in Huatulco. They itched and irritated our skin for the rest of the trip (and i still have some scabs from mine...)

Ok, our fourth Port was Costa Rica. This is the one I was most excited about and I was not disappointed. We had a guy pick us (and some others) up from the Port and take us to see Monkeys, Crocodiles, and Tucans. We also went zip-lining, which was soooo fun! the only bad part about that is there were a lot of people for the zip-line place, so we had about 25 other people and about 5 employees taking us through it. so it took a long time. but it was really fun! After that we went to a restaurant and had a "Costa Rican" meal. Fish, rice, veggies. YUMMY! it was really really good. Then we headed back to the ship. We were originally supposed to go to a market but the zip-line took too long, so we weren't able to go to the market place. and Costa Rica is way cheaper than Mexico so we might have been able to do a little shopping...but it was still great. There is a couple that went on the tour with us, that needs mentioning. She was originally from New York, and currently lived in one of those states, close by with her boyfriend. She was Asian, so she had a winy voice (pertinent i promise!). She was not the brightest crayon in the box, and really wanted to be our friend...She asked us where we were from, we said Reno. Her response "oh yeah I've heard of that place! It's in Phoenix right!?"....we responded with..."uh...Phoenix is a city in Arizona...Reno is in Nevada...." she says "That's right! I've never been good with Geography...." really...? lol. well there were lots of other funny things with that couple but that was the best one.

Ok, next was one of the coolest too - The Panama Canal -
It was an early morning, the day started around 5:30am. We got to go under the bridge of the Americas and then through the Canal. So when a ship goes through the Canal, a captain comes on each ship to navigate the ship through. We also had a guy who was narrating for us (in American English!) Also, Panama city is HUGE! I knew they had some skyscrapers and all, but its a huge city. So anyways, when we went through the canal there was another ship next to us when we were going through the locks. so we got to see them go through as well as our own ship. VERY COOL! Also, in the middle of the locks is Gatun (spelling??) Lake. It is a man made lake that is filled by all the rain from the rain forest. The coolest thing about this lake, is there are no buildings on it (minus a couple just past the locks for canal buildings (and a prison..) But building is restricted because they want the rain forest to continue to fill the lake and fuel the canal locks (since its all gravity operated). So it is very cool to see rain forest islands and areas all around you, with NO buildings, NO resorts, or anything. very cool. Also, the amount for a ship to go through the canal varies and is based on size and weight. Our ship was estimated to have been charged about $300,000 to use the canal! The cheapest was a guy who swam the canal and was charged .70, (i think, i know its close to that...under a dollar...) It took us most of the day to get through the canal.

That night I got food poisoning from dinner on the ship....

The next day was Columbia. I woke up, and couldn't even keep watermelon down. Petey went to try to get me some medicine, but they needed me to go down to the medical center...I could barley make it back to bed, so when i could i just slept. Around 1pm I was able to keep some watermelon down, and wanted to get off the boat and see Columbia because I'd probably never go back to visit. So we got off...with plenty of water for me. We found a guy who was taking a bunch of people to the old town of Cartegena, and we were told he would drop us off and take us back 3 hours later. sounded good to me since i was certain i would need walking breaks. When we got to the old town, he decided he knew the town well, and wanted to walk us around. Fine. It was actually really awesome, and he was great (you couldn't tell from my face though I'm sure...he at one point asked if I was ok, and if this was an ok tour...it was it was great, my stomach was just arguing with my body the whole time... We ended at the hard rock and Petey had some beers, and I had soda. Cartegena is a beautiful city. lots of poverty though and more police/military than I have ever seen before. There is lots of attacks and crime because of the drug cartel and its really sad to see how they live and the things that happen to them. There is a wall surrounding the old city (to protect it back in the day) and we got to walk along part of it. It's made out of coral and maybe concrete...who knows. They guys said it was coral though and you could see the coral in it. Cool stuff.

Then we had two days at sea, and then our final stop and where we got off...Miami.

The cruise itself was ok. The hot tubs were broken the whole cruise...and although lots of people told us they were broken, one person accidentally told us they do routine maintenance on them and our cruise was selected for that...awesome. Another bummer is we were woken up almost every night around 1-2 in the morning to a loud banging noise. it sounded as if there was someone above us lifting and dropping a large dresser over and over for a couple hours every night. The first half of the cruise they told us it was maintenance...the second half, they had no idea what it was. so who knows. Not lots of service on the cruise, and the front desk can't actually help with anything so it was frustrating. The food was ok. nothing to write home about. I'll probably never cruise with Norwegian again, but oh well.

We did meet some fun people though. We met a brother and a sister who live in Guatemala, and who we hope to really visit someday. There was another couple who lives in Seattle who were really cool people. We hope to see them too when we are up in Seattle. (now that we have people who we consider family up there we will probably be up there a lot anyways). And there was some more people that were interesting/funny/fun.

Overall a great trip. And me and Petey still get along great, so you know it was a good trip! lol. It makes it way easier when you are traveling with someone you like, it makes an ok trip a good one. :D

So that's basically the trip, I'll have to add pics later hopefully.

The trip home was uneventful. Everything worked out fine. I don't think I will ever go to Miami though. People are very unhappy, mean people. but our flights were great, and our friends picked us up from the airport, no problems with baggage, etc. We drove home the following day after flying in, and drove back in the blizzard...close to 2 feet of snow in Carson and negative temperatures...quite a change from the tropical vacation but it's good to be back home.

South Korea...

2009-06-04T21:34:00.000-07:00

I wrote a blog on the airplane back about my trip...and I'm finally posting it.

Ah South Korea…My friend is there teaching English, so I thought what the heck, I can visit my friend and see South Korea. It was quite the experience and I decided I needed to blog about it. I’m on a plane right now, with 7 hours left, and one good typing hand. It’s gonna be long…I warned you.

Petey and I went to South Korea. My friend has a pretty good size apartment, and an extra mattress for us. She was working so we had dinner with her every night, and explored during the day. Day 1 – Cabs are cheap. We took them a lot because it was never more than 5,000 won for a ride. (about $4). Hardly anyone speaks English unless they are college age or younger, and had learned it. (which was still hard to find). And everything is in Korean with very few things in English. It is a little overwhelming not being able to understand anything. I’ve been to Germany and at least there you can sound out the words…business there must be owned (the majority of the business) by a Korean. There is no diversity, so we stuck out like sore thumbs. The people are amazing. Extremely nice and go to great lengths to help. It’s convicting because there are so many times we encounter foreigners in the US and instead of trying to help them we say they should learn English, like it is that easy. Try learning another language that is NOTHING like yours. Ok back to the trip, it was just a relaxing week of doing whatever we decided the night before. Our first day, first lunch was a sit on the floor place, and me and Petey pointed to soup that looked good on the menu, and hoped for the best. Lol. It was actually pretty good. Day 2- we went to school with Ashley to teach with her in the morning. The kids are funny. And way advanced compared to US kids. (well the majority). And the spoke pretty good English. On that note here’s a trivia. In the Korean language there are a couple letters that sound the same in Korean. B&P, L&R, and G&K. So it is very common for them to mix it up…therefore Petey called Ashley “Asherey” for most of the trip. Lol. But to them it is the same. ☺. The Koreans at Ashley’s school were awesome and helped us a lot with traveling.

Day 3 was one of the best days. We went to the DMZ. Demilitarization Zone. There was a few stops on the tour. One of them is on the line between North and South Korea. Along their border is the DMZ. It is a 4 Km area where each side protects their own country. In the middle is a bunch of buildings where half is on the North and half on the South. The buildings belong to one side or the other. Blue are South Korea’s buildings and tan are North Koreans. This is where the peace talks took place between them and other countries too including ours. This is where we went. To that room. We stood on the North Korean side of the building so technically I have been to North Korea, lol. The guards here stand all day staring their enemy in the face…and both sides are scary (obviously the north more). All South Korean men are actively in the military for at least 2 years and all have at least a black belt.

Day 4. Seoul, just wandering around and shopping. It was rainy. We saw a giant cathedral, and went to the Seoul Tower even tho it was too foggy to see anything. Then we did more underground shopping and bargain shopping.

Day 5 (Friday) we had a tour guide named Paul. Well, he actually didn’t know the area, but he did read and speak English and Korean so it was easy to get around. We went to a palace, I believe the biggest in the area. From there we had an awesome Korean meal. Just a ton of food really. We had a whole table full that we finished off, and I got up to use the restroom thinking we were done, and came back to a table full of new food. From there we went shopping and Petey found his wedding ring. It’s a silver hand-made ring. Super cool. Then we went to a little creek and off to meet Ashley and her friends and co-workers for a “dinner”….

Our engagement party- In Korea, they love love. And love marriage. So they surprised us at dinner. I got a bunch of the most beautiful roses you have ever seen. They bought cake and champagne, and the director of the school and her son, Paul, got us wooden ducks. In Korea, they symbolize love forever. ☺

From there we went to the “noribong”. They have rooms you rent by the hour for karaoke. It was fun.

Day 6- After a quick walk through Chinatown, and awesome Korean BBQ for lunch we headed to a baseball game. It was fun, cheering, making up what we thought they were chanting. And in the 7th inning stretch all us Americans (5 of us) stood up and sang “Take me out to the ball game” which ended with cheering and clapping. Then was out to an “western” bar. I almost beat a guy at pool even with my bum hand, and Petey rocked the drums.

That night was awesome and ended great and late at 5am…more on that later.

Our last day—we tried to get to a beach with no luck but did find a cool park. They were flying kites there and linking a bunch together, there had to have been hundreds of kites on one strand. From there we headed back to the apartment and then to the airport. Our flight was set to leave at 5:50…we got to the ticket counter at 5:20, and finally to the plane at 5:45…I live life on the edge…haha.

So that is our trip. I learned a lot. Like Petey and I are no longer allowed to drink Soju together because it makes us mean and overly sensitive. Good combo. It was so bad that we didn’t bring any back so we wouldn’t drink it…
The Koreans are nice people who band together to help each other. And there is hardly any crime. I think it is because of them wanting to help each other mixed with the fact that every male Korean has a black belt. Oh and you can buy waffles on the street that have like a honey butter on one side, chocolate cream on the other, and folded in half….heaven on earth.

Ok. Yeah there’s more…if you made it this far, congrats. Saturday night, some crazy stuff was happening, physically & spiritually. And it turned into a night of prayer with Petey, Ashley, her friend and Me. We were praying for Ash, and then were able to tell her friend about Jesus, and she was saved! It was really awesome. I hope to keep in touch and hear how her life changes through this. It was great to see hope at its finest. And love. And peace. And freedom. ☺

It was a great trip. Petey and I travel well together. Hanging out 24-7, we did great. And saw great stuff and met interesting people. I enjoyed Korea, and would recommend it to others.

success!!!

2009-01-15T22:14:00.000-08:00

so i went to a success seminar today. and as silly as it sounds, it was a lot of good information. and a lot of it aligned with God (just without mentioning God). a lot of it, i have been learning over the last few months. well similar ideas. it started with us writing what we are thankful for because "sometimes we forget about all the great things we have". i think a lot of us get down and want so much that we forget what God has already given us. The bible says to give thanks when you present your requests to God (Philippians 4:6 --- there may be others too, i dont know) and it makes me think, we shouldnt just keep asking and keep asking without remembering what He has given to you. another big component was speaking positive, smiling and using language that is positive. and not negative, even like "i won't fail my exam", turning that into "I will pass my test" or even "I passed my test". he talked about spending time talking yourself up and putting it in writing. ive recently been realizing how much what you say matters; over yourself and others. There is a pastor named Keith Moore in missouri who teaches often that if we believe that if we ask for something and speak good things we believe for it to happen. so the opposite has to happen too. if you speak negative, you are cursing yourself. We have also learned a lot at Hillside too that your words have real power, for good or for bad. for life or for death. good stuff. I liked it alot. and i liked that a lot of it is talked about in the bible, and there is a guy teaching that these are important, but without the emphasis of God. interesting.

my favorite thing i learned is smiling creates endorphins in the brain that make you happy, just as if you are happy you will naturally smile. so when you are feeling down, smile and it will make you feel better!!

changing and feeeeeeling

2008-12-23T23:47:00.000-08:00

my good friends just left to go live in hawaii. and even though i know i will see them again and talk to them a lot, it really hurt. and it hurt even more because i dont like feeling that pain. ive changed so much in the last few years and i feel like i can love better, and feel pain better. a friend helped show me that if i dont feel pain, i cant really feel great joy. most of my life i didnt feel. and now that i am feeling more and more, i wonder how many people i hurt, because i was hurting but couldn't see it. i dont look back and search, but its more of seeing out hurting i was, and i couldnt show that much love to people. i love people and i had lots of friends, but i also see now that i was not always loving to people that were close to me. and my friendships then were nothing compared to what i have now. some of those people are still my friends, through it all, but now our friendship is better. im thankful for friends, that i can call family. even though it hurt (and still hurts) to say bye to my friends, i have a real relationship with them, and they bring me real joy, and real happiness. and i will take the hurt to have the joy that they bring me. :D

the last lecture

2008-07-29T23:07:00.000-07:00

I just got done watching the last lecture with Randy Pausch. he was a pretty neat guy. now i was multi-tasking while watching it but for the most part i loved what he had to say. what i got from it, live life to the fullest. And that the people who care most about you are sometimes the hardest on you. i love living life to its fullest. isnt that why Jesus died on the cross? it inspires me to keep trying. because you cant succeed if you dont try. it was interesting hearing him talk about the idea of dying, and comparing it to a game. you may be on a winning streak and able to battle through lots of obstacles, but if you lose the game, at least have fun playing and give it your all. another thing i loved was he would ask his kids every night what their favorite part of the day was and what the worst part of the day was. i like thinking about the best part of my day. i wrote a blog similar to this before, about my song. if in my life, my day was a song, what would i ask to God to play again. God sure is gracious and giving to me. i cant wait to see what else my life has in store.

the name of my blog, sometimes ya gotta be silly is really how i try to live my life. it seems like lately ive gotten down and out of it. im still having fun, but man, i could have so much more! and why not! im still young, but when my time does come, i want people to enjoy stories of me and them just doing crazy or silly things. i want to see everything. even though i have an awful memory. i think its getting better. i wanna see the elephant!! haha. i dont remember where i heard that but its true. i want to see the things you just dont normally see. i want to travel and see crazy cool sites. i think thats why i love photography. there are so many beautiful things everywhere i go, and by taking pictures i take that experience with me too. i wonder what my next adventure will be....

:D

a new chapter??

2008-06-06T22:22:00.000-07:00

so i have a new roommate! her name is shayla and she comes with swazy, a 3 year old black lab. I LOVE having two dogs in my house! many think that two dogs is a little much and more crazy, but now when i leave parker at home,
she has a friend. swazy is an awesome dog and he is really well behaved. and both dogs just love each other. parker now sleeps next to my bedroom door rather than on my bed, just in case swazy is up and ready to play. its relaxing. and even now i can just sit and watch them play instead of parker needing me to play with her late at nite. i have one video of them running around a little on my youtube. there will be more soon im sure. youtube.com/debi1016

im hoping life at home slows down a little and is a little more relaxing on the nerves. :D

whew go life!!!

2008-05-27T00:53:00.000-07:00

so. 1130. sleeeeeping for work tomorrow. 1230, woken by about 10-12 people in my house parker barking and going crazy. seriously? its almost 1am. lets have a party in a house with people that actually have regular jobs and need sleep. good idea. ugh. i am really growing to hate roommates and our lease is up. do i renew it for more hell, and i still have to find a new roommate so i can kick one of my roommates out. we will call her roommate #1.....now what is the cause of my awakening tonite? roommate #2......not amused. im trying to figure out how to live in a good situation where i can really enjoy life at home. ive thought about living with a family, but i dont know about that either. as much as i like people i really like my privacy too. and i dont want to live way out there, in say cold springs. :( the drive is just too far. and i know another girl who has a room for rent and would be awesome to live with but she lives out in wingfield springs. its just too far. ugh. whatev. i think the party ended and they are actually gone now, so yay for being awake for a little bit of time. i just dont know. where are people about my age that are respectful and pay bills on time? and are nice and friendly? do they exist? im starting to give up on the idea that this is possible. thanks for reading....peace out its bed time...again.

the dentist.....

2008-05-07T22:05:00.000-07:00

i hate the dentist...a lot. i finally found a dentist that i like and hygienist that was awesome too, but now my insurance doesnt cover that dentist. my boss tried a new dentist today, and she had to wait an hour just to see the dentist...no bueno. soooo who out there has a good dentist. im back on the dentist hunt and have NEVER (except my last dentist, greg powning) liked any dentist. I need a good, nice place with nice people and a hygienist that isnt going to kill my mouth. :D

truths of Jesus.....

2008-04-16T23:19:00.000-07:00

Jesus is the Son of God.
Jesus died for our sins.
There is freedom in Jesus.
JESUS CAME IN THE FLESH.
Jesus rose 3 days later....after dying...
Jesus is Lord.
Jesus is my King.
Jesus is Love
Jesus is Truth
Jesus is above all else
At the name of Jesus demons flee.

I like knowing that Jesus is real. and that He loves us. and all His Truths. I like knowing about God's good spirits. I like knowing that Jesus is stronger than anything Satan can throw at us. Sometimes these truths can be hard to believe. especially when there is an enemy battling against Him. I love it when i feel His angels surround me. when i feel His peace flood me. I love feeling His Perfect Love. Im so thankful to learn and know my Jesus. The Word. word.

then and now

2008-02-21T20:51:00.000-08:00

ive been thinking a lot about the "then and nows". specifically before jesus and after jesus, and life without jesus and then coming to be a slave for jesus. bear with me.

i wonder how many sacrifices people had to give to be "pure" or right with God. I wonder if it really deterred people from sinning more than today. I dont think so. i dont think people are worse now than they were then. i dont think they are better either. but i cant help but think how easy it is now. we dont have to buy animals to sacrifice. we dont have to go to the temple to sacrifice them. we just go to God through Jesus and we're done. But maybe our sacrifices are just different. I know the more i learn about Jesus, the more i change. I have lost friends. criticized by family at times. i think this happened back then too im sure, but was there God guiding people on how to live their lives or just laws? is it easier to "get right with God" now or is it harder to be guided by God now? maybe there are real answers. i didnt grow up in church. i dont know a lot still. so this is my newest thought. Im thankful that we can go right to God now.

the other thing that i have been thinking about is good and evil, with and without christ. in the book velvet elvis, he says "God has no boundries. God blesses everybody. People that dont believe in God. People who are opposed to God". thinking about this it makes sense. we are all God's children. I think God gives special blessings to those that follow him. and then i think about the Devil. I think back to the days when i didnt know who Jesus was. Life was hard, but i was still pretty blessed. not as much as i am now, but still pretty blessed. i never had any really hard times to go through. i dont think i really belonged to Jesus. or maybe i did but i didnt know it. and neither did satan. but then i make that choice. i learn about Jesus and i decide that this Jesus thing sounds good. then satan turns up the heat. makes it a little harder to trust and follow this Jesus fellow. but looking in on it, it makes sense. if satan has come to steal kill and destroy, who would he go after. how about those who are for the one he opposes? makes sense. why would he sit and waste his time on people that dont believe in Jesus? I think he still causes destruction in everyone's lives but i think he really works on turning people from God....which means they have to know God and be for God.

well those are my petty thoughts for the moment. now im going to sleep and try to get over this cold thing i got going on.

it breaks my heart

2007-11-07T22:01:00.000-08:00

it kills me to see others put down. it kills me to see this happen in everyday life, lies spoken over peoples lives. why are we so quick to judge?? am guilty of this too. i am quick to judge but i like to think that i would still talk to the person and not put them down. it kills me to see people judge others because they are a different race, or have a retardation, or something about them that they cant change. i make a lot of jokes, but if you hear my jokes its satirical i promise. i have all sorts of friends. that i really consider friends. but it kills me when it hurts someone. and why is it when people go to church, they can be the meanest and most judgemental? "i found jesus now i can judge others because i am great!!" is this the message they are hearing. because ive been hearing a different one. it kills me to see kids be forced to grow up so quickly. i grew up quickly. and now i spend everyday being a kid again. (part of the reason im still single is because boys have cooties...jk...but seriously...lol). it kills me to hear teens have destructive words spoken over them. its hard enough they get it at school, but to get it at home or from adults? what is that teaching them? im glad our God can handle us being upset or even angry. im glad that we are allowed. im glad that it is ok to be mad (just not sin in our anger). :) man when i get to heaven i have so many questions for God. i really think from about 12 to 21-ish is when we are really trying to figure out who WE are and what WE believe. (i think we all struggle with knowing ourselves our whole life, but i think this is really one of the more important times). where do we get this? from our parents. from our friends. from our church. from our peers. parents, and "adults" --- why are we not living our lives like Jesus??? why are we not showing our children how to live? why are we hurting others in church? shouldnt this be a safe place? where everyone is welcome?? one thing that bothers me is people have this idea that they have to be put together. i grew up this way. problems at home were at home, when you went somewhere, you were a happy family and when people asked how you are you said good. im learning to really say how im doing. i'm glad some of the youth can really tell me how they are doing. i think its important to have your life more open. :D ok im tired. not making much sense to myself anymore, and i want to read some Sex God, so good nite all!

my song

2007-10-17T22:19:00.000-07:00

taylor swift has a new song out called "our song". its about a guy and a girl driving and she says shes sad because they dont have a song, so he replies

"Our song is the slamming screen door,
Sneakin' out late, tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow
Cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date "man, I didn't kiss her, and I should have"
And when I got home ... before I said amen
Asking God if he could play it again"

now ive never been one to have songs with boyfriends...well ive really never had one. but i like this song because life can be our song. i love it. and asking God to play it again. it makes me think of my song with Jesus. stuff that means something to you, but wouldnt to other people. great stuff that you wish could happen every day. my song today, drivin with my puppy sleeping in my lap, talking to my dad, going to youth and getting attacked by kids hugging me, and sitting, watchin a movie with parker (my puppy) laying in my lap. this is my song today.

today had its bad times, but when i think about what mine and Jesus' song would be, i think i had a pretty cool day. and a pretty good song :) maybe God will play it again tomorrow.

Whats your song?

my house!!...and a puppy on the way

2007-10-06T23:59:00.000-07:00

ahhhh. i decorated a little for halloween. i bought a wooden hanging decoration with three pumpkins on it, and painted it myself, and hung it in my kitchen area. and i got a GIANT pumpkin that lights up for the front of my house and spider webs for my front porch. the next door neighbor kids came over and helped me put the webs up and man, those kids are good!! haha. i did the high parts (yes i stood on a chair, because im short, but i was the tallest...) and they wrapped some around the pumpkin, and just made it killer good! im pretty excited. its great. ill have to take some pics and post them up here. so cool...i cant wait for xmas. i cant wait to get a real tree and stuff.

im feeling more like this is my house. its only been about a week that i have felt that, and we are in our 3rd month here. crazy. im lovin it. and im getting to know my other roommate joann and she is really a sweet girl. love her.

oh and btw, in case you are curious. my garage is completely decorated....my room is still white walls...haha.

and im getting a puppy in a couple weeks. shes a yellow lab with a pinch of shepard in her. if anyone thinks of any names that are cool, shoot them my way. im kinda wanting either a name that has to do with camping, or boating, or something to that nature. OR something cool in german that doesnt sound like im throwing up in my mouth when i say it. here are some options so far: malibu, schatzi (tresure), fluss (river), blume (flower), schnee (snow), wohnwagen (trailer).....gimme some more!!! or maybe cool english words that i can translate and see if they are cool in german. so far, im leaning towards mailbu (like the brand of boats) but i still really want something in german. :)

good nite all!

what a season....

2007-09-24T16:05:00.001-07:00

of change that is. Ive been a Christian for about 2.5 years now. And already i was able to go help with an outreach in Germany. Talk about blessed. In Germany there was a lot of crying lots of revelation for me (and others, but im really not much of a crier...) There was one time in particular where i realized how much i have changed in the last 2.5-3 years. I really didnt want anything to do with church. I believed in my heart there was a God but thats as far as i wanted to explore. i didnt understand about relationship with Jesus. When we were Erden Germany, I was wondering around the vineyards in by myself, and God really showed me how i changed. a few things have changed my life completely and didnt even know it. when God hit me with this i just stood near the vineyards, surrounded by the beautiful scenery and cried. a lot. i was never one to share my emotions. i was always the funny one but not even my good friends knew about me. its taken me a lot to really let people know that i have problems in my life. its hard. i was always carefree, and people always used to tell me how much they wanted to be like me, even though they didnt know me. i didnt share myself. i didnt know myself. i knew how to make people laugh and did what my parents dictated me to do. then i moved out...and i still didnt find myself. it wasnt until i accepted Jesus, that i started a real foundation of who i am. im still in process, but now i know who i am. i am who God made me to me. not my parents. not my friends.

God is really taking me through a season of change. He has been since before i left for Germany. Without knowing it, he prepared my heart so i could get the most out of Germany. Before i left i half joked with people that i may never come back...sure it was a joke, but in my heart i wanted to be as far as i could from life as i knew it. I hated my job. HATED. i really hated my life. my friends were just ok to me, and i knew it was me being bitter. Really, truely, there were only 2 people i missed when i was gone. my dad and my best friend. and i had a new job and a new house lined up and ready for me when i returned. No stress, no real distractions. I came back the same person, but i believe with a better understanding of who God made me to be, and with a better spirit within me. now, my job is FABULOUS!!!! i love it. ive been working there for almost a month! and it has flown by! my house is another story. it wasnt what i had in my head, but i know something significant is going to come out of it. Life is really never better now, but i know there is a lot more change to come. I just want to be able to say Yes. I cant wait to see more of who i am in Him. im excited to see what God will equipt me with. im also a little terrified. but i have to keep going back to my favorite verse: philippians 4:13 "For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength".

the newest thing that God is teaching me is how powerful words are. and how powerful HIS words are. :)

what do you want God

2007-07-22T22:56:00.000-07:00

so i have a friend....not a good friend but a friend. and he knows the bible just doesnt live a lot of it. at all....and i have been feeling lately like i am supposed to talk to him about it. so tonite i asked God to make it completely obvious to me. and he told me to turn my music off...something that rarely happens. and this is what he shared with me.

we are the light right?? Well Jesus is the light, but we have Jesus in us, therefore we are the light to the world. ive heard analogies before but heres what God told me.

Im driving home, there are street lights spread out down the street. as few as there can be while keeping it fairly lit up. now. me driving in my own car, i have my own light. so the street lights dont do much for me. they add extra light but i dont need them. but then God made me think if i didnt have my car, i would be walking. then how thankful am i that there are a few spread out. i would have to use them to get home. what about if you live where there arent street lights. i grew up where there wasnt but we still walked home if we were at a friends, so we would walk a block or so in pitch darkness...but it was fine. a little scary at times but it was fine. a light would have been nice though....

ok. sooo heres the thing. We are the street lights. In our world i dont think there are a lot of us. but when people are walking in darkness and wanting to have that light, they will walk near the lights, they may even stop to use the light, but the lights dont move with you......some people walk in darkness and think light would be nice, but brush it off and keep walking in darkness because it is what they know and they are ok with it, even though they know that light would be good.

sooo. we are called to speak when we are called upon. what do i mean. when people ask questions, we are to speak our hearts. we are not called to turn off our light especially when there are people seeking after that light. :D

so this is what God is calling to me, for this situation. i thought i would share because i enjoyed the lesson. i want to say too, that this is just what God is speaking to be about my situation. :D

gut nacht. im tired and going to bed.

sober

2007-07-15T22:32:00.001-07:00

sooo God has put this on my heart a lot...this is gonna be a long one, so bear with me. The dictionary on my computer says sober means "not affected by alcohol; not drunk". ive been listening to kelly clarkson's song sober...if you haven't heard it, its a good one. ok. first, my blog has nothing to do with alcoholism itself, but rather the idea of things that capture us. for some it may be alcohol but for others it can be a multitude of things from sex, to drugs, to lying, whatever your drug is, we all have ours. in kellys song she talks about how shes been sober for 3 months yet its still hard. her first line, "i dont know, this could break my heart or save me. nothing's real, until you let go completely. so here i go with all my thoughts ive been saving, so here i go with all my fears weighing on me."

There are things of this world that are not illegal but are still harmful. if you are of age it is completey ok for you to get drunk by the worlds rules. but its not healthy. This is where God came in and said dont get drunk. It is to protect us against harm. when we have something like that to give him, it doesnt make it easy once we offer it to him. its something we still struggle with. ask a girl that has been anorexic, and she will tell you that she still has a hard time with it even if she has been free from it for years. ask an alcoholic after 10+ years of being sober if it is easy. They will tell you they still struggle. We need Jesus.

back to the definition. "not affected". this is phyically not mentally. We struggle a lot with things in our heads. what is right and wrong. emotions and feelings get in the way of this a lot, and i really feel that Jesus wants to help with it. thats why He gave us his word. So we have a manual to follow. we dont always follow it, but if we are seeking truth we know where to find it. "this could break my heart or save me". a lot of our 'drugs' we cant get rid of. we feel that if we stop, we wont be complete because it is a part of us. we feel that, yeah it could save us, but what if it breaks our heart, what if it is too painful. 'once you start its just too hard to stop' right??? In Jesus we have new life. In Jesus we have his strength. Philippians 4:13 (my fav...) "I can do all things with the strength Christ gives me". not i can do all things. the bible says that God will never give us more than we can handle. (many places like 1 corinthians 10:13) but think about this. if that was the case, there wouldnt be suicide. for those people it is too much to handle. here enters Jesus. it is Jesus that can handle it. philippians 4:13 doesnt say "I can do all things." it doesnt just state that Jesus can do all things (which he can but its not my argument). but rather we can do all things with HIS strength. Jesus calls us to call on his name all the time. (Let my life be a prayer) but when things get really tough and we cant handle it we dont have to. we call on the one that can. I like to think that God will never give me something too hard. At bible study tonite, it came up that, He will give us something we cant handle. read job. but with the strength of Jesus in us. there is nothing that we cant do. BECAUSE OF JESUS. NOT OF OURSELVES. will it make it easy, no. but because of Jesus we can walk through it.

He wants to save us. He came to save us. He died to save us. He lives in us to save us.

He wants us to live life to the fullest. and a lot of times there are 'drugs' that hinder life to its fullest. I think it is time for us to 'sober' up. and place our hearts in His hand. and know that we will be saved and not heartbroken. but we have to give it all up. we have to let go completely. it will be hard. always. i think in time it gets easier, but never becomes easy. Life feels better though. and then you can walk in truth and know true freedom. not freedom by the worlds standards.

Let our lives be prayers. Let us walk in your freedom Jesus.

is marriage worth it

2007-07-03T12:25:00.000-07:00

im single...no boyfriend or anything. but marriage is super scary. someday i really want a husband and a family. but sometimes i see people in aweful marriages and it makes me wonder if it is worth it. my friend is thinking about getting married. i see red flags like mad. things arent good now and i dont see them getting any better. I feel like shes settling. Thats one thin i dont wanna do is settle, but how to do you when its right? I know my past relationships werent right. because when i get out of them im happier than when i was in them. is it right when you are the happiest with the person? i mean there are always going to be fights im sure...but how many fights are too many. im thankful to know people in good relationships. the couple im living with right now, i see how perfect they are for eachother. but those that dont work, or where people are miserable, make me worry. I mean God gives us life to enjoy. what happens if we are stuck and cant enjoy anymore.... hummm. I've been told not to settle. and i dont think marriage should be settling. it is a blessing from God. its a gift. and you never settle on a gift...but im getting challenged by "love". the more relationships i have the more i realize i know nothing about true love between and man and a woman. hummm. so these are my thoughts. im not sad, or bitter or anything. life is the best it has ever been, these are just my ponderings. :D

like father like daughter

2007-06-21T09:07:00.000-07:00

Matthew 5:16 "In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father."

I read this verse this morning and God really spoke to me about this. Taking God out of this picture heres his message to me. Children take on characteristics of their parents. Sometimes that is a good thing and sometimes its a bad thing. For me, my dad is a super caring guy, willing to go out of his way for others. I think i got that from him, im always willing to help people without thinking that i need something in return. My mother is subborn as all hell. She doesnt take any crap from people and is pretty set in her ways. I think i have this in me too. I am extremely subborn. sometimes it is a little negative.

ok back on track. When you meet a good kid, you normally look to the parents and give them praise for rearing such a wonderful child. if the child is bad, you look to the parents and think, "man they need to learn how to disipline their kid". as good kids, we try to behave well when we are around our parents company (or at least i do).

ok now God. When people see us, they see nice people or mean people. If it is known that you are of God and that you know God as your father in heaven, they are going to see your Father through you. they are going to see how God reared you. If we are truely from him, we will bear characteristics of him. And his company is his creation.

The kids right now are at youth camp, and yesterday a lady gave noel a compliment about the kids. they were at bowers mansion swimming and the lady came up and started talking to noel, curious as to why they were there with so many kids. Noel told her it was youth camp for our church, and the lady said "I knew you guys were from church! Those kids are sooo nice to eachother, and others, well behaved and no cursing or anything!!" This is what Matthew 5:16 is talking about. Good deeds, can be, being nice to others, or not cursing. and when that lady complimented the kids like that she was giving glory to God. Whether she knew it or not. I dont think either that the kids were trying to be good. maybe to a certain extent. but i know these kids pretty well. they are good kids. they behave, it is habit for them to be good. and for just playing at a public pool, and playing, they brought glory to God, and God rejoiced in them.

it makes me wonder how i bring glory to God. I hope that i too, can be a light to God's way. in everything i do. When im working, when im playing geetar, when im riding my dirtbike, when im out at my country bar, when im just hanging out with friends, at a house, or at a party. My prayer is that my actions and my heart bring praise to my Father in heaven.

church everyday

2007-05-22T14:33:00.000-07:00

Me and miss amanda are going to be moving in together pretty soon (for a little we are both moving in with nick and kirsten actually too, soooo) we were talking about the fact that we are going to have church everyday. probably a few times a day. what am i talking about?? no, we are not going to sit and do a "bible study" a few times a day. but we will probably see each other every morning. maybe have breakfast. we will watch tv together. dinner on a bunch of nites. movies, parties. i know some may be thinking crazy. thats not church. why not? we dont have to pray everytime we sit with eachother to make it church! i pray constantly, let my life be a prayer, and make it just as strong as my words of prayer. (a secret, i usually dont end prayers when praying to God. I talk to him and then continue on my way. and then i will jump back in to conversation. if he is always with us, why do we feel like we need to close our thoughts?? if your on a road trip with your friend you dont start a story and at the end, say bye.....youre still with them) whew. back to my point....God created us to be in community. when me and amanda and liz sit and watch a movie at our house, jesus is surely going to be there!!! of course there is going to be prayer and such with me and amanda, but i dont think thats what constitutes as church. at my church, there is time to sit and talk, then worship, then teaching, then eating and more talking. i consider the talking just as much church as the teaching! and the words and feelings being shared are not always about jesus....i will have more about things we do for our "church"....

ps. im excited about the whole church taking a month off....i know there is still more discussion on it, but i cant wait to see what happens with it and im looking forward to praying with amanda and seeing what ideas are givin to us! :)

blessed

2007-05-15T12:30:00.000-07:00

Im feeling so overwhelmed lately. God has truely blessed me with a lot of things. Friends who i consider family, and just a lot of stuff. God knows my path. He knows where i'm straying, He knows where i'm right on path. He knows when i will stray again. I find myself asking why He continues to bless me sooo much. I also cant help but feel happy and warn inside knowing that im not walking alone. God is still teaching me a lot. He's in the process of teaching me HIS way. and not my own. Its hard. My own feelings get in the way alot. This is really hard in the youth group too. Finding where my place is. and in life really right now. Finding where my place is as a friend, as a christian, and as a person in other people's lives. oh growing pains. its hard at times, but miss amanda keeps encouraging me that it is worth it. haha :)

on a separate note, i cant believe how God has blessed me with family. im not talking blood family. well blood of jesus family....hehe. me and my real family always have problems. I miss my dad soo much. and he lives 45 minutes away...me and my mom's dont really get along. (real mom & step mom). Me and my real mom are talking more which is nice, but im always leery of her being nice. My brother and me are getting closer. if i didnt have those people that are in my life now, it would be really hard though. my sisters: amanda, kylie, lisa. my brother petey. i love them all soo much. im really gonna miss petey when he is gone....and missing church has been really hard for me, because I consider them all family too. I love learning. I love hearing Louie teach, but even more than that, i love the people. I can listen to the podcasts. but the podcasts dont give me hugs from my family.

but the point -> Jesus has blessed me soo much over the last 2 years. It was right about 2 years ago that someone told me about this Jesus guy. And not too long after I fell for Him. It was around the end of May 2005, that I started my relationship with Jesus. And ever since the blessings continue to flow.

head over heals in love.

2007-04-16T22:15:00.000-07:00

you know when you first meet someone. and for the first little while they are perfect. and if you could fall in love, you would. that feeling that they are wonderful. welcome to my life with Jesus. i've known him for about a year and a half. and i'm sooooo in love. this last sunday at church was great at worship. (for those that may not know, the worship im speaking of is singing songs of praises to God). i got lost in it. i forgot where i was. i was just calling out to Jesus. i got home, and sang more in my room. i got lost in him again. i dont know how long i was singing but i was lost in his love. He is that perfect love. the one that never lets ya down. that never condemns when you mess up because it is going to happen. rather he corrects. hes funny. and loves to tease me about things. he teaches me new things constantly. he gives me great friends and family. people in my life like amanda petey kylie lisa and soooo many others. these people that support me. but back to the love of my life. hes perfect. he makes me smile everyday, and helps me rest at nite. i cant help but sing out to him. i know it is only monday nite, but i have been singing to him as much as i can since sunday morning. he calms my worrying. worrying does me no good. he constantly tries to please me and give me blessings! and my blessings are truely overflowing. i pray that someday i can have a husband much like him. someone i can be crazy about. someone that will make me laugh and smile every morning til nite. a year and a half. im not bored. im excited and somehow keep falling more in love with him. im excited for the future ahead. i know it is good. i will continue to walk in the blessings he has for me. i thank jesus for knowing my heart and consuming it. i thank him for refining and not radically changing me. i thank him that i dont have to fit some mold, and that he came and broke that mold. i need him and love him. hes always been there and never let me down. im never lonely. im head over heals in love.

GOD! hahaha

2007-03-26T09:55:00.000-07:00

God is funny. God is sweet. God is strong. God is not fearful. I just wanted to say thanks to those that have accepted me as family. or even as a friend. I have a great circle of friends. I continue to thank God for new friends i can adopt into my family. :)

i have a few new favorite songs / artists.

SuperChick - Wishes
KJ-52 - Waiting for you
KJ-52 - Why

and thus is my life. :)

"The saddest thing is you could be anything, that you could want.
We could've been everything, but now we're not.
Now it's not anything at all.
The hardest part was getting this close to you
and giving up this dream I built with you.
A fairy tale that isn't coming true.
You've got some growing up to do.

*CHORUS*
I wish we could have worked it out.
I wish I didn't have these doubts,
I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now.
I wish I didn't know inside
That it won't work out for you and I.
I wish that I could stop this wishing and just say my last goodbye.

After all the things you put me through,
tell me why I'm still in love with you.
And why am I, why am I still waiting for your call?
You broke my heart, I'm taking it back from you.
And taking back the life I gave to you.
Life goes on before and after you.
I've got some growing up to do."

http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/k/kj527575/why1003959.html

A.D.D ---- my opinions only of course ----

2007-03-20T09:38:00.000-07:00

soooo 12-year old boy goes missing in North Carolina. Hes missing for 3 days in the wilderness with near freezing temperatures and you know what the parents are conserned about?? He doesnt have his medicine for his attention deficit disorder......im serious....check out this quote. its from http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/03/20/missing.scout/index.html

Before reports surfaced that Michael had been found, Kent Auberry said he was concerned, but not overly worried that his son, who's been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder, does not have his medication with him.

"Michael has gone camping without his medication" in the past, Auberry said. "It's something he takes to help him primarily during school hours."

He said, "It's as worrisome to us as if he left his coat," but "we'd like him to have medication to help him focus."

seriously whats wrong with this world that we have to over medicate our kids to help them focus. lets just turn them into robots. for those in college or work, are you ALWAYS focused?? I have meetings every monday and wednesday yet i have a hard time every week paying attention. I think i must have adult ADD. TIME TO MEDICATE!!!!

I CANT BELIEVE HIS PARENTS WOULD COMPARE ADD MEDICINE TO A COAT!!!! seriously its like a fat kid on diet pills...."we dont know what she will do without her fat pills??!!!!"

and what, is he not going to be able to focus when a bear is trying to talk to him out in the woods?!?!?!!!

we are addicted to pills in this country. pills to make you skinny. pills to help you gain weight. pills to control your attention. pills to make you sleep. pills to make you awake. have we got too pill happy? man this makes me mad!!!

Lucky you!

2007-03-11T14:59:00.000-07:00

im sitting here at work, and have a few spare moments so you get to hear some of my thoughts!!

God is really blessing me. God puts desires in hearts for a reason. I have been listening to a hillside podcast over and over. seriously. intense. (thank you louie for the podcasts! i love them) God has been sharing with me that He desires for me to be happy. Living a christian life for Him can still be fun, exciting, and happy. :) He doesnt want you to be miserable here on earth and then happy in heaven. Life is short why would God desire anything less for us than happiness?? complete happiness. :)

As i was driving to work this morning, it was dark. i thought it was prolly too dark for a sunrise, but God told me differently. He promised a beautiful sunrise. ok fine God. through washoe valley it was pretty, but not spectacular at all. i just dismissed the idea. By the time i got over the hill and headed down into carson, God painted the sky for me! it was breath taking just as He promised. :) i dont think ive seen such bright neon lines of orange and pink!

also, i think praying is built in when God makes you. much like crying. He was humoring me with days that i would pray (days with prayer were few back in the day). I didnt know God. I knew there was a God. i knew nothing about anything really. i knew there was supposedly an adam and eve. thats it. yet i would pray. i cant remember what i would say, but it would always be knelt next to my bed, hands pressed together, eyes closed, head tilted up. hehe. i dont know why, God, this humors me now. I sat and talked and He listened knowing i knew NOTHING about him! He just gave me the image of a child doing it because you are just supposed to, and it made me giggle. (almost out loud). hehe. how nice it is now to know Him. i no longer kneel at my bedside. i pray continuously no matter where i am or what i am doing. i love it when God teases me about something. it makes me laugh. its always in love.

i know when i first found Jesus. but i dont know when the first prayer i ever prayed was! do you? i really think it is built into us.

Thank you Lord for entertaining me. its a rough job, but someone's gotta do it! :)

seasons

2007-03-10T11:56:00.000-08:00

We go through seasons of life. for me, this is exciting. i love change. i love new. i love moving. i love new people, new friends. Then there are always things that stay for seasons or for most of your life. im thankful that God keeps me guessing. He keeps me on my toes. I think it is important for each of us to "find" ourselves. My sister told me something like when you give yourself to Jesus, you're real self comes out. i think this is true. when we keep searching for Jesus, we find more and more of who we are. God made me to be who i am. He made you to be who you are. When we become Christians, He refines us. He doesnt change us. I believe that we have gifts from him. A tagger could turn to Jesus and become a great artist!! i hate seeing tagging around town because they are talented people a lot of times. and it breaks my heart that their talent is wasted on street signs and such. but anyhoo. back to refining. we dont define Christians by how we look or what we do. its the intentions. is on our relationship with Jesus.

Im still finding who i am. this is what i know about who i truely am. I love people. i love friendships. i love smiling. my laugh is loud and i rejoice in it. i love dancing. i love singing. i love worship. i love teaching people about Jesus. i love going out. i like a social drink with friends. i love when people can give me energy (sometimes i really need it). frowning is pointless. i cry when Jesus overwhelms me. I've learned its ok to be mad at God. He can take it. I've learned loving and laughing are the keys to entering into peoples lives. I dont like things extremely planned out. Im spontaneous. i go with the flow. i love road trips. even to the same places. its always different. im hardly serious. i believe this life is too short to walk around being serious. im serious about friendships. im serious about trusting God. i love my dad. i turn friends into family. i secretly want sleeves (yeah tattoos) but i'm too scared to do it. i love music. i love music. i really do love music. i have a hard time sharing real stuff with people. like problems and hardships. i can listen. but i only tell few about me. i love art. i love drawing, taking pictures. im a computer geek. im independent.

im still finding, how to let others take care of me. how to accept compliments. Where im going in life. who God will give me as a husband someday (in the far future....i think...lol). how to trust God that things i desire in my heart will be given to me in his time. a family, a dog, etc. hehe. i feel like i have to take care of people. so choices can be based on that. i have lots of questions but i know they will come in time.

i love seasons. and i love people. :) what makes you who you are? who are you?

prrrrraaaayer para mi

2007-02-27T10:06:00.000-08:00

haha. and i bet you didnt think i knew spanish...ps, i really dont. hehe.

alright, so im giving in and sharing my "feelings". feelings that only Jesus and my best friend (here on earth!) know. ive never felt so close to God. and ive never had so many questions. heres a little about me. i really hate drama. if you have a problem fight with me, get it out and then we can be good again. i dont do the guessing game. 20 questions are out of the question. tell me how you are feeling and dont feel sorry for yourself in the process. i grew up following the foot steps of my dad. and then i was just one of the boys for most of my life. i have a lot of friends, but i still think im closer to the boys than the girls, with a few exceptions. boys can listen and be serious for a short time until the really work on making you smile and laugh. thats what life is all about.

soooo back to my feelings. I'm not on good terms with 2 of my best friends. and i need prayer. ive had talks with one, that seems to go now where. and the other im "talking" to tonite. I pray that we can both see eachother's sides and move on. i want my friends back. i hate serious talks. but when two friends are completely not speaking its dumb. im trying. i still talk, offer to have her come places with me, but she is stubborn and refuses to just talk to me. so it has been over a week now, and today she finally told me we need to talk tonite. shes hardheaded. and i doubt she will budge with her thoughts and ideas. and i will probably apologize to appease her and make things better. i have a hint of why she is mad at me but i really dont know. i just hate this drama

the other problem im facing right now is my actions. my other friend is trying to change me. and i dont like it, like most people wouldnt. my problem is i dont see a problem in what i do. i love dancing, i love social drinking. sometimes those happen at bars like pure country where i can dance and talk to tons of people and rumbullions where i can play bingo and talk and enjoy people. my friend thinks these are bad because of the people that come to bars. im aware, im not ignorant that creepy people go to bars, but im also aware of why i like to go. ive met friends at pure country. When i go there on the weekend, there is always a table of people that i know where i can put my belongings. where i can sit and chat. there are people that i can dance with. bands that like to share their stories and their hopes and dreams with me. i have a few friends and acquaintances from the bar. and more than not, i get to share my Jesus with people. you may think who talks about God and Jesus IN A BAR???? well thats me. One of my best friends Marissa i met at club underground. two weeks ago she came to church with me and plans on going everyweek (weather permitting!! haha). her parents may come down to reno sometimes too because the church they used to go to is not for them. one of her and my friends (that i met at rumbullions) is thinking about going to church because we both love it so much, it must not be all that bad. There must be something to this Jesus thing. Another lady tentatively offered me a job. guess where i know her from. a bar. we learn in church that church is where we go. why cant church be just living and doing what we do and sharing with God tells us to?? why cant i have church at a bar? because of the connotation? bar=alchohal=bad people=sin???? Jesus socialized with people. He hungout with people that werent "worthy" to step foot in a church. (who can claim to be worthy really?? i cant. i cant do something to deserve what i am given)

sometimes you gotta be silly. sometimes you have to just go out and have fun. i need to meet more new friends. im not ready to settle down right now. im not ready for marriage. im doubt if ill ever be serious. thats not who i was made to be.

mercy me song: "hope dont be a stranger, wont you help me make it through the day, then a voice comes calling out to me, youre never alone because i am with you and i will always be, and i will hold you because you belong to me"

thanks for reading. i owe you a cookie if you really made it all the way to the bottom... :)

faith like a child...

2007-02-25T23:19:00.000-08:00

(remember its late, and i have a lot of thoughts running through my head, here are some of them in a scattered form. good luck)

who is God? How did Mary become pregnant without having sex? How did Jesus rise from the dead? How did he heal? How does he still heal. when i went to the dentist i had 5 cavities. when i went back to get them filled they only found 3 tiny ones. how did the others disappear and reduce in size?

im someone that is blessed with faith. when i say this i dont mean that i never have doubts. or a hard time grasping God. but i believe that the bible is truth. there is comfort. I believe that nothing in the bible is false. it is not a popular fiction book. i read a quote once "the bible is the most widely read fiction book". it broke my heart.

why is it that people can spend their lives searching for something to fill emptiness with (drugs, sex, alcohal, prostitution, gambling, tv, acting, cars, possession etc) and yet when the find God they start searching for more and more about God. Why when you hear about God dont you turn and read about budda?

the big bang theory. it makes sense. God spoke and BANG 6 days later there was the earth. seems like quiet a revolution to happen in such a short time period. no wonder there is no explanation other than bang it happened for people that dont believe in God.

why do i not cry when loved ones pass away, when i feel pain, yet at the thought of Jesus i can turn into a waterfall?

i wish that there was an easy button that would allow people to see my Jesus. I wish i could just tell them and just by the words they would believe in their hearts. when a child has a question, you can tell them anything and they trust it.

why can Gods own creation not believe in Him. there is no greater love than the love of our Lord!

how do you tell and show people your Jesus when they ask, and are seeking, but cannot believe? How do you know that God and the bible are truth and not fiction?

true family

2007-02-06T21:54:00.000-08:00

soooo. me and robert were in an accident this last weekend. We were coming back from san francisco and i was driving and robert was sleeping. we were 20 miles from truckee and as we came around a blind corner, there was a giant rock in the middle of the road. I hit it. the rock hit the transmission, causing tranny oil to cover my back tires and back brakes. The engine died and the front tires locked up. And i was fish-tailing at 70. By the grace of God i got to the shoulder and was able to stop. and i was also driving Robert's car. i was scared to look at him. i was scared he would be mad. in my life, when i mess up, i hear about it. and i hear about it for a while. robert just looked at me and just said he cant believe i brought the car all the way to the shoulder safely after that. i couldn't believe it. i wrecked his car in the middle of the nite, in the middle of no where and he was thankful that we didn't crash. infact he wasn't mad at all. then was the task of calling people at close to 11 pm for a ride from truckee to reno. and now is the process of trying to get it fixed. insurance is jerking robert around. and its frustrating. but with help of friends, we got back home and he has a truck to drive until his car is fixed. the auto-body shop told robert yesterday that if i would have hit that rock 3 inches to the left it would have taken out the arm that holds the wheel on. and there wouldn't have been much of a chance at all to control the car after the impact. Jesus was definitely there.

my heart ache right now is that my parents arent really there for me. i expected more from them. maybe its my fault for expecting help. before robert borrowed a truck from his friend, i asked to borrow one of their extra cars until Robert's was fixed. yesterday i dropped off pans that i bought for my parents (i got them for them because they didnt want to drive to reno) and the first thing out of my step mom's mouth is what makes you think you could borrow our car? they owed me $96 for the pans. i owed them $104 for a plane ticket to LA. my mom debated on calling it even. they didnt care that i was ok and not in the hospital. but rather it came down to money. and using their possessions. God forbid i need them for something like this in the future. I'm thankful for other people in my life that i can call family. im not looking for sympathy, or money or anything. im fine. me and robert are fine. i just dont think ive been this heart broken in a while. and it hurts. really bad. do i still go out of my way for my step mom? do i keep trying only to be hurt again? or do i just live my own life. and take care of myself? what makes family if they are not there to help you 100% ? Thanks again for my friends, and my church family. i consider you all my family. thankyou for opening your homes to me. for feeding me some nites. for listening and talking. its more than i could ask for. And God really blessed me with the family he continues to give me.

my mini revelation....lol

2007-01-08T08:55:00.000-08:00

so i blogged this on myspace and just thought i would copy and paste it over

what if i stumble, what if i fall

a new revelation.

what if you messed up in the past. what if you have sin in your life. what if you dont go to church? what if you dont know jesus? i think that there is a big change coming. i think a new revelation. its late, im a little sleepy, yet God has placed this on my heart so here we go!!

my friend katie's brother said it, and it cracks me up: katie asked him to go to church with her. his responce, "ill catch on fire!!". if you think condemnation is coming you are mistaken. if you are feeling condemned in your church, you are at the wrong church. Jesus came and DIED so that you can be free in him.

and know that when you do know Jesus, and you believe fully that He died for you and your sins, and you accept Him as your Lord and Savior, even then it is ok to mess up. im not saying to go out and look for it, but part of being a christian, is saying "hey i mess up and i need you Jesus".

if being a christian meant that you were gonna be perfect, then there would be no need for God. and then Jesus died for no reason at all. and the bible then must be completely false.

if you dont know Jesus, and are curious, pursue it. if your scared to go to church, come with me. i promise you will not be condemned. or judged at ALL. or pick up a bible. if you need one, come to my church once and grab one. or buy a cheap one at the store (one you can understand though!! there are different wordings/translations, and some are easier than others. i read NLT, New Living Translation) Talk to me with ideas! i love to talk about God!! its one of my favorite things!

going to church and pursuing Jesus, but still dont quite know him? keep looking. and reading. and talking. and know that you are going to mess up. you are going to sin. and remember that you can come back from that without shame, if you repent!! go to God with everything. know when you fall, Jesus is there to help you up. He's NOT there shaking his head in disgust (thats satan) Jesus is the best friend there for you through thick and thin. Good choices and bad choices.

know Jesus? this is where i am. dont feel shame by mistakes. they are mistakes. dont regret, repent!! regret only eats away at you. know that God gives you choices everyday, and it is up to you to choose them. when you choose wrong, go to God. when you choose right, rejoice in His guidance and goodness. Know that you need God! and know that He loves you more than anything else He has created! (this one is for everyone btw, he loves everyone this much!! even if you dont know him) look around at His wonderful creations, and know that He was 'pleased' with everything He made, but when He got to us, He was 'very pleased'!!! do not let the devil tell you that you have strayed TOO far!! too far is when you no longer believe in Jesus and dont accept Him as your savior anymore. know that God said "I will never leave you or forsake you". (hebrews 13:5) take that as truth. when He feels far He is closer than you think. He never leaves us. it says it in the bible!!

check out this site for what God says. i just found it and its kinda cool! http://www.mamarocks.com/guide.htm

impressionable kids and their parents

2007-01-04T09:56:00.000-08:00

sooo most of my posts are out of frustration. i probably have blogged on this before but there is a lot that is new so check it out!

The kids at our church have the BIGGEST HEART FOR JESUS!!! Why is there trepidation with their faith in church?? It's like its the cool thing to be at youth and true worship can not be done. Is it because they dont know how? Or maybe they dont know why? Or are they embarrased? Im thinking maybe they dont know what it really means to worship. why do you lift your hands? why do you drop to your knees? is it to show others that you love Jesus?? no! its for you and God. Maybe those kids dont know what worship is. or maybe they dont know how to worship with others around. Alot of these kids live with people that dont believe their is a God or that Jesus is not our savior. And it can be hard as children to try to defend or to show your feelings about something especially if your parents do not believe the same.

another thing about parents and their kids is, dont you want to know who they are hanging out with?? Dont you want to know what they are learning? and im not just talking about what they are learning at church. what about at school. the devil uses good sounding words to decieve us. and thankfully a lot of kids are coming to us at youth and asking about them. i like seeing parents wanting to talk to me though. coming to youth once or twice just to see whats going on. what is Moses teaching? what are they being taught in the small groups? do you talk to your kids about what they learned?

I believe kids during the junior high/ highschool years are the most impressionable. this is the time where they develop main ideas. where they start to find out who they are. I tell the kids every week to question what they are taught. by Moses and by me. by anyone. they are sooo ready to take in and believe whatever. now is the time to teach them to read the Word. People can be wrong. the bible is right. even people of the church can be wrong (haha, believe it or not!!).

Change is in order. and change will come.

all eyes on you??

2006-12-04T09:49:00.000-08:00

God's been talking to me...man has He ever!!! I wanted to share with what He is sharing with me, and its truely life changing to me.

I help out with youth, and i have quite a few friends. What God has been showing me though is I am to be an example. now you're prolly thinking of course thats what he calls all of us to do! but what i wasnt realizing is the kids i see every wednesday and sunday are watching my every move. they are listening to my every word. I think others my own age and older are too. There is truth that when you have Jesus in you, there is something different in you. And the curiousity makes people watch you. not in a way to try to find a flaw, but rather to figure out what it is you have.

God has got me thinking about the people I look to. sometimes it is friends like my friend Amanda. but there are also a few ladies in the church that I look up to. I find myself listening to them and watching what they are doing. they have that special Jesus thing. I cant help but think how disappointed I would be to have one of them really started to fail and go against God's word. (i mean in a big way too, i know everyone sins...and no one is perfect)

I've gotten to know some of the girls in youth really really well and I want to keep them in my life for years to come. I want them to come to me with problems or questions if they dont feel they can talk to their parents or like no one understands. and when they come to me with questions i want to be strong enough in my life that i can use my experiences as stories of strength and truely be a role model for them. It made me think, i need to watch my words and actions so that i can be an open book to those girls without any feelings of shame.

Similarly, i need to do the same for my friends. I recently had a friend ask me to pray for her because she feels the devil is attacking her. I never thought she would ask me something like that. it was nice.

Who do you look up to? Why? Who looks up to you? Who is watching you? I think everyone has someone they are watching and someone watching them. :)

customers and customer service

2006-11-27T13:27:00.000-08:00

i love good customer service. and even more i love watching good customers recieve that good customer service. its a big one for me. its one of the reasons i love the grocery store raleys. today i was having sushi for lunch (me and ole' JC) and there was this lady next to me and she was the best customer. you could tell she was a regular but she was so thankful for everything. every piece of sushi she got she thanked the chef and told him how great it was. it made me think that people have to work. be thankful of their talents! some people can fix computers, some can serve food with a smile, some are grocery clerks can check really speedy, or others check slower but are efficient. remember that God not only put you in your job but also put others in their jobs! be thankful that they are there. let them know that you are thankful and show them the same christmas spirit as you show people you work with and people that you go to church with, or live with! love you all!! and i love christmas!!! :)

what dinasaurs??!

2006-11-20T11:38:00.000-08:00

sooo a lady at work today asked me a question. (and i have to add she is a fellow christian. shes not a skeptic out to prove christianity wrong or anything like that) sooo the question: why are there no dinasaurs in the bible? they did exist. we have fossils. but science tells us they were on the earth long before man right?? but God created the earth and then man and then animals right?? where are the dinasaurs?? when were they created? when did they live then? hum...

alien attack

2006-11-06T08:24:00.000-08:00

alien to me means foreign. and attack is brut force.

i want to start by saying im ok. im just feeling attacked. How do you keep faith when you cant feel Him. How do you stay happy and focused on Jesus when the enemy wont stop attacking you? How do you know what is from God and what are the devils lies? why can i not find Jesus although i'm seeking His face?

At youth i always tell my kids that if they feel scared all they have to do is say the name of Jesus and the devil will flee at his name alone.

now i feel dead inside. although i have been singing His name, and praying, i feel that He is sooo far from me. i feel like what is the point of me seeking him. I feel like im on the losing end of the battle. at the same time i know God would not allow me to go through this if i could not handle it.

i'm just upset that the devil is able to get to me. i have had allergies for months now. i finally get an air filter for my office. i feel great for ONE day. the next day i feel like im getting sick. i fight it, feel the best i have ever felt in months the next day (friday). i thanked God for such a beautiful day and a beautiful life. later that day i pulled a muscle in my back. had to go to the ER. doctor was a jerk. wouldnt send me home because it would have workmens comp. id never had so much pain in my whole life. they doctor was going to write me a medical release but the nurse told him he couldnt since i worked here at the hospital and it was workers comp. im not too proud but when the doctor came back to tell me that i told him to go to hell. and i was going home anyways. i told him about the pain and he didnt care. it was like i was making it all up. i was sooo upset. later that night, i couldnt walk, i couldnt move. i would rather have my whole other foot tattooed rather than have to go through that again. it was the worse pain i've ever had. (although i was released to go back to work). that was crappy. i just feel like no matter where i go or what i do, theres the devils works.

Jesus i need your healing.

somethings never change

2006-10-26T10:05:00.000-07:00

Last nite was a good youth group i think! i got excited! Moses hit on the idea that the devil comes in and tries to lurge us with biblical things, such as scripture or just really inviting things. It was thought back in the day (and ironically some things never change) that wealth and power meant blessing. if you were poor or didnt have great power in the world, you were just not as blessed, God didnt love you as much. Hebrews 13:8 " Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever". Jesus never changed. the devil hasnt changed either. His ways are still the same and his tricks are the same! so why cant we see it right away when it is the devil? the devil and Jesus are opposites so why when something happens do we sit back and think "is this from God?" When Jesus was in the desert for 40 days and 40 nites, the devil came to him and took him to the top of a mountain and had him look out on the land and he declared that if Jesus submit to him (the devil) he would give him all that land, and Jesus could rule over all of it! What a great proposition to the one that created everything that the devil was trying to give him!! it also makes me think back to when Jesus told them about the Kindom of God and how he would be their king and they were thinking that it meant Jesus was going to overthrow Cesear, and then take over the world!! Great stuff right!?? it reminded me of today. there is this guy in Florida that claims to be Jesus and claims that they are going to rule the world! YAY! but quick question: WHY IF YOU CREATED SOMETHING, IF SOMETHING WAS ALREADY YOURS WOULD YOU WANT TO RULE OVER IT??? IT IS ALREADY YOURES!! and even funnier to me is the idea of, Jesus was there at the start of the universe. He knows how the earth is put together. He knows everything about every inch of the earth. why would He get excited about owning a rock?

Thank you Jesus for watching over your children and keeping the devil at an arms length. Help us to realize his ways, and to keep him far from us.

the start of a new life together

2006-10-23T09:02:00.000-07:00

sooo this weekend my cousin got married. she is the first of us cousins. she is the oldest and only 9 months older than me. it was a little crazy to know that she is married now. i pray that her and her husband will be happily married, there are a few skeptics of course, but i think they will be ok! :) of course i am the second oldest i was looked to as the next one to be married. hummmm yeah not for a while!! :) lol. the idea scares me too much right now! lol. ok sooo. this wedding was fansy. man was it fansy, and i realized when i do get married, i want a huge wedding. when i say huge, i dont mean fansy though. i mean a ton of people. i want to get married somewhere where there is no limit to the number of people that come. and i dont want to spend my money on the wedding. make that part cheap and quick and skip to the party!! yeah that party is the fun and important part. its where you can dance and eat and talk to people! lol. seeing family was fun and crazy at the same time. sooo much drama, but it was great seeing family i havent seen in like 10 years. my family gets sooo confusing because there are people that arent acutally related to me that i claim as family and people that are blood related to me that act like the dont know who i am. one of my real uncles never even acknowleged me or my brother, when my other uncle, that was divorced out of the family embraced my presence! we had soo much fun together! altogether it was a success. it was a picture perfect wedding and a fun reception.

on a side note, work ordered an air filter and i get it in 10 days!! also, halloween is really really close and i have no idea what im gonna be!!! help!

made by God

2006-10-15T22:49:00.000-07:00

this weekend i went out camping for my bday weekend. it was great and i had a blast!! a little occurance happened and i realized i am really self conscience. a few of you may be thinking, what no! not debi, but atlast it is true. ive been listening to this song by barlow girl called mirror and been thinking about this idea that it is not the mirror that tells me who i am but rather Jesus in me that tells me who i am. sooo back to the lake, i woke up early this morning and went out walking around. i walked a little ways long the beach and finally found a seat at a little point. while i was sitting there i was just admiring Gods beauty. the perfect lake, trees, sand, mountains, everything. God is amazing with the landscapes he creates. while i was admiring God told me a simple thing: "I CREATED YOU". it was breath taking to hear. I saw the picture of God staring down on me and admiring me over the beautiful scenery. how great to be admired by the perfect one. i pass this story along to others who are self conscience. remember it is not the mirror that defines you it is Jesus in you. and God admires us like we admire a breath-taking sunset, or a sleeping baby.....i love you all.

and i also want to say thanks to all of you for being my church family. i consider many of you best friends and all of you family. thanks for loving me with open arms and accepting me for who i am. with out such acceptance, i would not be as strong of a christian. thank you all!! xoxoxo

God bless!!

Lord give me the strength...

2006-10-06T13:11:00.000-07:00

...I'm feeling hatred towards people, instead of love. I am hating my job and the people here. I'm doing everything in my power to leave early today. and i wll suceed. I hate people complaining (ironically this is me complaining). I hate people who are jerks to my best friends. I hate people who are fake. I hate people that are making my good friends feel bad by judging them!! I'm hating fellow christians who are judging. I'm hating rushing everywhere. Im hating that i just cant get enough sleep at nite. Im hating waking up late for work.

Lord i give you these feelings of hate and ask you to take them away from me. Do with them what you want, i dont want them anymore!!

doctors appt!

2006-09-20T14:55:00.000-07:00

so i gave in and im seeing the doctor tomorrow at 245. prayers please for knowledge for the doctor and pray he finds what it is. i got a lot of people aware of what is going on and my bosses are having similar symptoms so that helps. i was gonna fight and make the hospital pay for my co-pay, but today i met with my boss (about something else) and he said to make sure the hospital pays for it!!! yay no fighting! so hopefully by this time tomorrow i will be with the doctor figuring out why im dying. please pass along the message i need prayer for the doctor to figure out what it is so it will help me and hopefully others in my office too!! thanks all!! god bless!!

a blessing

2006-09-14T08:20:00.000-07:00

i just wanted to share in how the Lord is blessing my life. i love relationships with people. The Lord has blessed me with good strong relationships lately and im soo thankful. The first is my church family. You guys rock my socks!! (hahaha, totally stole that from one of the kids, cc) You are amazing and caring and truely family to me!!

next is amanda! she is my new best friend!! and its exciting! shes just perfect for me!! we have sooo much fun together and can talk about problems and pray together. i have a lot of friends but none quiet sooo like me, and i love her!! shes amazing! i love that we can go out together dancing, have a drink together occasionally, and still share a Jesus relationship! Thank you Lord!! :)

Secondly, i have a new boy friend. hes different than anyone i've met though, and he treats me like a princess. (which is a big change, im usually just one of the boys...which i love but this is special to me!!) I prayed a lot about him, and whether we are supposed to be together or if its best to be friends. God's responce, he is a gift to me. our ideas line up very well, and he is seeking Jesus. doesnt know Jesus yet, but is seeking him! :) and hes wanting to go to chuch and bible study with me and he loves hearing the stories i have about youth group and the amazing kids that i have grown to love with all my heart!! i dont know where God will take our relationship, but im excited for it.

i wanted to share this and how loved i feel by two people who i have only known for a few months or less. Love is soooo important and i think it is important to say to those you do love. i enjoy hearing that someone loves me, because i think love is wholeheartedly. to all of you who i know and have become my family and friends i love you and in Jesus' name, i pray a blessing for your day ahead! :)

perfect and perfect timing

2006-09-05T10:36:00.000-07:00

last nite i went to bible study at karis house and sat with her and tiffany and katy. it was great times, we learned about the power of the tongue, but along with our discussion lead us to the idea that we are perfect in God's eyes and we are right were we need to be.

we talked about envy. i think this is something we all do. not necessarily in the form of "things" or "pocessions". one of the girls brought up the idea of envying peoples opportunities or lifestyle or relationships. know we know thats not good, but why? we wanted to know the why. it says that the tongue is a 2 edged sword, we praise God with the same tongue we curse man made in God's image. the words we say come directly from our thoughts, which in turn come from our hearts. we thought about the idea of your thoughts are really words to yourself.

ok, so at the end all this will go together (i hope). another thing we talked about is that we are perfect to God. everything God creates is good, and he created us. we are perfection because we are his creation. not because of what we do or our looks, because we are his creation. Tiff had brought up the idea from the monday morning church: God gave us our little quarks as gifts. our different face expressions etc. and he smiles when we use them. he thrives in our personality.

that said, an evil tongue brings death and evil straight from hell (im not trying to be sinical, thats what the bible says). your thoughts are what drives your tongue and the heart drives the thoughts.

so envy is indeed evil thoughts that you are not good enough. when you envy, you dont get what you envy, you only get bitterness. and this is not from God. good does not come from envy. also remember you are a child of God and you are perfect in his eyes. he made you, you! and he placed you where you are for a REASON! he didnt place you in someone elses shoes, he set a path just for YOU and no one else! and good things happen to those that wait.

so basically my main idea that God has been pounding in me lately --- you are special and perfect, flawless in God's eyes. and you are in the perfect place in your life. as hard or "unfair" as it seems, it is your PERFECT place right now!

and that, ladies and gentlemen, is my ranting for the day! :)

needing prayer!!!

2006-08-25T08:53:00.000-07:00

ok, i need some help. i need prayer for health. i dont have allergies. but at work im allergic to something! and i dont know what it is! so there is a department here at the hospital called "infection control" and they deal just with the health issues like this at the hospital and stuff. i called them and they are doing carpet samples and air samples to see what it what is wrong. i start my day with benedryl and afrin and asprin. then the benedryl takes a little to work and once it is working it makes me drowsy all day! i have to get something else that wont make me tired, but the point is i need prayer that this will be solved. right now i just hate coming to work, only to feel like im dying and sick. and i sit and fight to stay awake during work, (only taking one benedryl too but it kicks my butt!!) and its freezing today. but i have a sweatshirt and a blanket!!! :) please pray that they find out what is wrong down here. other co-workers are having the same thing so i know its not just me. i just cant work like this anymore. i wanna go home after like 15 minutes.

like a brother...

2006-08-15T20:40:00.000-07:00

lol. i love my life. i love the love Jesus gives me everyday through others!!!

so yesterday i raced!! first race ever. i missed monday morning church and i was sad about that, but racing was a lot of fun! it was out in yerington, and just like a big family race and they welcomed me with open arms! it was barrel racing and for those that dont know it is usually done with horses. there are three barrels and you have to go around each one as fast as you can. horses do this in around 17-18 seconds. me....well my fastest time was 24. which was good though!! still faster than some guys though!! and i got a tee shirt for being the fastest girl...yeah its pink,,,and yeah its my first pink shirt and i got it from racing!! lol.

so i went with my friend mikey and his brother. mikey told me i was like a brother to him! lol. we were fighting. i lost. got my gear all dirty. when im out riding. im one of the boys, and its fun. i pray God uses me in racing.there are actually a good number of racers who are christians, but there are also alot that arent. i hope God uses me to show people who he is. (on a side note -- there is a few races that start with the national anthem and then a prayer before racing -- pretty cool)

random thoughts....

2006-08-14T12:16:00.000-07:00

so last nite, i was just sitting and thinking...and driving....anyways: i thought it was interesting how some peoples nervous tendencies are the same as when they are really comfortable with a person....

lemme explain my random thoughts. when i get nervous (yes it does happen!!) or just uncomfortable, i start talking -- randomly too, usually incoherent talking. similarly, when i know some one really well, i talk and talk usually making no sence. if its in the middle, i dont ramble quiet as much. i thought about those people that are quiet, how they are quiet when they are nervous, and when they get super comfortable with a person they can sit in silence with that person and love it. silence for me kills me! lol.

so thats my thoughts for today.

also on a separate note: i want to sincerly thank everyone for their kindness in our church. i prayed my graditude last nite and college group, but i want everyone to know how thankful i am that we are a loving accepting church. i really believe we are a good example of a Jesus church family! love you all with all my heart!!

my happy heart!!! thank you Jesus!!!

2006-08-07T00:55:00.000-07:00

today was amazing. it really was. i was doing the powerpoint for church and i love doing it because i get to see everyone and its great!! today church was just filled with the holy spirit!!! worship was amazing. Gods blessed me soo much in my life, i dont even know what to do but give it to others. now, let me be the first to say that im a pretty tough girl, i dont cry (even though i know i prolly will when i get my tat....but i digress) today, i cried. there are these 3 girls at church and they are amazing and sweet. i love them with all my heart i really do. well today i met mom and dad, and mom just gave me a hug and said that i was such a blessing to these girls and how highly they think of me, and just how thankful they are for me...dad hugged me and told me i was a blessing and thanks...wow. i never even thought i was touching a family in that way. it made my heart sooo joyous the tears came rollin down!! thank you Jesus for the love you have given me so i can give that away to others!!

you guys, i have to say i love our church. one of my friends has been coming lately, and he has (like many many others) been hurt in church before. tonite he told me and amanda that the first time he came he was a little nervous since he hadnt been for years, but went, and felt unbelievably welcomed! thank you Jesus. he was scared of judgement and was confronted with love! he loved louies message, and the realness of him. thank you Jesus. i really wanna say though, louie can stand up there and give the best speech in the whole world but it is still the church as a whole that really makes the impression. today another friend came with me too. she hadnt been to church in a long time too. hurt also. worship touched her heart so much she cried. (and shes tougher than me!! lol) she wanted to know more about things i do with the church. what this idea of bible study was, and it was great to tell her all about it! she'll be back soon enough and thanks to those that showed her love too. its so nice to see it. i love you all. i love that our church is a safe place overflowing with love.

well its late and i work early so i think its time for bed.... but before i do, thank you all, you are all blessings in my life and thanks for the power to give me joy. everyone of you do! In Jesus' name i pray a blessing over our church family and those we touch. In Jesus' name i pray for joy and love for the week ahead, and i thank God for all the love we have and have given away. Thank you Jesus, it is in your name i come everyday. Amen.

...at the drive in

2006-07-11T07:22:00.000-07:00

we had a lot fun at the drive in!! it was great. just great. so i got a radio, that wouldnt work btw. and my truck wouldnt pick up the station but other trucks around us had the station just fine. it was a great nite and one of the best ive had in a while. it was a great mix of people! my friend noelle came up from gardnerville (we go way back and have a pirate history...long story) and she brought her friend tink. also, petey, jamison, matty, kari, amanda and her brother (whos name escapes me now...i prolly couldnt spell it anyhow). my friend timmie and his girl friend tamara also came along! it was fabulous. i'm gonna plan another one, and maybe plan it a little in advance so we may be able to get a bigger group (we will see if i can try to break out of my shell of randomness....and plan something a little while in advance) and popcorn is a must next time! lol.

God blesses me more than i deserve. we were talking about destiny last nite, its one of the things i struggle with. i dont like structure. i like chaos, randomness. i love it so for me to think that God has a purpose for my life and has it planned out scares me and i just plain dont like it. i realized last nite though that im just thankful that he is unique to everyones lives and he blesses me with the idea of randomness even though he knows my destiny day by day for the rest of my life.

Thanks to all those who came out. You are a blessing in my life.

In Christ

2006-07-10T12:36:00.000-07:00

its refreshing. so im reading through the monday morning church book. i love it. today, i was reminded that there is nothing i can do to deserve God's grace. thats comforting.

over the last few weeks my patience is being tested by many people. i am very patient and hardly get mad. it takes quiet a bit. (please dont try --- lol) but i have found myself overly frustrated lately. mainly because of peoples words and actions. there have been personalities of people close to me that i hate. i hate when people use others as a crutch when it is meaningless and they can do it by themselves. they do it for the attention of others. secondly people attacking the one person i love the most here on earth. my father. for all those that dont know, i am a daddy's girl and think VERY highly of him! ahhh. ok back to my point. heres a little bit of the set up. a guy here at work said something incorrect about my father. it was just mean and completely untrue. not his place to say. so while reading the book i was reminded, we are placed where jesus would be placed. im sure Jesus's father was comdemed by people. im sure he had to be confronted with negative ideas of his heavenly father. and i can imagine how mad he could have been. but he loved them just the same. i hope that i can keep my love towards people. it is slipping.

I love you Jesus and i pray everyday that you will make me stronger and more like you.

a little ruffled

2006-07-01T01:39:00.000-07:00

so tonite something was said to me that made me a little upset. my dad is my everything. i love him more than anyone on this earth and something was said about him. and the thing that was said (looking back on it now) was not meant to be mean, but that is how i took it. not mean, just disrespectful. lately this friend of mine has been really sarcastic, which is fine! so am i, but there gets to a point where you dont hear anything encouraging, and you can only brush off soo much. so i guess this was the straw, and i just lost it, i was heart broken and really hurt.

on another note, im not good with sharing hard feelings. so if this blog doesnt make much sense its ok. i grew up like "one of the boys" and we dont share our sad feelings right?? lol. much easier for me to write a little about them though. so along with this idea, i may have been a little harsh. --- i dont know if this is just me, but i dont care to hear that someone is sorry. i can see if the person is sorry or not by their eyes. i just want to be assured that it will not happen again --- so i told him how it felt, and how much i was really angered by this. (it takes a ton to get me angry). he appaulogized like a nice person, but i just told him i didnt want the appology i just wanted him to be aware of how i felt and for it not to happen again. (maybe a little mean on my part...)

i feel better that i got it out. ok back to work. and eventually sleep.

what is "wrong"?

2006-06-21T15:55:00.000-07:00

i have been thinking a lot about how people are "supposed" to go about presenting God. i mean, if something i think is wrong helps one person, is it right?

i always love driving past these two particular churches in carson because of the messages outside. i remember one day, one of the churches signs said "God is coming, Repent" (or something close to that) and the other said "in Christ you are free". i like the second one. if someone doesnt know Christ they dont want to be scared into it. and even a believer that has fallen wants to hear good news. isnt that the idea of the Gospel?

but what if that first sign brings someone back to christ?

i get angry really easily by those who are preaching to people in the "wrong" way. like those people who were preaching at unr and trying to scare people. and the guy downtown that tells people why they are on their way to hell. or there was another lady in vegas that walked around with a giant sign saying "stop sinning, turn to Jesus". i consider all these bad ways to bring people to Christ.

but again....what if their message made one person pick up the bible and read it? or made one person think? or even brought one person to search after Christ?

i hate it when God is right!!!! lol

2006-06-21T15:04:00.000-07:00

life is good and amazing!

its funny how God works. ya know, you know he knows best and all, but when you think you are right, you tend to forget he knows what he is doing! ha.

the biggest area of my life where this is true is my relationships with boys...ya know, i find a guy i think would be good for me, and i tell God, "hey there ya know, this could be a good thing", then he doesnt give it to me and shows me why. hum, i hate it when he is right..... lol!

funny too how when God wants you to do something, he keeps coming! keeps knockin until you hear the door. I like it because i get the analogy of me at home. i like noise. i love music. and if someone is knocking at my door, i may not hear it right away and how sad if they were to just leave. but not Jesus. he stays and keeps knockin til we hear him and are ready to answer it. it makes me think too of our monday morning church. Jesus doesnt shove his presence in our face, storm into our house; neither does he condemn us in His name, we need to do the same. There is this crazy guy i saw last nite downtown who likes to tell people why they are going to hell (in God's name of course). i wanted to talk to him, but it was late, and i had a group with me that wasnt interested talking to this man.

hum, ok enough for this post, love to you all

time for prayer

2006-05-31T07:53:00.000-07:00

so i dont know if you guys have heard, but here at my work (Carson Tahoe Hospital) they are cutting jobs like crazy. 50+ people are being terminated. already about 15-20 have been cut, mostly department heads, and most of them people that have been here for around 30 years. my boss was one that was cut. everyone here is on edge to hear about the next in line to be cut. its frustrating, everyone is on edge and in awe of the people that were let go. my position is one that could be cut, but i dont know if they will yet or not. my boss assured our department that no one else from here will be gone, but i dont believe it for a second.

I would love some extra prayer for those who lost their jobs and those that have yet to find out. I pray that this opens a new window in life for them, and i pray the best for them and their families. please keep these people in your prayers.

so im not a rough tough coco puff....

2006-05-22T13:31:00.000-07:00

so this weekend was the first time ever that i almost hit someone...i mean like punched them as hard as i could in the face. i'm not an angry person, and ive never been in a fight, i do enjoy wrestling and fighting with people i know but never been in a real fight. well ok, i was at a mx race in california (just for watchin no pictures) and me kylie and our two guy friends were walking down this hill and (sorry here im not racist just describing) and this black guy about 6'5" prolly 260+lbs, muscles popping out, walks in the middle of our group and make an awful comment to kylie. extremely rude and completey innapropriate. as soon as he said it, i pulled back to hit him. then it was like time stopped and i thought....hum...i hit him it wont faze him prolly, he will kick my butt and then go for the two scronny guys i am with....worth it....kind of.....well no. so we just walked past him. so the guys i was with are strong but they dont have his weight or muscles....

this was the first time i had nearly acted on feelings. i was angry enough to try to show this guy that he was in the wrong. i thought about it later and well im still shocked i had made a fist and actually pulled back to strike a guy more than twice my size. and all i could think of was...maybe i would have had a chance if i had mase....hum. i just wanted to bring pain and humility to this guy. humility more than pain.

funny how just words can pierce sooo deep. ive never felt such physical anger. i am better today though!! :) i'm just amazed that there are people out there like that. sick people.

hard times

2006-05-02T01:28:00.000-07:00

i hate when you have to do something or make a choice that you dont want to. when you have to do something that you know will be better but when it comes time to do it, its terribly hard and painful. hard times make us stronger and are for teaching i believe. if things were always wonderful and easy, there would never been anything great about life. it would be boring and mundane, with one good day after the next. im thankful for the hard days that make the good days that much better. life is wonderfully awful, and awfully wonderful.

goodnite

welome to the madness

2006-04-28T14:12:00.000-07:00

SOOOOOOO i'm officially freaking out!!

this weekend i have four foto shoots. yeah thats right, two days, four shoots. three on Saturday and one on sunday. (thank you james for covering powerpoint!!)

ok, saturday, 10am-2pm is the K-9 Karnival!! yeah its a dog show at RC Willeys, benefiting the Cancer Society. We will be taking pictures of the show dogs competing and all other dogs that want a studio setting in our booth....if anyone has a dog, bring it down and stop by and say hi!! :)

at 3pm, I'm headed to Marie's salon for some head shots (yay, we are doing before shots now and then after shots may 20th!!!) so that should be fun and quick.

Then, we are headed to Fernley. There is a barbecue and karaoke competition from 7-10.

THEN SLEEP!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then Sunday is the race! yay. then monday tuesday wednesday, etc is uploading all these pics! (i dont think i will be at bible study on monday matty...:(........)

I keep praying for patience and smoothness starting at 4pm today when i get off work.

and one last note....i saw my friend Eva last nite, and we are going out to dinner on tuesday!! im excited i havent really talked to her in a while. she doesnt have a phone so she is hard to get a hold of. she has a myspace account which she checks occasionally so we talked mildly through that, and she just told me she is back and working at raleys so i was able to see her!! yay! i love this girl soo much. i have a funny story for another post, my break time is up!

love you all!!

im sick

2006-04-24T17:28:00.000-07:00

i hate being sick. it seems like lately i have been sick a lot. like 4 times in the last 7months or so. I've been trying to figure out why. before that i didnt even have a cold for like 2 years. (and worked at a grocery store!! constant germs) I'm convinced that i am allergic to my new boyfriend! lol. ok not really, but i could be.....hum.

so church yesterday was great for me. (not that it is ever bad...) God really spoke to me though. I have really been blessed these last few weeks and i havent given any thanks to God. This really hit me in worship and made me really count my recent blessings. of course i came to God, thanked him, and appaulogized for not giving him thanks earlier. life is great. and i want to give all thanks and glory to God!!

I love watching how God places people in my life and others. when i look at my friends i see that most of them would not hangout together if they were not brought together by me. I have a variety of friends. ive never really fit into a "group". i love growing and learning, and if you stick to the same group of friends, you dont learn as much. ok i think ive had to much medicine and shouldnt be typing a blog....

i'll be back when i have a clear head!

boyfriend or girlfriend

2006-04-19T09:25:00.000-07:00

ok, so heres the deal.....i have a new boy, yes it is now official. my roommate/best friend/ sister (yeah kylie) hates him. not dislikes him, hates him. don (my boy) is really shy, and when he talks he tries to be cool and what comes out of his mouth is a little mean. all in joking though. that and he is hard to hold a conversation with when he doesnt know you. so i need help with prayer. i pray that don can learn to show himself to people as himself. hes absolutely great. really sweet. so heres the deal. im not going to lose kylie. but im not gonna give up don. it puts me in a hard place though and whenever don is over at my house it is awkward around kylie. i hate it. i also pray that kylie can see past her stubbornness and try to get to know the don i know.

another little thing i have to vent about it the idea of girl friends. lemme explain. kylie says don is ALWAYS mean to her, and she told me that EVERYONE else sees it but me. this to me means she talked to her friends and they rallyed with her in her complaining. they do this and i hate it. so when i go against them, im kinda singled out. i just hate it. i hate that she uses everyone. i really am if-y still about don, but many people have also said he seems like a nice guy. just REALLY shy. but many have told me that i should try it because hes a sweet guy, and i deserve a sweet guy. (which sounds corny, but i know its true, and i havent really had that in the past - nothing like don)

im just a little down and dont know how to handle this. i dont do drama, so i dont know what to do. all i can do right now is pray. i just hope the power of prayer helps this situation. please be praying for me also guys. :) thanks!

what a nite!

2006-04-15T18:11:00.000-07:00

my buddy louie is in a band and last nite he opened for paperboy at NV50! it was their first show!! and they were great! it sounded great!! :) and i had my camera so i have a ton of cool pics of them singing on stage and just chillin. it was a lot of fun though. we were dancing and yay! (btw, me and katy are taking a hip hop dance class so soon i will be awesome at dancing!!) ok so back to the story, my wording my be a little crude so beware to all that read!!!! im serious! we the guy that owns the club also owns all the bunny ranches. soo the wrist bands said "bunny ranch" around them and there was a special VIP area where that guy and all the girls. after my buddy's performance, we went to sit down (the other guys were aweful) and we were sitting right behind that guy and those girls. it made me sick. i was sooo angry!! this guy is old groping on the girls and the girls were aweful too!! ahh, i sat there pissed off and praying to God for each one of them, until i couldnt handle it and me and don left. i had a hard time with that guy (i dont remember his name nor do i care). the girls i prayed that they would see the light someday, and turn to Jesus. but this guy, he was selling girls bodies and lusts after all of them!! hes rich and well, i think i finally found someone that i can hate! i was glad to be surrounded by christians (my whole group of friends :) ) but still. i was glad to go and support my buddy, i just wish i didnt have to support the bunny ranches at the same time by buying the ticket and stuff.....

so other than that, this new guy is cool. hes still quiet, but hes breakin out little by little, and hes still going and doing these thing with me, so its cool. one thing that i love is he really just gives to people. we are always talking about the Jesus question, and well hes full of that. hes sweet. its nice to with him going to church because i can bring him to my church and i can go to his as well. its nice that church is a part of life to him too. im also still unsure about him, but I just keep prayin. we are going rollerskating tonite with my little brother and all his friends. lol. then maybe to the driving range at the hilton. should be fun! alright im out! see most of you tomorrow!

i just cant get enough God!!

2006-04-04T22:53:00.000-07:00

so man, i have some stories. (i know i know, surprise surprise)

so i had a date tonite, kind of a blind date, never really met this guy but i saw him once and said "hi", so i kinda know him. funny because i was dating another guy a few weeks ago, and he was a ton of fun and really sweet, but he wasnt good for me. i knew it but liked him. I feel like God really took him away from me, and i wasnt sad. weird, but true. i met this new guy...well its a story on its own. at pure country (my favorite bar) i met a guy named john, real nice guy so he set me up with his roommate, donny. so about donny, hes quiet. almost painfully quiet for me. but hes cute, 20, doesnt drink at all, and he loves Jesus. hes into sports (which im not....but thats ok) and doesnt really watch tv (yay neither do i really!!). im unsure but i kinda like him. so im praying to God, and giving him this possible relationship with this guy. if hes a good guy for me, God will give him to me. If not oh well, there are more out there. hum....im wierd with relationships, sometimes i see i guy thats great, but theres just something that tells me God says no. even when they are good christian guys. i just dont know.....

secondly, i have been praying that God show himself to Kylie. and tonite, the idea of different types of religion came up and she asked if people believed in the same "person" (her words...:) ). so we got to talking about it, and she asked if she was ok. she said that she believes in God (man i was sooo happy, overjoyed, etc, she believes. before went we had talked she was unsure if she believed or not!!!) but she said that she is just someone that needs proof of something. i pray that i help be her proof. she said that she does believe though but is she a bad person for like not going to church and such and just not fully knowing because she doesnt have proof. i told her no. i told her believing was a big step. i dont think its bad to need proof. i think beliving is the first step, then its seeking truth, and in seeking you find proof. its not something that someone can tell you. (read 1 john 2:27 - only the holy spirit can teach you things...not other people so those that dont seek the holy spirit may not see proof because people alone cannot show proof) :) im happy tonite!

one more thing i need prayer for. i hate praying in front of people. i feel like i dont have the words. they are ok in my head and when they come out its aweful. i want to be able to pray and uplift people. i want Jesus to really speak through me. and i need to feel more comfortable. i can tell anyone about Jesus, but praying is really really hard for me. i realized this more than ever when i was with katy and matty on monday nite. we prayed for eachother, but i just didnt feel it. i was nervous in front of two really good friends, and its wierd and i dont like it. soo please pray for me. thanks guys!

im going to bed now, gooooooood nite all!! xoxo

a wonderful weekend

2006-04-03T09:35:00.000-07:00

so i got baptized this weekend. and it was weird, i was really nervous. i can stand in front of tons of people and speak or dance around and be silly, but although it was a great happy time i found myself very very nervous. Giving my life to another is just a little scary. I've already given myself to God but being baptized just told everyone else that i was serious about it. Thanks to all those that were there. Very happy time for me. i was really glad to have my family there too. I was excited to introduce my church family with my immediate family. And Kylie came which was great!! She is soo supportive, and although shes not ready for church right now, its amazing how much Jesus she has in her without knowing it. :) I pray that God will show her His way. :) Thanks for all your support though, its hard for me to take compliments usually, but i do enjoy the love that is shown. and i wasnt at college group, but my highlight was being surrounded by family while giving myself to Christ. :) life is still just grand!

final thoughts before bedtime!

2006-04-02T00:40:00.000-08:00

so tomorrows the big day. (well technically today, its morning now). im a little nervous but i know im ready. im getting baptized!!!!! its cool to because my parents are coming up, and my bro. and my friend marissa may come and watch me! shes awesome and it was really cool of her to ask to come and watch.

on another note, this last week was great. i went out dancing tuesday nite and learned a new line dance and then wednesday nite after youth group, i went to a movie nite with a new group of people i met at pure country. they're fun! crazy, and high energy, and just good people! its great.

this weekend was fun too. always interesting, and never the same. im selling my dirtbike... :( but im getting a newer one. ive had my bike for years and love it, its just getting old and needs a little tlc. i test rode a bike today honda 250x and really liked it. and my dad is gonna help me make it street legal to so i can drive it around a reno a little to peoples houses and stuff!! yay. so today i spent a lot of time with my dad, cleaning up the bike and makin sure it is in good condition. (almost made me wanna keep it til i rode the other one)

well thats all, im going to bed, tomorrows gonna come too quickly. goodnite all, see most of you at church tomorrow. xoxo

God is Good

2006-03-26T21:48:00.000-08:00

God makes all things good. God makes mistakes good in the end. (well He is capable of that) tonite was great at bible study and louie and joni's. everyone was full of thirst for knowledge and it was great. lately we have been reading alot without a lot of discussion but tonite we read about 3 paragraphs and we had soo many good conversations. makes me really happy. we talked about promises God has for us and how long we are supposed to wait and how to wait. mainly how to wait. God promised me a family. And im ready for one. (well not ready for the full family but ready to date that guy that i could have a family with someday) but it seems that guys pass through my life and i just havent found that guy that i see myself with. theres always something that doesnt fit. i've been seeing a guy lately...and hes sweet and nice, but not one that i will be with for my life. we havent talked in a few days and i have been a little down about it (ya know that typical what did i do...) but i realized tonite that i have Jesus. and that is the best guy to have. and "soon" (God's words..lol) i will have a guy that i can grow with in life and have a family with. im just soo happy tonite. life is good. I havent felt this good in a while. and louie, no im not taking that job, i would miss out on too much stuff that i love. God showed me tonite what i need to do. and the job doesnt fit.

also, im sooo excited to get baptised. i really cant wait. ive known Jesus for about a year and a half now, and its great. when i started going to hillside i didnt know who He was. i didnt know if He was God, or God's son, or what the deal with Jesus was. and know i know Him. :) i cant wait to be re-born in him. Jesus is the love of my life. although ive only had a relationship with Him for a little over a year now, im thankful He's been there since before i was born. right by my side. :) life is grand!

Thanks to all of you for your love. i couldnt ask for a better church family and im truely blessed to have each one of you!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

untitled

2006-03-23T23:07:00.000-08:00

man, life is good. and confusing. and unknown. and i dont know. so here goes another random, pointless post.

today i ditched work to go snowboarding. it was great!! went to northstar, and i kicked butt. (mind you this is my first season, so i did good, but still not like pro)i went in the terrain park with my friend and decided to give it a try. i did a box, yeah thats right. so it was small, like 2 ft long and like 7 inches off the ground....but i did it without crashing!! then were the jumps, well i ate it off of nearly everyone. then i decided on the second run through i wanted to do a 180 off a jump....so i attempted it, and slid face first down the other side of the jump...lol it was great! maybe next time ill make it.

next, is jobs, i love my job, but im thinking about moving up with another company. i answer phones now and do some tech support, but mainly i answer phones. this new job i would be a tech. soo theres a plus. down side is the new job is swing shift. plus side it is 4 10's. not sure if i get weekends off and stuff which would be a big issue. but then it is here in reno and that would save me hundreds on gas every month. so i dont know. how bad is swing shift guys?? i think i need to apply for it. btw. the shifts are either sun-wed or wed-sat. the hours are 430pm-3am. i would miss youth on wed, and maybe sunday nites bible study. i just dont know. any thoughts guys? (i dont know pay difference yet either)

on a side note, im getting a new couch tomorrow. free from a friends family member. yeah im stoked! its a nice one too. soo its great. i cleaned my house and im ready for it, now i need someone to help me move it into my house and it will be sweet!

"Did you think you were immune to this"

2006-03-08T20:47:00.000-08:00

WOW!!! It's amazing when God really talks to you.

So tonite i went to the youth bible study at the church and btw petey was speaking and did FABULOUS!!!! yay petey, really you did great!! (all the kids loved you too, they told me so!!)

so, tonite there was a girl that was just having a bad day. (a bad week really) and i could tell. ive been there and saw how she was feeling so i decided to talk to her. She's going through a rough time and well, i could relate to her well. Ya know when you are going through a rough time and every little thing seems to go wrong, and the littlest thing can bring you to tears even if it is silly and trivial, this is her now. Her highlight: coming to church!

so the title of my blog is the first line to the song "love heals your heart" by third day. this song reminded me of the girl and what we were talking about. there are so many lyrics in the song that are just perfect for life. and its troubles. one line says, "everybody has a wall to climb". it really makes me think that problems we go through are like giant walls. at first we know they are big, but it is still laughable, like ur standing in front of it, playfully pretending to jump over it. then you realize you have to climb it. hum. it gets harder and harder until finaly you are in tears because you cant get over. and ur trapped. everything makes you cry now, even barely scrapping your finger on the wall. the hardest part is pulling yourself over, but when you finally reach the other side, it is like the wall was nothing. Eventually we all make it over the wall, but it is easier when there are two rather than one trying to get over. Here enters Jesus. The wall is still as bad, but with Jesus helping you over it makes it a little easier. (still hard though).

so thats my thoughts and the words God gave me for tonite. I will be praying for the girl and keep her in my prayers!!!!! Love her to death and hope that God shows his love to her too. like the name of the song i've been quoting, "Love Heals Your Heart". Please add her to your prayers as well!! God Bless!!!

randomness.....

2006-03-07T02:41:00.000-08:00

well its 240 in the morning....and i cant sleep. yes im tired but my throat hurts, my head hurts and my eyes are alittle swollen. yeah i think im allergic to myself. so anyways....i figured i would write a little blog about my random thoughts at 240 in the morning. keep that in mind while reading. lol

i dont know how many of you watch supercross, but ricky carmichael is a racer and used illegal fuel and was caught so he was pentalized 25 points. good news to me because i just dont like him and he was in the lead, so yay. well no, last week they decided to give him his points back and fine him 20,000!!! ahhhh. now he is back in the lead. makes me a little sad. i just want someone else to beat him. hum.

i called in sick yesterday. i hate calling in sick, but i was completey unable to talk and i answer phones all day.....just wasnt gonna work. so i figured as long as i wasnt going to work i was sleeping. i have been overly tired lately though. im not a sleeper. if i get 6 or 7 hours a nite im good. really. but yesterday i couldnt stay awake for more than 4 hours without falling asleep again. so i pretty much slept all day yesterday.

im home sick. i miss my dad. me and the rest of my family got in a fight a few weeks ago, and well ive never been able to be mad at my dad for anything, me and my bro made up but my mom (actually stepmom) said something that really hurt. im wanting an appalogy but know i wont get it. ive already forgiven, but still want the recognition that what she said was wrong and mean. but i really just wanna go home and have homemade spagetti, help my dad in the garage, watch movies and pass out on the couch. i really miss my dad.

im hungry but dont know what i want to eat. pasta really sounds good now that im reminising about spagetti. well i actually dont think im hungry but i cant pass up the idea of food. yeah i want pasta, and bread with lots of butter on it. ummmm.

i dont know what im doing anymore, i feel lost. i had a plan coming out of highschool and stuck to it for 2 years, then over the last 7 months, i dont know what my plan is. im very spontanious, but i like to have life plans to stick to so i have a feeling of accomplishment. im just not feeling dedicated to anything.

and lastly for tonite, april 2nd. im gonna be baptized. never been before, and i just cant wait. i feel that God is really talking to me in this area and asking me to do it. i keep reading different passages on baptism and agree with every one. i feel like this is my time to be reborn again in christ.

well its 3 now, and im gonna try to get alittle sleep. love you all, xoxoxo

my bible study

2006-03-02T17:57:00.000-08:00

my friend katie got me a bible study book for christmas and we decided that we want to do it together. problem: our schedules are opposite, and we really have no time together. so i decided to make it a blog, we can talk when each of us gets a chance and others can do it with us too!!

so lately it seems like me and katie are just trying to find ourselves. and it is a little hard. hopefully this bible study will help us and others in finding who they are and who God wants them to be.

Take a look at the blog, add to it, join in if ya want, i want this to be a nice discussion and the more views the better!! :)

http://www.walkthewalkyoutalk.blogspot.com

xooxoxoxoxoxo

bible verse of the day

2006-02-27T21:27:00.000-08:00

So i have a mac and i have widgets on my mac. They are just little mini programs that can let you view different things quickly (to to mac.com and look for widgets there are a ton, from weather to email to daily words). anways so i have a bible verse of the day on there and i love reading it everyday. Some verses i've heard and others i havent. todays was a good one. At church Louie has been talking about Truth. and what is real Truth. This verse reminded me of real truth and i believe louie shared it the week before last...

John 14:1-7
1 “Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me. 2 In my Father's house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I go to prepare a place for you? 3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and will take you to myself, that where I am you may be also. 4 And you know the way to where I am going.” 5 Thomas said to him, “Lord, we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?” 6 Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. 7 If you had known me, you would have known my Father also. From now on you do know him and have seen him.”

i love to know that through Jesus, I have a place in heaven just as Jesus does. I like the analogy of a giant house. although it is big, there is a place just for me. my very own room in the kingdom!! :) I also like this because of the fact that Jesus is our way to truth, life and to God. Sometimes God seems a little intimidating to me. I know he loves me but i can't help to be intimidated. Jesus is my best friend really. i feel comfortable talking and sharing, and never feel overpowered by him. Im thankful that God gave us His son. Im also thankful that i have Jesus, Himself, living in me everyday. This is the Good News!!!

Love you all!!

Fotography!!!

2006-02-26T23:05:00.000-08:00

So as some of you know, i started my own fotography business with my roommate/sister, Kylie. And so far its a lot of fun. I've been missing some church which is hard, but with the online files i can still listen. :)

so this weekend we headed to marysville ca, for a local motocross event. I love motocross and it is great to be able to take pictures. We stayed with my grandparents. Thanks to those who have prayed for my grandpa. He is doing good and looks good. he was up and walkin around, and in good spirits, just like he always is!! He has been undergoing chemotherapy and just got shingles. so its hard right now, but hes doing great!!

me and kylie didnt get track permission to take pictures yet for this race. but we went anyways hoping that it would all work out. and it did perfectly. we were scared we were gonna drive all the way there and have them deny us, and turn back around and come home. but no. they were awsome and really nice. its funny how many christians you see at a motocross race. before they sang the national anthem, they said a prayer. how cool is that??!! that was definately a highlight (since i didnt get home intime for college group now you know what my highlight was...)

It was a great race though, two people were hauled away in an ambulance, one with broken ribs and leg, and the other with a broken arm i think. scary at times, especially when you are close to the crash and know you need to run on the track and stand in front of the injured rider til the flaggers and medical staff can come. but those were the only bad crashes. The little kids are fun because when they fall over they just stand next to the bike and wait for someone to help them up. and i think every 50cc and 60cc bike i picked up and started, started differently and was geared different. ahh. some kicked forward others backwards. it was fun helpin them though. :)

there was another fotographer out there too, he was at the last one also, but hes awesome. really nice. me and kylie are gonna print a nice pic of him (he also races in the 40+ class) overall we were blessed to run into so many great people at these events, check out some of the fotos!! www.flipflopfotography.com

love you all, God bless, and good nite!

Rockin' and Rollin'

2006-02-22T23:31:00.000-08:00

So i just want to write and give props to a great artist. Shawn Lear. Shawn, just want you to know that i love listening to you and your worship team!! i get lost in your songs, its something about ur style that i love! When i am worshiping with you, i feel just like im at a casting crowns concert. or maybe dilerious, or even third day!!!! Shawn you rock, and God truely blessed you with your voice and talent!!! Even if you dont make it big, you'll always be big to our church. You're Hillside's rockstar!

(he was singin tonite at youth group, just made me remember how much i love his singing)

trouble in toon's town

2006-02-21T23:58:00.000-08:00

ok sooo this blog this may be a bad idea for me. i love typing journal type things, but ive never actually kept a journal. Tonite i have a story a little more on the serious side, although i know it is out of character... So here's my story:

The weekend before last, i went out to ferntucky (fernley) to take pics of the motorcyle race out there. and we made a big plan for my brother to come out and bring is trailer so we could camp (we is me, my bro, kylie, and her little bro). So i call him saterday morning and he tells me he may not come out because he is buying a truck. soooo i got a little upset, because here i was the day of the race, and gonna have to go back home and not camp now. so i called my dad. he said that steve (my bro) would be out there it would just be later after he got his truck. ok. no prob. but as the day goes on, i didnt know the status, matt (kylies bro) was waiting at home for steve to pick him up....we called him a few more times to see the status of him comming out, what time when if how why etc...so to make a long story short, he got frustrated by the 10 phone calls that day and decided not to come out at all. AHHH wanted to scream, but thank GOD for my roommate, she turned it into a positive, we came home and then went out golfing, had a good time just hanging out. (and matt came up with another one of his friends). So i was a little mad, but i got over it, no sense in staying mad.

today was the first time i've talked to my parents and brother since, and went i went down to their house i was chewed out for being in the wrong and for being selfish in my thoughts that saterday. i really dont feel like i was, but finally ended up frustrated and tried to end the conversation with i dont care, im sorry i'm sure i am a little in the wrong....blah blah blah. (im sure with a little attitude, ill admit it) so it ended with my mom (really step mom, really confusing...i dont expect anyone to understand) saying i was selfish, and compared me to my real mom (i dont get along with my real mom at all, and well i dont think very highly of her at times, although our relationship is getting better slowly)

so my point to this blog, is what to do now. do i suck it up, appologize for something i dont feel i am wrong for? Do i wait for my family to come around to me?? Even my dad is upset at me and that is a first for me ever. im just a little unraveled by this, but again, thanks tp kylie i can sleep in good spirits. I thank God for her everyday.

"sounds like someone has a case of the mondays"

2006-02-20T22:27:00.000-08:00

well it was definately a monday, first thing at work today i spent 5 minutes explaining to a lady over the phone what the shift key was.....frustrating because at the end of the conversation i gave up and just told her to keep using the cap locks key as a shift key.....

so today was long, one of my co-workers had food posioning the nite before and he looked bad today so i sent him home and covered his shift too. not too much longer but still. i still had to go grocery shopping which i love. i really do, my roommate kylie makes it a lot of fun and there is never a dull moment at the walmart. we have a self checkout record, 89 items, $179, and all in 12 minutes. check out the pic of it on my myspace: www.myspace.com/littledebi
so we are out of food and so was walmart, so we didnt even have 50 items, bummer but the total was exactly $100 which was cool. our new thing is to sign our names with our left hand, its funny. we also got some stuff for our business and we did self checkout in spanish (no neither of us knows spanish) and then she signed my name, in spanish lol!!! it was debio garrezo, and with her left hand!! good times.

when we got home we set up the camping chairs we bought in the living room, sat and chatted for a little while watchin some tv. i love it! that was my nite, im beat and going to bed. hittin it a little early tonite, maybe tomorrow ill get up early and do my hair...maybe.

My First Blog

2006-02-19T23:16:00.000-08:00

Well, ok here i go, i do a lot and a lot of people seem to be on here so i fell into the blog trap. that and i love to talk and well here i am. So tonite i played Jaime at fooseball, and well, i may have lost a little.......so as much as i like to talk i really am awful at fooseball, but i love to play it!! soo its late and i have work early tomorrow so im out!