changing and feeeeeeling

my good friends just left to go live in hawaii. and even though i know i will see them again and talk to them a lot, it really hurt. and it hurt even more because i dont like feeling that pain. ive changed so much in the last few years and i feel like i can love better, and feel pain better. a friend helped show me that if i dont feel pain, i cant really feel great joy. most of my life i didnt feel. and now that i am feeling more and more, i wonder how many people i hurt, because i was hurting but couldn't see it. i dont look back and search, but its more of seeing out hurting i was, and i couldnt show that much love to people. i love people and i had lots of friends, but i also see now that i was not always loving to people that were close to me. and my friendships then were nothing compared to what i have now. some of those people are still my friends, through it all, but now our friendship is better. im thankful for friends, that i can call family. even though it hurt (and still hurts) to say bye to my friends, i have a real relationship with them, and they bring me real joy, and real happiness. and i will take the hurt to have the joy that they bring me. :D

the last lecture

I just got done watching the last lecture with Randy Pausch. he was a pretty neat guy. now i was multi-tasking while watching it but for the most part i loved what he had to say. what i got from it, live life to the fullest. And that the people who care most about you are sometimes the hardest on you. i love living life to its fullest. isnt that why Jesus died on the cross? it inspires me to keep trying. because you cant succeed if you dont try. it was interesting hearing him talk about the idea of dying, and comparing it to a game. you may be on a winning streak and able to battle through lots of obstacles, but if you lose the game, at least have fun playing and give it your all. another thing i loved was he would ask his kids every night what their favorite part of the day was and what the worst part of the day was. i like thinking about the best part of my day. i wrote a blog similar to this before, about my song. if in my life, my day was a song, what would i ask to God to play again. God sure is gracious and giving to me. i cant wait to see what else my life has in store.

the name of my blog, sometimes ya gotta be silly is really how i try to live my life. it seems like lately ive gotten down and out of it. im still having fun, but man, i could have so much more! and why not! im still young, but when my time does come, i want people to enjoy stories of me and them just doing crazy or silly things. i want to see everything. even though i have an awful memory. i think its getting better. i wanna see the elephant!! haha. i dont remember where i heard that but its true. i want to see the things you just dont normally see. i want to travel and see crazy cool sites. i think thats why i love photography. there are so many beautiful things everywhere i go, and by taking pictures i take that experience with me too. i wonder what my next adventure will be....

:D

a new chapter??

so i have a new roommate! her name is shayla and she comes with swazy, a 3 year old black lab. I LOVE having two dogs in my house! many think that two dogs is a little much and more crazy, but now when i leave parker at home,
she has a friend. swazy is an awesome dog and he is really well behaved. and both dogs just love each other. parker now sleeps next to my bedroom door rather than on my bed, just in case swazy is up and ready to play. its relaxing. and even now i can just sit and watch them play instead of parker needing me to play with her late at nite. i have one video of them running around a little on my youtube. there will be more soon im sure. youtube.com/debi1016

im hoping life at home slows down a little and is a little more relaxing on the nerves. :D

whew go life!!!

so. 1130. sleeeeeping for work tomorrow. 1230, woken by about 10-12 people in my house parker barking and going crazy. seriously? its almost 1am. lets have a party in a house with people that actually have regular jobs and need sleep. good idea. ugh. i am really growing to hate roommates and our lease is up. do i renew it for more hell, and i still have to find a new roommate so i can kick one of my roommates out. we will call her roommate #1.....now what is the cause of my awakening tonite? roommate #2......not amused. im trying to figure out how to live in a good situation where i can really enjoy life at home. ive thought about living with a family, but i dont know about that either. as much as i like people i really like my privacy too. and i dont want to live way out there, in say cold springs. :( the drive is just too far. and i know another girl who has a room for rent and would be awesome to live with but she lives out in wingfield springs. its just too far. ugh. whatev. i think the party ended and they are actually gone now, so yay for being awake for a little bit of time. i just dont know. where are people about my age that are respectful and pay bills on time? and are nice and friendly? do they exist? im starting to give up on the idea that this is possible. thanks for reading....peace out its bed time...again.

the dentist.....

i hate the dentist...a lot. i finally found a dentist that i like and hygienist that was awesome too, but now my insurance doesnt cover that dentist. my boss tried a new dentist today, and she had to wait an hour just to see the dentist...no bueno. soooo who out there has a good dentist. im back on the dentist hunt and have NEVER (except my last dentist, greg powning) liked any dentist. I need a good, nice place with nice people and a hygienist that isnt going to kill my mouth. :D

truths of Jesus.....

Jesus is the Son of God.
Jesus died for our sins.
There is freedom in Jesus.
JESUS CAME IN THE FLESH.
Jesus rose 3 days later....after dying...
Jesus is Lord.
Jesus is my King.
Jesus is Love
Jesus is Truth
Jesus is above all else
At the name of Jesus demons flee.

I like knowing that Jesus is real. and that He loves us. and all His Truths. I like knowing about God's good spirits. I like knowing that Jesus is stronger than anything Satan can throw at us. Sometimes these truths can be hard to believe. especially when there is an enemy battling against Him. I love it when i feel His angels surround me. when i feel His peace flood me. I love feeling His Perfect Love. Im so thankful to learn and know my Jesus. The Word. word.

then and now

ive been thinking a lot about the "then and nows". specifically before jesus and after jesus, and life without jesus and then coming to be a slave for jesus. bear with me.

i wonder how many sacrifices people had to give to be "pure" or right with God. I wonder if it really deterred people from sinning more than today. I dont think so. i dont think people are worse now than they were then. i dont think they are better either. but i cant help but think how easy it is now. we dont have to buy animals to sacrifice. we dont have to go to the temple to sacrifice them. we just go to God through Jesus and we're done. But maybe our sacrifices are just different. I know the more i learn about Jesus, the more i change. I have lost friends. criticized by family at times. i think this happened back then too im sure, but was there God guiding people on how to live their lives or just laws? is it easier to "get right with God" now or is it harder to be guided by God now? maybe there are real answers. i didnt grow up in church. i dont know a lot still. so this is my newest thought. Im thankful that we can go right to God now.

the other thing that i have been thinking about is good and evil, with and without christ. in the book velvet elvis, he says "God has no boundries. God blesses everybody. People that dont believe in God. People who are opposed to God". thinking about this it makes sense. we are all God's children. I think God gives special blessings to those that follow him. and then i think about the Devil. I think back to the days when i didnt know who Jesus was. Life was hard, but i was still pretty blessed. not as much as i am now, but still pretty blessed. i never had any really hard times to go through. i dont think i really belonged to Jesus. or maybe i did but i didnt know it. and neither did satan. but then i make that choice. i learn about Jesus and i decide that this Jesus thing sounds good. then satan turns up the heat. makes it a little harder to trust and follow this Jesus fellow. but looking in on it, it makes sense. if satan has come to steal kill and destroy, who would he go after. how about those who are for the one he opposes? makes sense. why would he sit and waste his time on people that dont believe in Jesus? I think he still causes destruction in everyone's lives but i think he really works on turning people from God....which means they have to know God and be for God.

well those are my petty thoughts for the moment. now im going to sleep and try to get over this cold thing i got going on.